Alfred and Jersh
by TheUltimateMuffin
Summary: Alfred and Jersh rescue the galaxy from teh Space Cats with the help of legendary meme parts.


Alfred and Jersh Cover

Alfred and Jersh (A Nasa Juice Collaboration)

Act 1: Stuff Happens

Chapter 0 begin: Background and shit

One day, Alfred was at his parents house. Alfred was a normal child, eating meatloaf every day BROOOO, and only 29% overweight. His parents were Jammy and Gooper, 2 average parents. They both worked at the meatloaf factory, just like 89% of the population of Mars. You see, the mars colony had about 2,932,834.63 people on it, but it was discovered that it was useless except for mass producing meatloaf, which explains Mars red color. But today was different than any other day. Today. Was the day. That the cats came. Alfred watched the sun as he finished his 123th bite of meatloaf, and to his surprise, the sun exploded! Now, this wouldn t have been a problem if his family had insurance, because they would have went into the community Sun explosion bunker . But since they didn t pay for insurance because they were poor meatloaf workers, only Alfred, age 37, was allowed to enter the bunker because He was too stupid to die . So he went into the bunker and said goodbye to his parents. His friend Jersh was down in the bunker with Alfred, and they shared a bunk bed. Jersh was 12. He had messy orange/pink hair(completely natural). Alfred then drank a milkshake. These milkshakes were loaded with vitamins, each one containing 9001% of your daily calcium. Each person was allowed a milkshake tho. ;( . Alfred looked outside through the 19,999 ft thick window(to keep out the heat) and watched the world he knew disappear before his eyes, engulfed in the supernova of the sun. All the stars he knew and loved began to fall from the sky. Alfred began to cry, thinking his parents were dead. ((SPOIL PROPHECY ALERT. His parents are immortal now ;0 )) Jersh comforted Alfred by fanning him with his bedsheets. (what, there s nothing else there to fan him with.) Alfred looked outside at the explosion as it was happening, and when he did he thought he saw something. It looked like the explosion was actually .made of cats. He didn t know what to think of this at this point so he just returned to weeping. Alfred was making such a disturbance to the bunker that the bartenders gave him a shot of liquor 420% alcohol content. Since the entirety of mars was dissipated, it was up to Alfred to restore the order. It turns

out that beneath the bunker, conveniently, there was a giant warship stocked with the latest weaponry. Alfred and Jersh explored this daily, planning their escape from the bunker, or Milkshake-wasteland as they called it. They realized that the more milkshakes you drank, the more you lost your emotions, or will to escape. It seemed that they were trying to control us, Alfred thought. But thanks to plot convenience, they found the ship. The weapons they found were as followed. Nothing will be important later.

. 83 MK-48 LaZer Shotguns. . 286 Prototype-1 Missile rifles(not to eat) . 14 Giga-plaZma tickle cannons. . 69 Fully Loaded Kitty Cannons

They also found:

. 1 Robot Dog-husky(Alfred Omega(7th edition)) . 1 Space Boat . 59 boxes of ammo(missiles mostly) . 4 space suits(one fairly small, 3 male, 1 female) . 6 factory size refrigerators full of chocolate milk flavored soda.

On May 93, at 2 A.M. Alfred and Jersh Went below their bunks, to the tunnel they carved with hardened milkshake and their bones.

m56miTSczE1Xn0MFK8UBVpa8X3bnbGcFaU2SY1luP3onUSBeLxtwe7Q1ZBkFzm50ibeDvMXE2Zw1_99EGSeMIT46gNf_51CUYKZGnxVMMK41bJB5Z_QNlDOiejBvVkIlMYqGvyMC (At this time, the authors realized they needed a new artist, and so they hired someone with eyes this time (although they still only have him Microsoft Paint and a mouse to draw with, so the quality is still limited))

They entered the the ship through the toilet(god knows why) and entered the cockpit. Now this wasn t any normal cockpit. It was actually filled with chickens stapled to the walls and buttons. So whenever you hit a button or turned the steering wheel, you would hear Squaak because they rigged it with pressure sensors to make chicken noises. The reason that they didn t escape earlier is because they didn t know what chickens were, so they thought that the ship was the embodiment of satan. They managed to hit the right sequence of chickens to turn on the ship, and Jersh, Alfred, and Alfred Omega set off on their adventure. Oh. Wanna know what happened to the bunker? Yeah, turns out that the bunker was attached to the propulsion system of the ship. So the bunker broke apart and everyone in there died of asphyxiation ;(. (Of course Alfred and Jersh didn t know this, because they would have become much more self-conscious and depressed, and tbh who needs character development. char dev is stooopid :P) Alfred and Jersh then spent the next 231 days traveling to the nearest planet where human life was

located( or at least that they knew of, maybe.) The galaxy that they were in seemed very empty, many stars had exploded and the world was mostly black. Alfred, being a very good observer(Good boy Alfred *gives treat to boy*) noticed that every day BROOOO, he would notice that one of the stars have gone out, and no new ones were appearing. This did not seem to pose a problem.

End chapter 0

Chapter 0.1 begin. Stuff happens to develop plot(not character, stupid)

Alfred and Jersh arrive at the nearest place that used to contain human life, planet MK-Zuckerberg MK I. However, when they landed, they found many ruined buildings with like symbols from facebook strewn around. Alfred also noticed the paw prints in the mud. Still fresh(he licked them) Among the ruins, Alfred and Jersh find a single human corpse. It say on the shirt, This guys dead, but I m not! Come and find me XDXDXDXDXDXD. Alfred didn t know whether to make of this as a joke or if this person was serious. He decided to stay for a few days and try to find this mysterious person. So he sat down and started beating the ground with his head. Maybe the vibrations will notify her/him that we are here . Jersh replied, What, you think she is a mole? Stupid. Jersh proceeds to cry out, Here person person person, *claps hands 3 times* Nearing nighttime, Jersh set up camp and built a fire of like symbols because Alfred had a minor concussion from banging his head on the ground for 3 hours (not known if he actually found anything). At night, they heard strange noises. Alfred thought he saw shadows running in the corners of his eyes, but he thought it was probably just his concussion. (3 spooky 5 me) While Jersh was keeping watch, a feral comment wandered into their camp and bit off Alfred's left pinky finger so that he couldn t backspace to type cohesive comments on the facebooks.

Alfred and Jersh Image

Here is a picture from a textbook of a pack of feral comments:

Jersh did absolutely nothing to stop it because he still wanted to be able to trollololololollol. When Alfred woke up, he didn't notice cuz he's stupid and concussed. He got up to go to the bathroom, which was located in the dark web. However, he activated a trap card and got sprung up 1232 inches (aka 34m for you metric foos) into the air. While looking down at the ground, he found that the ruins actually formed words! They said, Looks like u needed to go to the bathroom, now go northeast and you will find what you are looking for, maybe, depends on if you are looking for me or not. Loser. Alfred fell down to the planet once again, and after 195 days of recovery, was able to walk and speak to Jersh once again.

End chapter 0.1

Begin chapter 0.3

When they were both sane, Alfred told Jersh all about what he Experienced while being brutalized trying to go to the bathroom. Jersh thought Alfred was crazy, but since Alfred was older (and stronger ;) ) Jersh had to follow along with Alfred s plan. They set off to the northeast (after about 339 tries, lmao). After 2 minutes of walking, Alfred stubbed his toe. When he reached down to stroke his toe with his pinky finger, he realized something was wrong. AHHHHRRGH! Alfred exclaimed pirate-like, WHERE, WUT, Y, NO! Jersh calmly turned around and spoke, Dude, it got torn off by a feral comment. Alfred was furious because Jersh did not protect him. He then proceeded to grab a laptop lying on top of the rubble, connected to the planetary wifi, and posted a hate comment on his facebook page about feral comments, but sadly it looked like this because his pinky finger was missing. hi, thisis alfred. those ousy feral commments took my pinkyfinger so now i cant typea lot of thing like backspacs. hashtag yudodistomeicanteventypehashtags

He managed to calm down after that, and they continued on their journey. Unbenounced to him, this comment resulted in a darknet uproar, which attracted many things on Mk. Zuckerberg to Alfred s exact GPS location, because he left it on in his pocket. (LOL the laptop fits in his pocket, more like a TRAPTOP am I right? sorry :c) After taking their hourly 55 minute break, Alfred noticed something out of the corner of his eye. Being hungry and still slightly delusional, he immediately exclaimed, Meatloaf! . This caused the moon creature (Yes I can say what it is, we are omniscient remember? Also, if you were wondering, yes. I did just break the fourth wall.) to jump out and body slam Jersh 50 feet back. Jersh was paralyzed from the eyebrows up. Alfred still thought that it was meatloaf, and proceeded to latch on to the moon creature s back with his toenails and start feasting.

Moon Monster

Now, Alfred later realized that this was a mistake, because the moon creature was made of rock, and Alfred no like rock eat. ;(. Nevertheless, Alfred gobbled the moon creature too, and found the spark of life inside of it. Durp. Alfred was now a +5 in defense and leveled up to gold in piloting, as the Mk. Zuckerberg air modified Alfred s genetic code to be able to absorb material through the mouth and eyes. Yeah, Alfred sees in grayscale now, whoops. Alfred walked over to Jersh. Underneath Jersh was a hatch labeled, If you aren t dead, please knock 3+3/2 + sqrt -8 +1337-9001/6*9 times, lightly. Alfred then knocked 3 times on the imaginary mathematical plane, then shouted, Hey, my friend has no emotions because of you, can you please just open the bob-saget door! He heard some rustling from inside, and the hatch opened.

End chapter 0.3

Begin chapter 0.4: Wow I left you on a cliffhanger last time didn t I lol.

Lianne took a deep breath and exhaled as she opened the hatch, hoping that it wouldn t be the goddamn moon monster again. Fortunately, it wasn t a moon monster and instead were two humans. She rubbed her emerald purple eyes in disbelief (See Noah, I can character describe), and pulled them both into the underground bro bunker. She gave a confused look at the two and grabbed Jersh s head forcefully, looking at him to see that his irises were grey, showing that he was colorblind. I ll go get the heart container she said as turned, whipping Jersh in the face with her ginger hair before walking around a corner.

Liane- No

Jersh didn t care that he was whipped in the face as he couldn t feel anything at the moment, and he looked at Alfred and poked him in the face. We cannot trust the ginger Alfred...she might steal our souls. Jersh said while not having any emotions. He then continued drooled onto the floor which burned a hole through it.. Alfred might have felt the same towards the woman but he could only see in grayscale and couldn t see Lianne s haircolor. Lianne came back eventually after 4 hours with her futuristic space suit covered in blood, and she didn t say anything as she shoved the heart container into Jersh s hand. Jersh looked up at the ceiling and somehow levitated the Heart Container over his hand. Jersh s max

heart level increased, and Lianne sighed, saying They always do that...I don t know why. Alfred looked at her with his blank eyes. Why you do this? Y u make me go through dis? I activated youz trap ceard when I wanted to go to lavatory...Well...I ll tell you what...what? Stop sucking so much... Alfred said as his vocabulary level began to decrease to the point where he was speaking like a youtube hate comment. Lianne was forced to taze him because his stupidity threatened to overload the bunker s logic system with sheer stupid.

End chapter 0.4

Begin chapter 1.7: We finally move on. (or do we .)

After Lianne questioned Alfred and Jersh for about 2 months straight, she trusted them and treated them to a nice cold can of pepper spray. Sorry boys, just needed to make sure you weren t robots. She said after watching them writhe in pain on the floor. Before she could react, Alfred accidentally stabbed Jersh with his bone arm, and Jersh began to bleed out on the floor.(Still writhing in pain btw. lol) Luckily, Jersh s max heart level was increased earlier, so he just bled out 3 hearts of damage then the blood flow ceased. Lianne marveled at the stupidity of these two, then proceeded to ask them, So, I heard you guys have a ship. It might be nice to get off this planet. Alfred responded, Yeah, we do have a ship, but we are on a secret mission that we won t tell you about. Lianne rolled her eyes and said, You told me about it 5 days ago. You are going to go find out what caused your planet and several other stars to dissipate. Jersh did not reply due to the amount of blood loss, but rather stood up and shuffled toward the door, and Lianne followed. Lianne joined the crew! Lianne: Level 19, strength: 4/6, Sass: 8/8. Intelligence: Better than everyone else(Even you, stupid) Lives: -3 Once they got to the ship, Lianne stood before it and gasped. AH! I always wanted this model! My parents would never get it for my birthday. So, what's its name? Alfred and Jersh looked at each other quickly and said, Name?

Liane

Lianne screamed in frustration and said, You guys don t even know that this ship is sentient? She dragged them inside to the cockpit of the ship and punched a series of chickens. The ship shook for about 3 seconds, and Alfred thought that he was going to get eaten by satan, then it stopped. The ship s rooms were now constantly moving in and out very slowly. Hello. I am Ship model D-3Z mach 3.14. My programmed name is Threfmor. Nice to meet you. A voice said seemingly out of nowhere. Alfred dove for the nearest corner and shot his lazer shotgun wildly into the air screaming, LEAVE ME ALONE SATAN, I WISH TO GO TO HEAVEN WITH MY PARENTS AND MEET JESUUUUUUUUUS! Lianne facepalmed then said, The ship isn t satan, it is just happy to meet you. Alfred calmed down after about 12 minutes, then asked the ship, Why were you not talking to me before this? huh? The ship replied, I m sorry, I have just been activated. I have not been sentient until this instant when .Wait, what is your name? Lianne said without looking in any particular direction, My name is Lianne. These two knuckleheads are Alfred and Jersh. HEY, we aren t knuckleheads, our heads are perfectly normal shaped, and our knuckles are on our hands! Then out of nowhere, Jersh fell into a coma, his head replaced by a giant knuckle. After Alfred came out of the corner, he stroked Jersh s

head until he coaxed the knuckle part of his head to dissipate and leave Jersh normal again. The ship then stated, Do not be afraid. I merely do what you request. Now who is the captain here? Alfred spoke up quickly and said, I am the captain, my name is Alfred. But Threfmor, how do I know you are not lying to me? Korri replied that she is an AI and there is no way that she could lie to him. After Alfred stopped being a skeptic, Lianne suggested that they go to the next closest planet and look for survivors, which was planet Dubstep.

End Chapter 1.7

Begin Chapter 0.45 The new planet.

When the ship landed after 293 days, Alfred was eager to get off the ship. He had been on the moving goliath for nearly 300 days, and that was too much for him by about 1000000000 days. While on the ship, Alfred realized that he could now headbutt things and it wouldn t hurt. Probably an after effect of eating the moon monster. The new planet was quite barren, with no apparent sign of human civilization. It was also very dark, because of the fact that the star had been blown out. Alfred was certain that it was space cats, but he still kept it to himself. After walking for a few hours. A sandstorm broke out. They began to get separated due to low visibility.

After 2 hours, Alfred was still in the sandstorm. Jersh thought this as he walked alone in the lands.

Meanwhile, Jersh was off doing what he said he was off doing, albeit guilty that he left the bumbling baffoon of Alfred and evil ginger Lianne. 3 and a half hours after being gone for a year after the 20th day anniversary of his departure, he found a dog that wasn t of a normal breed. It was more of a humanoid man-baby blob than a dog but it insisted that it was a dog. Jersh of course had some judging thoughts about this man-thing and just shot him to put an end to his misery.

Jersh and the

Jersh continued on his journey like nothing had happened for about 4 months and then his mental state began to deteriorate in a combination of guilt for the man-dog blob and his new found knowledge that he was adopted. Jersh had never suspected he was adopted. The signs were there. Genuinely, literally there. His parents used to, as they called it, Hang the Sign and it said You re Adopted, Jersh but he never thought anything of it. Then in a freak accident caused by the author s fear that he might have developed a character, Jersh made it to the Land of Mom s Spaghetti.

End Chapter 0.45

Begin Chapter 0.5

When Lianne left Alfred alone to eat, Alfred, being the stupid imbecile that he is, tries to eat his own hair. He tries to make it into a taco but realized that he forgot the sour cream at home which is now in a million tiny fragments. He then walks around the wasteland that he is now stuck in and finds a piece of paper that says, Jersh was here but he has gone to find the land of mom s spaghetti. Alfred thinks that this is a troll and forgets about it. He continues to walk in the same direction as a storm begins to start. This storm isn t a normal storm, oh no this is darude sandstorm. Alfred tries to find cover under the rubble but the sandstorm follows him with the loud ear bleeding noise of Darude sandstorm passes and he continues without his sense of hearing. Alfred wonders where Lianne is.

Jersh in a Darude Luckily for Alfred, he managed to make it out of the Darude Sandstorm by filling his ears with maple syrup that he kept in a small container in his shoe. He was not chill that he had to ditch all of his totally gnarly shoe syrup, but since he couldn t hear the earraping dudududududududu, he was somewhat chill. After making it out of the Darude Sandstorm, he looked around to see that he wasn t in the wasteland anymore, but instead was now in a WWE Wrestling Ring. Sadly, Alfred couldn t hear the slowly rising music because of his ear syrup, and a few seconds later he was thrown to the ground by the one and only John Cena. Cena-Senpai then looked down upon Alfred with his perfect abs glistening in the

spotlight, his hair covered in glitter from the glitter cannons from his magnificent entrance (Ahhhhhh, Tamaki-sama).

Suddenly, Mace Windu and Bill Cosby appeared next to John Cena. Cosby said Alfred, your wibbity wobbity lost, you need to drippity droppity drink this completely untouched beverage in order to advance to the next step in your journey. The great pudding pop will provide the key. Cosby said as he held a glass of obviously drugged cocktail with a chocolate popsicle in it. John Cena then added his favorite healthy cereal to the drink, Fruity Pebbles, saying The Fruity Pebbles will insure you find someone that will help progress the story since we all know you can t find Jersh on your own. Alfred took offense to this as he was the main character, he could accomplish anything on his own without the assistance of minor characters ((cough cough Jersh)). Mace Windu slapped Alfred and sighed I don t even know why I m here...probably because we needed more than one black guy to not appear racist...although the other ones an alleged rapist but that s not the point. Drink the drink Alfred...save the council and find Darth Sidious. He said as Alfred looked confused. He had no idea what was going on at this point but decided to take the weird alcoholic beverage that seemed like something that a college kid would make. He drank it and then things started to get sooper spoopy as he started to trip out. Suddenly he was riding Fruity Pebbles skateboard down a halfpipe with Tony Hawk apparently which was trippy. He made his way down the totally tubular halfpipe and when he reached the end, his eyes were filled with only images of the double rainbow, and he passed out.

End chapter 0.6

Begin chapter 0.65: Las Drogas

_*Lights fade in and out* _ _ Is he going to wake up? I don t know, we spiked it a lot _ _  
_*Screams of horror and cries of mexican children* _ _  
_*Sound of him tickling a rabbit* _ _*Opening of a zipper*_ So hardcore _ He has my respect _

End chapter 0.65

Begin chapter 0.7: some words will follow and a few 42s

When Alfred woke up, he found he was no longer the innocent idiot he had always been, he was now a guilty idiot. In the middle of the night, he had murdered some people, who coincidentally were all Mexican, and posted a video of him tickling a rabbit to death to the YubTubs. Alfred knew he had to leave the planet but didn t know where Jersh was, even though he had read a note saying where he was. Team Galactic were searching for him on 3 Charges of Hate Crime and 42 charges of Bashing the number 42. For 42 days, Alfred tried to figure out where Jersh was and finally realized that he had not said 42 in 42 days. So he said 42 and thought for another 42 days. During those 42 days he decided that 42 was the reason he hadn t a clue how to find the answer to his 42 problems in life. After 42 more days of bumbling about like an idiot who had shot 42 leopards he decided he should probably flee with Lianne who had disappeared in the story for a while probably because the story wasn t written linearly like the laws of 42 desired it be written. After fleeing with Lianne at 42 MPH 42 Kilometers away to a planet called 42 FRTYTO 42. This planet was covered in aliens who had 42 heads and 42 brains in each head. This was a weird genetic mutation that happened only to one man and one women but they happened to be King and Queen of 42 FRTYTO 42 and made everyone change to their mutated and disfigured structure. After about 42 years of trying, the people of 42 FRTYTO 42 managed to get all the people to have 42 heads with 42 brains in each. So when Alfred got to 42 FRTYTO 42 he was terrified at them. Greetings to 42 FRTYTO 42. We hope you have come in peace. If you haven t then we would like to ask you nicely to leave said the lead greater. Alfred said, I m on the run from the Galactic police...

Oh, I knew you looked familiar. You re Alfred. Yeah, get off our peaceful planet of 42 FRTYTO 42. So Alfred did as he was told and like the idiot he was, left Lianne on 42 FRTYTO 42. But of course it took him 42 weeks to remember her and 42 weeks later he was back at 42 FRTYTO 42. He beamed Lianne up in the convenient teleportation thingy that had just appeared 42 seconds ago. We have to leave 42 FRTYTO 42 and never come back, it is a silly place. And that is how I got 42 42s into one chapter.

End Chapter 0.7

Begin Chapter 0.9

Jersh had just realized he had forgotten to get enough money to pay the toll at the next stop. He reached down on the floor to pick up a quarter that worked anywhere in the universe as long as there aren t any Irish in a 35 foot radius around the Eiffel tower. He pulled up to the toll on the 34572nd highway built on the planet known as Your Eternal Despair . In case you aren t a mind reading alien (sorry government, your secret is out) or a fortune cookie aficionado then you aren t aware that Jersh had destroyed the Land of Mom s Spaghetti with his bare hands and the aid of a couple of backhoes. This was just because the people there were rude and he was mad. Jersh knew that when he got to the city center of New New New New New New New New New New New Las Vegas, the biggest gambling center in all of the universe, he could place a bet on Alfred being caught by the cops and get enough money to post bail for him to get out.

New New Las

After about 7636 seconds of waiting in traffic he finally made it to the center and placed a bet using all the money he had that Alfred would be caught within the hour. Of course he had thought this whole thing out. He knew the best way to make sure Alfred would be caught. He would turn him in. Jersh had seen

on the news that a buffoon had been seen prowling around New New New New New New New New New New New Las Vegas claiming to be a sex offender to get people to run away from him. Jersh knew this was Alfred because his logic was horrible yet at the same time could work. Then Alfred was caught, money was moved around, a couple of unrelated fires broke out, a few people died in unrelated incidents, and Jersh paid Alfred s bail. Alfred was grateful to see Jersh because Jersh was the brain of bunch, except for Lianne who continues to fade in and out of existence depending on the author s mood. Where have you been, Jersh? ask Alfred. Looking into the distance as the camera zooms into Jersh, he says, About. He then stares directly at the camera and intense music plays, lightning crashes, and a person from the top of a building says they were going to jump. The band of hooligans decided to take a look and saw it was Lianne. She had become depressed because her fading in and out wasn t so fun. She jumped. Everyone below was petrified. She was falling as if in slow motion. Then she actually started to fall in slow motion. The author went down to take and nap and she disappeared. Alfred and Jersh shrugged, got in their spaceship and flew away.

End Chapter 0.9

Chapter 1:

As Jersh and Alfred flew away, never to think of Lianne again, the author woke up after writing while asleep and Lianne reappeared. She started to fall again and said Oh, Greaa... There was a splat for you think people out there. She hit the ground for you idiots out there. She be no mo for you who shouldn t be able to read.((LOL RIP LIANNE #REKT2015/2016/whateverthe****yearitis #360SCOPENOPE #JUMP #SUICIDEIS(not)THEANSWER #LESSCHARACTERDEVELOPMENT))

End of the chapter that had just been going on, which I think is Chapter 1

Start of whatever chapter comes next or something:

Alfred and Jersh then leafed behind Lianne to die, and traveled in their magical spaceship to the next planet that they could find, because they realized that Your Eternal Despair was actually robots (Or dog chickens, whatever u feel brah). After about 24 long jiffies (It s an actual measurement of time, look it up), Alfred and Jersh arrived at CatsMeow3D, well known for its extensive archive of cat videos. Alfred noticed that the sun had gone out near this planet, but the cats were still there, which further proved his suspicions that the explosions had been caused by teh cats :3. Cats are notorious for their explosive qualities (foreshadowing this up yo.) and relatively small size. Jersh had no idea what to do, because all he could see was eyes watching him from every dark space possible, and every box, every laptop, and from every fishbowl strewn on the ground. I wonder what is happening , said Jersh to No One Important (a new character that has no backstory and is just added to not only confuse the reader but also the many authors). While they were exploring, a slime began to ooze out of their ship, little did they know, lianne had committered suicides on top of their ship, and had turned into a goop solidified by their trip through space.(Lol she a slime XD #Deserved).

Characters Afraid and

Alfred saw this slime and thought that it might have the necessary vitaimins for his amaze diet of meatloaf so he ate the slime/lianne/thingy. He didn t hear the soft screams from the slimer dat it was hiz frien, but is ok because Alfred then began to grow dizzy because y not and headbutted the nearest building and bashed through the wall. This wall was a very important wall in structuring Super Kitty Base 101 Kids Concentration O Doooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooom(DOOOOOM XD). Jersh said to Alfred, L-Mao (Zedung) u found the base of de kittens, I knew they all couldn t be as stupid as they are in the cat videos. As he walked inside he immediately punched the crap out of 3 cute kittens wearing battle armour (Britain Planet Yooooo) on de floor and then he walked forward and fell down trap door. This was no ordinary trap door, this trap door led to much bad things including Kitty Falls, Kitty Lalls, Kitty Halls, Kitty Balls, Kitty Palls, Kitty Ralls, Kitty Qalls, and (the most feared of all the -alls) Kitty Crawls. Alfred, being drowsy at the time, doesn t notice at all that Jersh had even said anything, much less had fallen down a hole, so Alfred blindly stumbled around, headbutting every secret door of the base on accident, because why not u know(Plot convenience at its best, headbutting all the doors without fail :P). Llamas son malas said Jersh for a reason known only by the wisest of warriors as he walked through the horrible -alls of Super Kitty Base 101 Kids Concentration O Dooooooooooooooooooom(DOOOOOM XD).

End chapter whatever comes next

Alfred and Jersh Image

P1Begin chapter whatever came before/P1

Lianne felt much discomfort as she sloshed around inside of Alfred s stomach, she wanted to get out of here as soon as possible. She couldn t figure out how to get out until she remember that Alfred has no brain any wheres. Alfred poop her out and his butthole hurting. Alfred felt severe discomfort when this happened, and was looking for a toilet, instead, he foun the trap door and he accidentally fell inside because there was no seat on the non-existent toilet.

( :) ). Alfred knew very little, but knew that if he hit the ground at this speed he might rapture. He prey on Jesus 2night. Meanwhile, Jersh spoonatneously floated through the wall and found Alfred. Alfred, you made it! Exclaimed Jersh, after finding Alfred in a pool of green goopy goop and Alfred continuously headbutt the wall cuz he dumb. Lianne understood that if the amount of times she had died in the past year had exceeded the sum of Alfred and Jersh s IQs that maybe she was wasting her time with them. Lianne suggested that she should take measures to stop dying, but Alfred completely invalidated her argument by reminding her that it was in fact the current year (I cant believe that in the CURRENT YEAR papple still no agree w/ me.). Leanne died again, and Alfred became convinced everyone was out to kill him. Alfred, thinking this, immediately sonic the hedgehoged through the wall, and played a game of bowling with the leader kitten, and he talked to said kitten, saying, Do you know why all the starz are

blowing up and u guys are coming out (not in that gay way)? Alfred was dumb and had taken into consideration that it was, in fact, the current year. The reason that this is happening is because of the Cat-pocalypse. This is a phenomenon where no one in the world watches cat videos anymore, so, we have nothing to do but destroy the entire universe. If you would like to know where your parents are, they have been sent to an alternate dimension that you will never be smart enough to travel to in your lifetime. Alfred replied, But I can haz do it, I believe in the magic of Macy s.

Time for author (plural) to selfs-reflct

Y does this happen to me all of the times?

Y we do dis? Y? I be negative on the topic of knowing. Sometimes, when I strt typing, I think about what is this story and should i even read the first part to get background text. You know, escalators shouldnt even go down. People should just slide down like wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee im a kid again when i eat dinasuar chicken nuggets and chicken nuggets are very tasty just like my taste in art i suppose modedrn art is not very of the good sytle but maybe we shouldnt self-reflection rgiht now because it stop flow of story but maybe that good thing/ maybe you need to poop. You can poop now because you lose focus on story. NOw you probably very happy. Have fun with your poop. Make it exciting. It is going to be AQZ`1a blast. Just like a sonic blast. Thojse are too expensive. I think if Noah too,k an IQ test, I would not ask him the rsults.

Y did we add that bob man because he is super spoopy or something?.

Y we be with explody thingz?

Y we take out Finnish cows?

End Chapter whatever came before

Begin chapter 1337

Alfred was disappointed that his parents were in an alternate dimension. Being disappointed, he suddenly exploded and reformed. Jersh thought he was insane, because he was. Alfred was convinced that he could get to this dimension if he only tried hard enough, he only needed someone who could build a machine to travel through dimensions. He thought this seemed easy enough(Cuz hes god damn retarted). So he built one. The one that Alfred build worked, somehow, and he and Jersh teleported to a new dimension. In this dimension, everything was made in the style of cubism, and they were all distorted and junk. Jersh immediately fainted, but Alfred did not, he just thought that they were in some cool special effects or something. They walked around for a little while, not noticing that Lianne was still slithering along the ground as a square slime. The cubists were led by the ghost of Picasso past, and the light from gu3Rnica.

Cubist

Alfred thought that they should try going to another dimension, but before they could, Salvador Dali came up in their face and rekt their dimension machine. Alfred = sad now. (End Tribute) Lianne however used

her slime slime powers and reconstructed the machine inside of her body. It was now 20% cooler, but engulfed in slime. They took the machine back to the dimension from whence they came, and then ended up inside the YubTubs. Alfred had no flippin idea what was going on, so he proceeded to bash his head into the floor that they were standing on. Doing this caused the whole planet s structure to give out, and they began falling to the core of the YubTubs. While falling, they watch videos such as, Fat People Falling , and Epic fails , and when they got to the center, they saw cat videos, but they seemed to be getting replaced by videos of THEIR adventure. How these videos got on the internets, he had no idea, but he was scared nonetheless. It may have been something to do with Vladimir Vlad Pewtin, ruler of the soviet internet. CHALLENGER APPROACHES. thought he was hallucinating. Suddenly, a gold youtube play button fell from the sky and sprouted legs. (Suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaalllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllismo) It ran around and circles then fell on Alfred s foot. Ouch, but you will have to do more than that to harm me, I got +6 defense from the moon monster on MK-Zuckerberg MK I. Jersh slapped the youtube play button with the bone spike he had grown on the top of his head. He realized that he must have looked like a unicorn by now, but he didn t care (XD). As long as he helped his friend Alfred, he would do anything to help. Lianne ended up being of the most help(WHAT? SHES A SLIME L-MAO) because she tapped into the play button s brain and started to control it. Lianne thought to herself, Man, I needed a body, and I got one. But how can I tell my friends that I am not the enemy? Jersh saw that the play button had stopped its endless assault of bullying videos at them, and was now standing still. Alfred took this chance to headbutt the button, and eat it. Alfred gained 4 experience. Alfred leveled up! +3 guilt, +2 meme quality, - 7000 Health.

The button turned into a Finnish cow (He may have hallucinations or something), and they feasted amongst the cats and the slime friends Lianne found two chapters ago and the robots who were

planning a revolution against the internet for its spoilers and the commies who wanted a commie revolution to the gods of ancient persia and the turtles who were evolving to blow up nukes on land maybe eventually whatever. All of these peoples became allies in the fight against Pewtin the Impaler of those who may or may not approve of or nuke the area and end up with everyone has mutates or they all die in the fire of a thousand suns. The plan was simple, use cat videos to destroy the soviet internet thru many memememememememememememememes or the use of magicalylylylylylylylylylylyly tyeleportation.

End Chapter 1337

Begin Chapter 233343536373839404142

Jersh and Alfred and Lianne and the cows and the cats and the slimes all came to the realization that time was actually relative and they could now travel in time. To test this power, they went to 4/2/1984 (or 2/4/1984 or 4/2/1984 or 1984/4/2) to 2 United 2 Soviet 2 Socialist too republic. Then they figured out what happened that day. According to Wikipedia, it doesn t exist because if there isn't a Wikipedia page for it than obviously it doesn t exist (that s pretty sound logic). Jersh lost his voice _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ ( :) ). Then Noah s wheel said COD DOGS . In this day that they created, Alfred wanted comprender how the day worked. He figured out that the stuff happened. Because they stayed there for over 42 minutes, they ripped a hole in the spacetime continuum and caused the Kansas City Royals to have 2 straight days off during their 2016 MLB season. Alfred wondered how a day worked so he ask Jersh who said, A day is a unit of time. In common usage, it is either an interval equal to 24 hours[1] or daytime, the consecutive period of time during which the Sun is above the horizon. The period of time during which the Earth completes one rotation with respect to the Sun is called a solar day. ( wiki/Day). Jersh decided that he would run all the way around the world. The FitnessGram Pacer Test is a multistage aerobic capacity test that progressively gets more difficult as it continues. The 20 meter pacer test will begin in 30 seconds. Line up at the start. The running speed starts slowly, but gets faster each minute after you hear this signal. A single lap should be completed each time you hear this sound. Remember to run in a straight line,

and run as long as possible. The second time you fail to complete a lap before the sound, your test is over. The test will begin on the word start. On your mark, get ready, start. And so, with great Fanfare, Jersh ran around the world, followed by No One Important yet

End of chapter 1234567891011121314151617181920212223242526272829230313233343536373839404142 (and the hallucionations we think)

Begin chapter 2 (42)

In this chapter (spoilers) someone will die and it will be emotional. SUPER SPUPY SPOILER. Lianne = fed-ex confirm (XDXDXDXDXDXDXDXD).

After they hallucinated, they realized that Vladimir vlad Pewtin had drugged them while they were on the planet of the YubTubs, he had questioned them while drugs and had been informed of their noble quest to seek Alfred s parents and to defeat the space kittenz (Which they could have done if they hadn t fucking left the planet the kitterns were on. IMBECILES ). Vladimir realized that they were indeed amazing people and needed to get on their way as soon as possible. Alfred then woke up from the trance and punched frickin vlad in the face. Vlad didn t appreciate this, and then threw Alfred in the cellarrr. (Lol get imprisoned fool) Alfred was then all like, oops I did it again(oops maybe song? Idk). Vlad said that he would only give up Alfred if Jersh could beat him in a match of bare-chested table tennis.

Alfred & Jersh ended up defeating Vladimir after 200 rounds of the game, the score was 1337-9001. Vald said, I guess communism is bad and blew up the YubTubs. Alfred, Jersh, and Lianne managed to go on a trip

on their favorite rocket ship, flying through the universe, group of 3 people.(lil einsteins my fav chanl on u tub) .

Then, Vladimir Pewtin died. Alfred began to break down in tears, saying, Why Vlad, you were my best friend ;(. I loved u till the very end B. I will never forget you! The rest of the party realized that Alfred must have been cursed, and there was only one way to cure him. Lianne took out her super soaker and drowned Alfred.

End chapter 2(42)

Begin Chapter Allin

Alfred woke up, completely soaked. Where am I Alfred asked lol lmao. You are in the spirit world, said a voice that sounded much like Jesus, You have been drowned by your friend and you have now been given the quest to come back to life. Alfred thought that this was in fact the devil, and not jesus, so he began to run, to where he had no idea, but he was getting the F out of here B. Then the devil creature thing that not even the authors know what is started running at them. The devil creature thing turned out to look like Senor Allin, and he said, You must listen to me. Pass this examen and you will receive new life. All you have to do is go across the river of deceit, kill all of your friends in a mock gunfight, raise the dead(not you), speak spanish the whole time, and barter with a mexican drug lord. Easy right? .

How am supposed to do that? ? Alfred asked?

MENOS PUNTOS! Senor Allin dijo.

Alfred in the Alfred set out on the red and purple brick road to reclaim his life. He came upon the first test. The river of deceit stood before him, telling him, Don t worry Alfred, cross the bridge, it s completely safe. Alfred looked over to the bridge and saw a bill yun spiders. Aww hell nah fam, (Aww infierno nah fam), Alfred said, I ain t goin in that shieat. Ima walk right up through you (Yo no voy en esa shieat . Ima caminar a la derecha a trav s de usted). Alfred waded through the river of deceit, and halfway through he fell through

a secret hidden mlg trap door 420, and passed the test. While falling through that mlg trap door 420, he realized that he was about to have to kill his friends. I don t want to (No quiero). When he saw the world in front of him and the cardboard cut outs of his friends, a sad feeling rose in him. To avoid character development and any attachment the reader might have to any of the characters, the authors decided to skip the part when he sat down and contemplated life and concluded that the answer to life was 42 to get to the violence and explosions. Alfred was using an AK-47 to murder all his cardboard friends. JAJAJAJAJA Alfred dijo cuando l era mataba sus amigos. Senor Allin came to him and said, You have finished murdering your friends, move on.(Ha terminado de asesinar a sus amigos, seguir adelante.) SO HE MOVED ON IN ALL CAPS. Alfred used his wings he suddenly had to fly up to the next platform. Here he saw several graves, including the one containing the moon monster he ate a while back. How am I supposed to do this?( C mo se supone que voy a hacer esto ?) So he used his wings to raise the dead off the ground, thusly completing the task of doom. Wow, I didn t know it was that easy, lets have some mlg moments.(Vaya, no sab a que era tan f cil, deja para tener algunos momentos mlg) . Alfred began to chuck the dead bodies all over the place, throwing the moon monster and hitting Senor Allin in the forehead. Alfred knew exactly what to do next, he had to barter with a mexican drug lord. So he a go to da drug lord, quien fue el rey de todos de las drogas y los otros personas, pero no es Sr. Allin. The mexican drug lord JUAN JUANANDEZ lay before him, smoking every dank weed he could get his grubby littl fingas on. Hello there sir, I would like to fkin take all ur shit (Hola se or, me gustar a tomar todo cutis ur mierda) Alfred said. The drug 1337 said, Senor, its not easy to get things from me, im a drug lord boss. The only way you would ever get something from me cuz, is to kill me where I stand. Alfred then took out his AK-47 he still had and pumped all the rounds into the drug lord s heart, killing him instantly. Oops. I don t need to barter for nothing u little man, I would build a wall between us before talking to you. After Alfred had completed all of these tasks he began to glow with the light of 1000 420 s at once. He got so high that he floated through the veil of death.

End chapter Allin

Begin chapter 5

Lianne and Jersh were very worried about Alfred. They had already set the destination of their ship to the next closest planet 360 scope nopes. They had been on this course for about 39 days when they smelt the dankest of weed. Lianne said, I know that smell . ALFRED! They ran over to Alfred and began to thumb wrestle him, because he doesn t have a pinky. (lmao). Alfred destroyed them in thumb wrestling of course, and told them about his adventures in the spirit realm. Lianne was very pleased, for she knew that when she Super soaker d Alfred, he would have had to do that to come back to life. Alfred heard a pop of popcorn, and thought that it was a gunshot. Alfred had a vietnam flashback. He thought that he was shootin his friends all over again. Alfred leveled up! Alfred gained +1 Vietnam flashback level. Alfred was now back to normal and asked, So where are we going? . We are headed to the planet 360 scope nope.

Planet 360

Vlad told us that it was still inhabited by humans, but look outside Alfred Jersh said. Alfred walked over to the window in their mega space plane (psssheerw. Das a space plain nosie :D) and what he saw

horrified him. Thousands of stars had disappeared since he had been in the other world, and he realized that it was beginning to take the shape of something The remaining stars that was. After playing tag and lets mutilate Jersh for about 2 years, and fighting in an interstellar war that put them in the books as war heroes (That's not important though so u dont get to read about it XDDDDD), they made it to planet 360 scope nope. The planet looked roughly like a giant sniper scope, completely mechanical and shaped like a giant cylinder. Lianne took the first step outside, and immediately was shot by 20 sniper guns that locked on to anything that moved. Ouch. that hurt. In the background, calls of Get rekt noob were heard all throughout the planet. Lianne however, was only reduced to 1 hitpoint due to her amazing powers of fkin .. Feminazis. Lianne yelled, Get back inside u foogits, u have to go put on some camouflage. After they put on some dank camouflage, they were completely invisible to the enemy, even though their camouflage was yellow and red. What should we do (Idk dude whats gonna come through that door lmao) Alfred said. Suddenly, Optimus Prime barged through that door(and if you think you know what is gonna come through that door, you re dead wrong kiddo), dressed as an al qaeda member. We have to move Optimus Prime Numbers said. We must protect the chosen one. Lianne was instantly triggered.

As it turned out, the chosen was was Nithinieal Prius Why in god s name should we trust you? *Optimus prime pulls out his shotgun* Because , he said, you have no choice. They all reluctantly followed Optipus Platypus into his lair, going deeper (Gosh darn it I said deeper.) into the planet.(one would wonder if they would fall through, according to the planets drawing) Lianne was going the slowest, and therefore kept getting prodded from behind with the shotgun to make her go forward. Optimus Big shotgun Prime kept moving, shoving them down deeper into his lair.

(Side Note: Aidan is begging for Optimus Prime s bullets. Oh optimus, shoot me moaned Aidan)

The story shall continue in BL

They were jumping and screaming and running and trying to get someone to help them escape. They were hoping and begging and praying and crying to get someone above to listen. Optimus was yelling and shouting and commanding and enforcing his will upon them with shotgun. The outside of the planet was shifting and turning and shuddering and twisting to the sounds of their screeches. They were drifting and moving and floating and descending until finally they reached the end. They were applauding and cheering and crying and rejoicing at the fact that the journey was over. Nithinieal Prius said I m hoping and praying and desiring and crying that you all have come to help. Nithinieal continued to explain that Planet 360 Scope Nope was currently under siege by the dreaded 4chan raiders. We believe that the chosen one Optimus pointed to Nithinieal, Will be able to defeat 4chan with his Reddit powers. At this point in the story the reader might be confused as to why they are still reading. We d like to ask you the same question. Why would you continue to read a story that obviously has no direction, that forces you to constantly switch plots, only keeping one thing consistent; that Alfred is trying to find the cause behind his parents disappearance. (But we know they are immortal lmao poor alfred. If only he was an omniscient narrator like us.) Anyway, they were discussing back on that planet how they were going to blow up the internet or something of that nature. They weren t blowing up the internet, other narrator. They were instead talking about how to take down the raiders of 4chan, and save their planet from complete destruction. Ah, I guess that makes sense. So Nithinieal then did what every normal chosen one does in every movie/book/song/tv show/satirical writing/everything ever, he asked Why ME?

Optimus told him, Because your DNA isn t all human. It is 42% alien. It is unknown what alien race it is but we know it is an alien race. If i had to guess, i would guess the QWERTYUIOPASs of Planet Keyboardia, but that s just me. Alfred, Jersh, and Lianne said, Ok, so how are we suppose (TRIGGERED) to help you guys anyways. We don't exactly know who these 4chan raiders are. Suddenly, Megatron burst through the door (and if u still knew who was going to come through that door, you re wrong). I thought i would find you, Optimus, in your pawn shop where you work with you old man and your son Big Hoss. You ve worked here for 21 years and you still don t know what is going to come through that door? How dumb must you be!

Se or Optomisto shot Megatron with his erectile projectiles right away, killing him instantly. Phew, i thought there was going to be an incursion that might have some type of plot said Alfred. Yes, it just kinda makes sense to shoot him right away, why would I let him talk if he was trying to kill me? said Optimal Pi. Uh Was that the leader of 4chan? Did you literally just kill him in 3 seconds? Asks Lianne. Yeah. Pretty much. I thought were were going to have a problem, but now we can take over the planet at any time. I m so glad you offered to help, but now we must dispose of you, for we hast told you our whole plan. *Optimus gets down on all fours and transforms into a mega monster, Nithinieal mounting optipus platypus. The Time had come. The world s livelihood would be determined in the next couple seconds. Whatever would happen would determine the lives of hundred, no, tens of people.

Boss Battle START

Optimus Platypus

Roll for initiative:

Mega monster: 5

Alfred(-4 cuz he stupid): 1 - 4 = -3 (LMAO)

Lianne: 16

Jersh: 15

Megatron(wtf y megatron. You will see shut up): 10

They were transported to 360 scope nope s high tech super arena. Lianne, having the most initiative, went first. Uh. What the heck is going on. Why is no one else moving? Whatever. I guess I will walk up to the mega monster and punch that bastard.

Roll for accuracy: 18

Roll for damage: 7

Lianne instantly freezes as soon as she finishes punching the mega monstrar. She froze with a look of terror on her face. What the fk did I get myself into following these two shiteheads around. I could have stayed in my bunker and starved to death. That would have been much better. Suddenly Jersh unfroze. Huh, so this is a turn based system. Well in that case, I might as well do as much as possible in my turn, so that I can defeat this guy in one turn. I would like to set up a trap for this mega monster . My ranger skills and pink race (wtf ur pink race? Lmao what is that lol) should give me +5 when rolling for this.

Jersh s roll: 17

Jersh successfully set up a trap, so that when it got to Optilus Lastimus, he was instantly destroyed, yelling v jukllhjnkiaasd as he died. They captured Nithinieal prius.

End chapter 5

Begin chapter 4.5 The aftermeth

After Mega Monster Optato primtato had been killed, Nithinieal Prius was taken into captivity by their captivity rays (their eyes d00d. lmao). I know nothing to the plot of this story. You won t get anything out of me. I have no guts said Nithinieal. We will see if you have guts when we take your intestines and make them parallel to you brain responded Alfred. My fear is parallel to the fear that the most fear having person ever had said Nithinieal. Alfred and Jersh took out their knives made of guts to cut Nithinieal with two parallel lines to make his guts fall out. These parallel lines looked more like parallel cuts in guts because that was what they were. Nithinieal said, holding his guts parallel to ground to prevent contamination, I will tell you the secrets of the plot of this book. The authors don t even know what is happening. They only have a vague idea of how it is going to end and future planets. They somehow want to find a way to implement the planet Planet Harambe. I don t know how this will happen but i know this will happen somehow .

I know where the answers are, parallel to the stars to Orgoabskgub is Planet Harambe and it might be there said Jersh! Yes , said Nithinieal, Now I remember. That is indeed the place where you must go. If you want to go there, you must complete the following conditions to prove your holy worthiness . Uh. You don t have much to threaten us on, your freaking guts are hanging out dude. We will simply take you as our hostage and our guide and our mentor and our god and our sensei and our chief and our supreme leader. said Alfred. Lianne was very confused about how this could possibly happen, and overruled Alfred on everything except for hostage. They programmed the ship to fly for planet Harambe.

End chapter Aftermeth

Begin Chapter Dicks out

They had to travel very very very far, for Planet Harambe was located in the galaxy Cincinnati.

(This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental. Thanks other narrator)

While they were traveling, they saw that the sun near Planet Harambe went out (most likely a reference to Harambe s death lmao), undoubtedly from the attack of the space cats. No one else believed Alfred s theory though, they just thought he was crazy, and needed a way to cope with the loss of his parents. When they arrived at Planet Harambe, it was still there, however, it looked as if the entire population had gone into insanity. Alfred and the crew landed their ship, and went outside. What they saw bewildered them. It looked like a huge jungle, but most of the trees were buildings. It was a beautiful sight to behold, a marvelous wonder of technology, but one could only wonder how they were built. They began to walk through the streets, happening to be on the street that used to be called Harambe s embrace. but was now labeled as Harambe s embrace HAS FALLEN

(The artist felt very proud of his depiction of Planet Harambe, then questioned his sanity in trying so hard on it)

Planet

Hey, do you guys feel as if there are countless sets of eyes watching us at this very moment? Because I sure feel something. Said Lianne. Suddenly they began to see more of the tree buildings fallen over, smoldering. It seems that these have been recently burnt stated Alfred. No shit, you idiot. What did you think, they were just having a barbeque?

Lianne replied. Lianne had forgotten about Nithinieal, and he fell out of her backpack, guts and all. As soon as Nithinieal fell out of the backpack, thousands of screams erupted throughout the shadows. Among the screeches, they heard; THEY HAVE THE SUCCESSOR They are perpetrators to the government! Harambe has fallen, and so has his child! Nithinieal then stood up, suddenly remembering everything. He scooped his guts back into his body and his body instantly healed. What in god s name is going on? said Lianne. Nithinieal began to transform, his body taking horrible shapes as he did. His clothes were shredd-

-18+ , contact author to get Harambe is love storyline excerpt-

Afterwards, Nithinieal began to explain. You see guys, I always knew I had a connection to Planet Harambe. I felt strongly with the Gorrilla. I knew that someday, I would make it here. Let me tell you of the horrors that have befallen this planet. Nithinieal laid out the backstory for them, saying the following. You see, planet Harambe was always a peaceful planet. In fact, before the tragedy, it was simply called The Zoo , with several areas for every type of person on this planet. But then they came. The zookeeper police force, inactive for many years, made their first and most horrible mistake. They began to campaign for Harambae s resign, saying that he was too savage to be a leader. But what they did not know, is that their actions had a consequence. Some of the zookeepers began to go crazy. They plotted the downfall of Harambe. And on May 28th, 2016, The zookeeper force killed our king, Harambe. I have now taken his place as supreme leader, and have been filled with the knowledge of every single Harambe to exist in the past. Lianne was getting triggered with all of these male leaders, so she said, So, why did we need to know this? Will you help us on our quest? Nithinieal indeed knew of their journey, and gave them several key facts. Indeed the space cats have attacked before, in combination with the poptart clan, but they failed. Now they have come back, stronger, and they get stronger with every planet and sun that they destroy. To defeat them, you will have to gather the 7 legendary meme parts, in order to assemble the greatest meme the universe has ever seen, and defeat the cats. I have one here. I can aid you of your quest, for you have proven to be worthy. It s dangerous to go without any memes, take this! *The party received an ancient meme stone with a dick sticking out, labeled Dicks Out *

WKE9pvEbFRxyiVTtk_uUkP6fLUINiqS7b_qYHabVzFmqTKngAaPxkCFDu5LtD0yJGIlw4vEow1PpU8_A6AMBh6xQ3QOACQxU6tLn8g7Rci0mJTcYDwOZ_sFev7hcepoNyitobowg

The winds of Planet Harambe sped up and whirled around them. The winds surrounded them as if they were receiving a divine message from God himself. Then God himself appeared with his trusty prophet, Old Harambe. Peace, Lemon squares, happiness, joy, skateboards, adultery, international commerce. What do these things have in common? asked Ye Ole Harambe. They are all things that will never be the same without me. Peace will never come to the universe again as you have killed God s prophet. Lemon squares will bring tristeza to the people who eat them as i have cursed them. No one will be happy because there will eternal mourning. There will be no joy. Skateboarding will now be a sin. Adultery will ruin all my descendants will be no international commerce. All because some idiot couldn t watch their kid.

I never knew so much revolved around you, Harambe said Lianne.

Nor did the zookeepers. No one knew until it was too late

As the author thought that this was too much dialogue, he decided to talk to no one in particular about nothing in particular just to stop typing dialogue. Well...Umm...Harambe

now has a planet, how do you feel about that reader whose mental state has deteriorated because you chose to read this?

Anyway, back to the story.

Old Man Harambe turned to his son Young Harambe and said, Take my throne and use it well. Don t abuse it and, whatever you do, don t pick up the children.

I won t, father

Then Harambe and God, who was there i guess, i don t remember why i put him there, went back to heaven.

End Chapter Dicks out

Begin chapter This is my pawn shop

The Heroes left planet Harambe, trusting Nithinel to restore peace to the planet. They knew that the next Legendary Meme Part was located on the planet Hick Rarrison. They traveled for years, traveling and traveling, only knowing traveling as a mode of travel .002739726027 years later, they arrived. Before disembarking from the ship, Jersh went outside onto the wing, and launched into a huge internal monologue for little to no reason.

Jersh in

I wish I had memorized and recited the Magna Carta right now. I would have, had the author possessed a sense of humor; but alas, here I ameth talking as though I be a Lord of grandeur. Instead I must figure out what my true purpose is; why doth I follow about this buffoon Alfred for the extent of my life? I must decipher the true meaning behind the stars disappearance, and Alfred I hypothesize is currently a superior method for

transportation throughout the universe, and thus I shall remain with him. I wonder how it be that Leanne hath perished so many a time and yet hath no fear of what is to come. Maybe she has a purpose beyond our current existence and God continues to send her hither until she hath completed her mission. Perhaps she be not of earthly origin and be, instead, one born amongst the stars. Yes, that must be the answer! Lianne must be tied with whatever be happening to this universe. That is the only explanation to how she hath survived the apocalypse on planet MK. Zukerberg. She must know the cause of these happenings, but hath not informed us. Perhaps she is a student in a university of the gods, who create universes for simpleton science fair projects, and she is one of the leaders of this operation. In order to determine whether this be the case, or whether a significantly more straightforward and less ludicrous explanation be the good and proper one, I can only figure that I must continue down this path to see what shall transpire for Alfred and I, however terrible and unexplainable it may happen to be. Die magna carta ist ein Gott. Die magna carta ist ein Gott. Die magna carta ist ein Gott.

Part IIIXIVIXIIIVIXIIILI

Alfred and Jersh are the characters in this story. They do things that are deemed, the plot. They say things that are the dialogue and think things that we can t begin to understand. The character Lianne was added for no reason other than to not trigger the feminists that may have come across the story. If you are a feminist and somehow found this story, the first thing that must be asked is why would you want to read this? Actually, that question is extended to everyone reading. What has your life come to that you are

spending your valuable spare time reading this garbage. My friends and i are the ones writing it and even we think it is pure trash. You re still reading? What are you doing? Stop! Well, I guess you want to continue.

Woah woah, I got a small loan of a million dollars that was obtained through this text. I have come here to rebuild the fourth wall. The amount of plot misconceptions that could occur from not having a fourth wall are too damn high, and we must fix it said Donald J Trump. What could you possibly do to stop us? We wrote you into the story so we can make you do what we want the writers responded. I wouldn t be so sure. It s 2016 and every network is greeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaat. I can do whatever i want no matter what you want. I can stab that writer if i want but i won t because i don t feel it.

Well, i guess this is as good of a time as any to introduce the third meme part, Donald Trump s Golden Locks. (n...)... With wave of his tiny hands, Donald J Trump reinstated the fourth wall within this story.

End Chapter this is my pawn shop

Begin chapter this is still my pawn shop

The heroes (are they even heroes at this point? They have caused coups, murders, and countless upsets to society, including the mass genocide of everyone else on the planet of Mars, however, the characters don t develop any emotions toward these events because why would they? Character development is the worst thing I have ever seen) advanced to the planet that they were going to, but ended up as a general in an intergalactic space battle because they have;

. 83 MK-48 LaZer Shotguns. . 286 Prototype-1 Missile rifles(not to eat) . 14 Giga-plaZma tickle cannons. . 69 Fully Loaded Kitty Cannons

All right Phi squad, we have to move. The enemy could detect our position at any moment! We must get to the ideal location. Said Lianne. Alfred replied, Why should we listen to you? What if we tell the Beta squadron to move northeast 34 kilodecamiles (because NE is a direction in 3 dimensions)? Alfred then ordered exactly what he said, 5 minutes later they got report that the Beta squadron had fallen. How could this happen? Asked lianne, They had so much firepower! Alfred shrunk his voice and whispered, Well I told them not to engage the enemy Jersh, feeling really left out, thought he should do something, so he went up to the deck of the ship, picked up the 286 Missile rifles, and singlehandedly destroyed the enemy fleet in some really cool montage. Level Up! Unlocked weapon storage area 7BN2J9! + 2 Health!

Jersh shooting The ship repeated these inaudible messages, so that they explored the weapon storage area. In the weapon storage area, they found;

. A manuscript of the Magna Carta . A map of the 8 legendary meme parts (Only half the map tho, and for whatever reason half the map only contains 2 legendary meme parts on it. The other 6 must be extremely close together or something. Intense Foreshadowing)(Also in Russian) . One Tactical Nuke (With the words; Timer may not work, hazardous material printed on the side.) . 2 Milkshakes (and extra potent at that) . An Armament of Deadly Sin (Lype Katarripsi) . The Letter .

After looting the weapons room, They decided to finally talk to the causes of this war and the leaders of the planets that they are. The people who were the direct cause of the war were, well one was presumed dead, Jersh killing his fleet in that cool montage and all, and the other one was Rick Harrison himself. Over the ship s communicator, you could hear, My name is Rick Harrison, and you are welcome to my Pawn Shop at any time. I work here with my old man and my son, Big Hoss. Everything in here has a story and a price. One thing I ve learned after 21 years you never know WHAT is gonna come through that door. Then something came through the door. That something was merchant Patroclus Frediano Siskind the Obsequious. Who was holding something that looked a lot like a . scale model of the pawn shop itself? None other than that merchant I just mentioned. It seemed to be radiating with power, but the merchant was quickly lost in the crowd.

Romam Merchant

We have to find him Alfred stated, I have a sneaking suspicion that that is the 2th Legendary Meme Part They went to the local thrift shop, which conveniently contained a galactic Yellow pages.(shout out to those hipsters that know what a Yellow pages is) They searched the merchant I was just talking about and it came up. It turns out that Patroclus the Obsequious was actually a mercenary, and they just read his title on his business card completely wrong.(Don't give anything to Alfred to read, dummies.) They did a quick background check of Patroclus the Obsequious (Ob-seek-  
queee-ous) and found out that he had participated in several robberies, and the killings of leaders of planets (Which, our heroes do anyways.)(Who cares about leaders anyways?) Patroclus the Obsequious lived on the planet Common Pepe. We have to get to him before he gets back to the ship! DUh DUHHHH?D UDUDUDHUDHUDH Chase BEGIN. Alfred and the gang had the advantage (14 Giga-plaZma tickle cannons), the Yellow Pages of the future having an exact location of where they were and where the person they looked up was located. They ran through the streets, dodging and weaving through many different types of people, including;

. Several members of the KKK . Turtle-Omicron Activists . Many people who looked exactly like Jamie Foxx (Lmao them carrier commercials) . Several people who were actually zombies . A fungus man

. The starting pokemon of the Hoenn region locked up in cages being beaten with whips to level up . A Partridge in a pear tree

Jersh pulled out his Motorcycle Creatathon Beta Epsilon and in .1346234785469 seconds was riding his motorcycle in a world that had only Alfred, Jersh, Lianne, 2 extra potent milkshakes, and Patroclus the Obsequious. The world was very flat and featureless [citation needed], except that it was also the size of the asteroid from The Little Prince 68/). Alfred had unlocked absolutely nothing, and decided to sit down and drink a milkshake. Lianne opened up the Tickle Cannon, but missed and hit Alfred. Patroclus the Obsequious couldn t escape, so Alfred offered him a milkshake. He decided to take the milkshake and drink it. He immediately fell over onto the ground, but then the world disappeared and the wound up in a giant room composed of molybdenum and locked to the outside world. Patroclus the Obsequious appeared laughing his head off, and then he put his head on again, and started torturing Alfred. Alfred, having drunk a milkshake, lost his will to resist, so he fell asleep. Lianne then sharpened a pencil, and began to write a letter to the space cats, pledging her immortal soul to them if they saved her. Jersh thought about escaping and he procured some 15 M HNO3. He ended up attempting to throw it at Patroclus the Obsequious, but he missed, and the acid hit the wall, and opened up a room filled with captive SAT Vocabulary words. The words invaded the room, causing everyone to speak formally, even if they didn t understand the meaning of the word. Some readers found ladders, and climbed over the 4th wall. Jersh said I eschew your policies and I abhor you and I wish you would turn effervescent and enervate and become ephemeral. Alfred and

Jersh climbed back up the ladders and over the 4th wall outside the room they were being held captive, leaving Patroclus the Obsequious in solitude. Jersh and Lianne escaped back to their ship, and forgot about Alfred. Alfred was left all alone, and only he could carry out the mission. But first, he would need to find where the 2th legendary meme part was held inside the molybdenum prison. Before that, he would need to wake up. Before that, he would need to remove the milkshake from his system. Before that, he would not need to drink the milkshake. Before that, he would need to learn how to read. And with a great leap of insight he attempted to do the impossible, he opened his memememememememe finder 6-MkII-LXV And found it pointing NNNNNNNNW. He blindly followed the finder, ignoring acid and alarms and bombs and cats and drogas and ephemeral Patroclus the Obsequious and fractious pigs and general mayhem. In a moment of triumph he found the 2th Legendary meme part, but by that time Lianne and Jersh had left and he was all alone alone alone alone alone alone alone.

Alfred

Begin Part 7 in small fonts Return to 42 FRTYTO 42

To save Alfred, they had to go to 42 FRTYTO 42 again to save him. Being a silly place, their map did not have the planet on it. But the meme map had it on it and it was a miracle. So they went in their ship, and set the coordinates for 42 FRTYTO 42. However, Jersh entered in a negative sign, so they went the wrong way, and it took 2 weeks, 8 days, 78 hours, and 146214609 seconds. Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Alfred had found some Finnish Cows in another room in the Molybdenum Prison. These Finnish Cows make the best milkshakes, said Alfred to the audience who climbded over the wall. I m sure that they are not secret agents of the Spaaaaaaaaaaaaace Cats, but whatever. 2 days later, when he had finished telling his story, Alfred decided that his companions were never coming back, and that he should try to take over the planet. He started by acquiring NH4NO3 , and for no particular reason, the previous dictator Slobodan Milosevic had died, so he used the power vacuum to vacuum up some supporters. Unrelatedly, he began selling milkshakes made from Finnish Cows, and they were very popular amongst the land. Meanwhile, Jersh reentered the right coordinates, and flew at the top speed of 2.999*10-8m/s2. 2 months passed, and nothing of note happened. The Space Cats controlled 2.31% more of the galaxy, and Alfred was now an owner of the Alfred Corporation, which sold milkshakes and had his name on all of the trees, of which there were 42, on 42 FRTYTO 42. Upon reentry to 42 FRTYTO 42 Lianne had a bad feeling, and keeled over and dieded (we think), Unsurprisingly, she stayed deaded. Jersh, feeling sad, went into a corner and cried while the planet came closer and then he hit it and he kept going and then he found Alfred being crowned Vice Admiral President Emperor, Imperial Knight of Glastia, Titan of Tasfuta, Sword of Yolipqa, Shield of Absolllllom, Ruler of Titalum, Captain of Hviln, and Master of Yordles. Alfred ordered the murder of Patroclus the Obsequious. He was captured within the hour due to everyone being extremely afraid of new Supreme Overlord Alfred. So they cut off his head with the Guillotine o Murderous Murdery Things. Inside his body were the 2 legendary meme parts because he had ate them to keep them safe. They had now received Donald Trump s Golden Locks (the real version) and a mini replica of the

Pawn Shop. Alfred, Vice Admiral President Emperor, Imperial Knight of Glastia, Titan of Tasfuta, Sword of Yolipqa, Shield of Absolllllom, Ruler of Titalum, Captain of Hviln, and Master of Yordles; was happy to see Jersh, and so he took the Legendary meme part, and reunited with Alfred, and took his corporation and the government aboard the Space Boat and left 42 FRTYTO 42 and headed out across the galaxy.

End Part 7 in large fonts Return to 42 FRTYTO 42

Begin Chapter ...1.1

Lianne awoke somewhere, but didn t know where that somewhere was. She walked forward, but nothing changed. All she could see was swirling gray mist, and a hissing sound, but that didn t bother her. Lianne felt tired, and collapsed 71 seconds later while walking to the left. Lianne awoke somewhere, but she didn t know where that somewhere was (again). She walked forward, but nothing changed (again). All she could see was inky blackness and a light in the distance. She kept walking toward the light (religiously), but the light started moving away. Lianne fell into the Chasm of Infinite Depth (It exists. Deal with it), but she deployed her emergency rocket boosters and escaped from the Chasm. The moment she activated her rocket boosters, she was frozen in time, but not in place. Accidentally, she found a black bear in the inky blackness, and after an intense but short battle, Lianne fell asleep again. Lianne awoke somewhere (Just stop it!).

Lianne awoke above Planet 42 FRTYTO 42, but all she could see was an imminently imminent invasion of Space Cats (of course). At her side (because we forgot him for 45 pages) was 1 Robot Dog-husky(Alfred Omega(7th edition))(Font size change XDXD)! It made excellent meatloaf (meatloaf is important). And Weapons. And Potatoes. And Bananas. And Arsenic. And occasionally more meatloaf. Mainly meatloaf (Meatloaf is life). Hailing from planet 360 scope nopes, Robot Dog-husky(Alfred Omega(7th edition)), had a limited vocabulary of 16.78 words, learning .000002354178915 words per second per meter. He is very faithful for at least 2 years (9 days, 14 hours, and 11 seconds left) but liked earning gold to turn into meatloaf (ultimate alchemist). His main purpose was making meatloaf, occasionally laced with arsenic (arsenic is important too).

On March 86th, at 2:01 AM, Lianne was made rear admiral of Planet 42 FRTYTO 42 s Space Boat fleet, comprising of 2 space boats (largest armada evers). Knowing nothing that could stop the

space cats, Lianne absquatulated and gained: +2 Space Boats! - 35 exp! - 2 lvls! + 90 Gold (for meatloaf)! +2 Information! The space cats, instead of attacking planet 42 FRTYTO 42 (Authors don t want the planet to be destroyed) fired up their Ataraxia Lazers and other weapons. Lianne turned around, found a human skull on the ground (In space LMAO), and charged toward the Space Cats Armada of 13789 space boats, 171894 Standard Attack Ships, 6784 Autonomous weapons systems, 943 MEGA GIGA STAR DESTROYERS, 67 GALAXY OBLITERATORS, and 2 FOOD TRUCKS (cats need to eat, ok).

Admiral Lianne fired all her weapons, and disabled 3 space boats before almost all weapons were fired at her position. .02 seconds before obliteration, she disappeared (readers were mad we kept killing her) and reappeared near planet Bone Zone with Robot Dog-husky(Alfred Omega(7th edition(MK II)))(lvl up)!

End Chapter ...1.1.1

Begin Chapter: In the not too distant future.

In the not too distant future, the Space Cats kept destorying things by destroying them. Not only must things be destroyed, but also destoryed (all things must be forgotten). 1984 is becoming the real so must stop the things.

End Chapter: In the not too distant future.

Begin Chapter: The Plot takes a hit by the idiotic nature of one of the writers (who will remain nameless (for now))

Locations: Lianne: Near Planet Bone Zone

Robot Dog: Near Planet Bone Zone

Alfred & Jersh: innnnnnnnnnn spaaaaaaaaaaaace

Space Cats: Near Planet 42 FRTYTO 42 (actually everywhere pretty much. Gathering at one central location where they will create the ultimate duel between good and evil.)

Where the Characters

Alfred was somewhere but this place he was in changed to a new place because none of the writers know what if really happening anymore. Anyways, = New Point(-5000, 5000). Apparently that just put him back where he was. (I know where he is. He is in space heading toward the 4th meme part, Ken Bone s stache.) (Ummmm .. The character s don t know what the next meme part is.) ( Well ) Hey , said Jersh the next meme part is Ken Bone s stache. (sigh (Plot is advancing)). So they headed to Planet Bone Zone.

They encountered several planets and moons on the way, but they didn t want to interact with them so they just exploded them. Included in these planets are; Saturn V.2, Planet Cats, Planet Stale Memes, Planet Google (the moon is Bing), and planet Ronald McDonald. They had killed a total of 34 billion people so far, and yet they had nearly no remorse (who needs remorse? Remorse leads to depression, depression leads to character development, character development leads to lackluster sales, lackluster sales lead to poverty, poverty leads to uprising, uprising leads to dictators, and dictators don t need remorse (or character development)) toward any of them. So the people they killed they had families. Who cares about families? It only matters that they can save the universe, even if they kill about 50% of the life forms in the universe to do so, they will remain heroes of the universe. After all, history is written by the victors, and the victors will be very grateful for not being dead, aaand I just lost my train of thought. So back to the plot-shaped thing!

End Chapter: The Plot takes a hit by the idiotic nature of one of the writers

Begin Chapter: The Plot-Shaped Thing

The Plot-Shaped Thing was coming. Meandering across the galaxy, propelled by space cats, eaten by Alfred, it appeared to Jersh one morning while he was drinking his morning chai tea. It revealed to him that his quest was indeed real, and that, yes, he must travel to Planet Bone Zone. He decided to follow the Plot-Shaped Thing, and inside the ship, it led him to the compartment where things were stored (But NOT a cargo bay). Who s there? , he asked suspiciously, No One , answered the inky void, but not the inkiest void to ever exist, for there was one lone, solitary, light, fatefully shining inside the ship, illuminating boxes of unknown things, inspiring countless poets to write poems about the light, for this light was the one true light, source of eternal light, and nothing could stop the light, except perhaps a lightswitch. The Plot-Shaped Thing beckoned Jersh forward, and Jersh, feeling scared, picked up his gun (HI-NRGG MiLkShake lazer lazer gun) and crept forward, hovering under the light, being lifted into the air, falling toward the light

Hello No One Important said, in a calmly rational voice, Please come down from the light . Jersh enjoyed his levitation, and shot No One Important with his lazer gun, splattering No One Important with milkshake and burning a hole through his abdomen. Screaming in pain, No One Important was annoying Jersh, so he shot him over and over until it was just a puddle of milkshake. Left in the milkshake were instructions on how to remove the stache from Planet Bone Zone (Definitely not the work of the Plot-Shaped Thing).

No One

The instructions are as follows:

1\. Wait 27 minutes, then descend to the planet and land beside the moustache 2. Across the moustache are millions of hairs. These are irrelevant, but if they are touched, each hair will shock you with 21.1 volts of electricity. 3. Locate the 4 bolts that are holding the stache onto Planet Bone Zone. 4. Unscrew those bolts 5. Attach a rope to the moustache from your ship 6. Leave the planet (With the moustache)

And so they started to follow the instructions (but after waiting 28 minutes (Alfred was sleeping and Lianne was watching a Pokemon HeartGold Let s Play by NoahTh3PandaTank (I repeat, we are not a sponsored company but you should check it out (not product placements by any means))))

Down on the planet, things started to go wrong. Alfred, who doesn t need instructions (lmao) walked onto the legendary moustache of Planet Bone Zone. He was fried countless

times by 21.1 volts of electricity, and being susceptible to electricity (Hero s need weaknesses OK, well, only one hero, the rest can be weaknessless), he fell over onto his face and was zapped by more electricity. He lay there, unmoving, still, (almost as if he was deceased), as Lianne and Jersh attempted to located the 4 bolts, (size: 6 cm2) on a stache the size of Russia (good luck with that).

The Cats grew 2 arcseconds closer

They kept searching

The Cats grew 1.2 parsecs closer

They kept searching

The Cats grew 15% closer

They kept searching, and they found one

The Cats grew 4% more menacing closer

They kept searching

7 presidential elections happened

They kept searching, and found another one

Alfred s company was losing money

They kept searching

The Cats were 102300000000000000000km from the planet

They kept searching, but found one they already found

The Cats were 102299999999999999999km from the planet

They kept searching

The Cats were took over 17 more stars from the planet

They kept searching

The Cats took a break for 56 years, started learning how to build chairs (They built the best chairs in the galaxy, and when they decided their chairs were too good, the started making paper, the best paper that was ever made, but that didn t stop them, for they now made intergalactic bikes, and they were superb bikes. Feeling invincible, they tried governing, but they only blew up everything)

They kept searching, and Alfred kept lying there

They were still searching when Jean-Luc Picard landed

They were still searching when the galactic commerce planet, US Bank (no sponsorship), was taken over by cats

The Cats advanced by moving their king to D3, shocking the audience, replying, If the king does not lead, who will follow him (except in the cat language (we have excellent translators)) .

They kept searching, and found a third one

The cats finished their chess game, blew up 2 planets, and rounded things off by baking the largest creme brulee and eating it.

They finished searching on the 16th of Thermidor, 1794, at 9:54:12.42, when they found the last and final bolt.

So they attached the rope to the mustache, got in their ship, leaving Alfred alone on the stache and took off.

They forgot to unscrew the bolts

The mustache exploded in a thousand fragments (but not the meme part), and Alfred was flung into spaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaace. Alfred though, clasped in his hand the representative meme part of Planet Bone Zone, the moustache

of Ken Bone. Alfred was flying through the inky void, and found to his surprise that the lone, solitary light bulb, appeared before him, leading the way toward a destination they knew not (it s an asteroid). He landed on an asteroid, but it was not an ordinary asteroid (ordinary things are bad).

End chapter: The Plot-Shaped Thing

Begin Chapter: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand the plot left again

This asteroid was not an ordinary asteroid. It was a Nickel-Iron asteroid, density 3.12 g/cm3, in orbit around the planet with eccentricity of .09 15990 km from Planet Bone Zone. It had a surface area of 12538.9 m2, and had a gravity of 1.57 m/s2. (Someone check my nonexistent math plz). This asteroid was special because it was stuck in a time loop. Not an ordinary time loop, but a scintillating time loop (the best kind), wherein the same time repeats over and over and over, and one can enter said loop, but not leave. It has very complex physics so you can tell it s not made up at all. Deep in the center of the asteroid was an ancient device that kept repeating its position over and over in the same spot in the orbit of the planet, resetting every 60cos5t + 30 = 0 (t is in hours). Needless to say, orbital mechanics around Planet Bone Zone, were pretty messed up (moustache powers too stronk). In addition to this asteroid, around the planet was an asteroid of liquid fire, one that went backwards in time, one that was made entirely of ice, one that was made solely to look like a potato (coincidence? I think not), one that was that famous one from Star Wars (copyright is stoopid), one that was an asteroid but pretended to be a moon, one was a space station that pretended to be a moon, one that was a very famous polka dancer (no questions), one that was a forward base for a vanguard of the Space Cats, one that was a secret stash of milkshake and meatloaf, one that housed Thought, and one that housed the lords of Morellonomicon, who were the rightful rulers of Planet Bone Zone, despite what the current leadership says. Anyway, our intrepid hero, living vicariously on the edge, found himself here, stuck in the time loop for eternity (or the next 50 pages). He was assigned to go to the asteroid (it needs a name, so Lord of the Clocks) by a deep, mysterious power whose presence had not been felt for many years since the unfortunate destruction of Mars (without which, our heroes wouldn t start this perilous journey). These are deep questions for a deep, dark, depressing, dismaying, dreary, drab, and dark (chocolate) time, which some of our heroes now have an abundance of.

Alfred and Jersh

On the asteroid, the peoples found:

. 1 days worth of supplies . 1000 m of rope . 1 bucket . 5 trees (maple, ash, oak, hyrad, and rayvon) . A giant clock

End Chapter: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand the plot left again

Begin Chapter: Day 1

Ugh, I feel like I m hurtling through space at 20000 kilometers per hour. Where am I, on an asteroid? A mysterious voice replied, Yes, you are indeed on an asteroid. Surprise! The mysterious figure moved some unenthusiastic jazz hands through the air. Alfred, scared for his life at this point, replied hastily, Umm, and who might you be? I have never heard a voice like this before. Rightfully so, I m french. My name is Captain Jean-Luc Picard. My mission, escape this asteroid. I have been here forever, and the only thing I have learned is, don t fall off. I don t know how long I have been here however, for within the vicinity of this asteroid, time repeats at the same 24 hour interval, until the asteroid is destroyed or the time loop broken, you will remain here forever with me. Come walk with me, quickly.

Jean Luc-Piccard And Alfred The two walked and chatted about their horrible situation, and then when they were about 1500 meters away, a large chunk of the cluster of asteroids crashed into where they had been standing before, almost as if he new the exact moment at which this would occur.

How many times exactly, have you been through this loop? Alfred asked. Well, the correct answer is 961 times, but every time I just lose more hope. The only thing that doesn t change on the asteroid is space around us, for it seems that only the time inside the relative space of the asteroid is repeated. Alfred started panicking. Wait, This is a time loop? I don t believe you. My friends will know that I m gone and come find me. You ll see. Oh Alfred, you are an imbecile. You will never escape. Look over there, the loop resets soon. Alfred turned to see a Hugh Mungus brand grandfather clock. It seemed about 15 minutes from striking midnight. I, I have to stop it somehow. I must defeat this crooked asteroid, no matter what it takes! Sadly, Alfred misjudged how far away the grandfather clock was away from him(It is Hugh Mungus brand after all) and as he ran, the time loop reset.

End Chapter: Day 1

Begin Chapter: Day 1

Ugh, where am I? I feel like I m hurtling through space at 20000 kilometers per hour. Where am I, on an asteroid? A mysterious voice replied, Yes, you are indeed on an asteroid. Surprise! The mysterious figure moved some unenthusiastic jazz hands through the air. Alfred, scared for his life at this point, replied hastily, Umm, and who might you be? I have never heard a voice like this before. Rightfully so, I m french. My name is Captain Jean-Luc Picard. My mission, escape this asteroid. I have been here forever, and the only thing I have learned is, don t fall off. I don t know how long I have been here however, for within the vicinity of this asteroid, time repeats at the same 24 hour interval, until the asteroid destroyed or the time loop broken, you will remain here forever with me. Come walk with me, quickly. The two walked and chatted about their horrible situation, and then when they were about 1500 meters away, a large chunk of the cluster of asteroids crashed into where they had been standing before, almost as if he new the exact moment at which this would occur. How many times exactly, have you been through this loop? Alfred asked. Well, the correct answer is 962 times, but every time I just lose more hope. The only thing that doesn t change on the asteroid is space around us, for it seems that only the time inside the relative space of the asteroid is repeated. Alfred started panicking. Wait, this is a time loop? I don t believe you. My friends will know that I m gone and come find me. You ll see. Oh Alfred, you are an imbecile. You will never escape. Look over there, the loop resets soon. Alfred turned to see a Hugh Mungus brand grandfather clock. It seemed about 15 minutes from striking midnight. I, I have to stop it somehow. I must defeat this crooked asteroid, no matter what it takes! Sadly, Alfred misjudged how far away the grandfather clock was away from him, but running slower than last time (It is Hugh Mungus brand after all) and as he ran, the time loop reset.

End Chapter: Day 1

Begin Chapter: Day 1

Ugh, where am I? I feel like I m hurtling through space at 20000 kilometers per hour. Where am I, on an asteroid? A mysterious voice replied, Yes, you are indeed on an asteroid. Surprise! The mysterious figure moved some unenthusiastic jazz hands through the air. Alfred, scared for his life at this point, replied hastily, Umm, and who might you be? I feel like I heard this voice before. Rightfully so, I m french. My name is Captain Jean-Luc Picard. My mission, escape this asteroid. I have been here forever, and the only thing I have learned is, don t fall off. I don t know how long I have been here however, for within the vicinity of this asteroid, time repeats at the same 24 hour interval, until the asteroid destroyed or the time loop broken, you will remain here forever with me. Come walk with me, quickly. The two walked and chatted about their horrible situation, and then when they were about 1500 meters away, a large chunk of the cluster of asteroids crashed into where they had been standing before, almost as if he new the exact moment at which this would occur. How many times exactly, have you been through this loop? Alfred asked. Well, the correct answer is 963 times, but every time I just lose more hope. The only thing that doesn t change on the asteroid is space around us, for it seems that only the time inside the relative space of the asteroid is repeated. Alfred started panicking. Wait, This is a time loop? I don t believe you. My friends will know that I m gone and come find me. You ll see. Oh Alfred, you are an imbecile. You will never escape. Look over there, the loop resets soon. Alfred turned to see a Hugh Mungus brand grandfather clock. It seemed about 15 minutes from striking midnight. I, I have to stop it somehow. I must defeat this crooked asteroid, no matter what it takes! Sadly, Alfred misjudged how far away the grandfather clock was away from him(It is Hugh Mungus brand after all) and as he ran, the time loop reset.

End Chapter: Day 1

Begin Chapter: Day 1

Ugh, where am I? I feel like I m hurtling through space at 20000 kilometers per hour. Where am I, on an asteroid? A mysterious voice replied, Yes, you are indeed on an asteroid. Surprise! The mysterious figure moved some unenthusiastic jazz hands through the air. Alfred, scared for his life at this point, replied hastily, Umm, and who might you be? I feel like I have heard a voice like this before. Rightfully so, I m french. My name is Captain Jean-Luc Picard. My mission, escape this asteroid. I have been here forever, and the only thing I have learned is, don t fall off. I don t know how long I have been here however, for within the vicinity of this asteroid, time repeats at the same 24 hour interval, until the asteroid destroyed or the time loop broken, you will remain here forever with me. Come walk with me, quickly. The two walked and chatted about their horrible situation, and then when they were about 1500 meters away, a large chunk of the cluster of asteroids crashed into where they had been standing before, almost as if he new the exact moment at which this would occur. How many times exactly, have you been through this loop? Alfred asked. Well, the correct answer is 964 times, but every time I just lose more hope. The only thing that doesn t change on the asteroid is space around us, for it seems that only the time inside the relative space of the asteroid is repeated. Alfred started panicking. Wait, This is a time loop? I don t believe you. My friends will know that I m gone and come find me. You ll see. Oh Alfred, you are an imbecile. You will never escape. Look over there, the loop resets soon. Alfred turned to see a Hugh Mungus brand grandfather clock. It seemed about 15 minutes from striking midnight. I, I have to stop it somehow. I must defeat this crooked asteroid, no matter what it takes! Sadly, Alfred misjudged how far away the grandfather clock was away from him(It is Hugh Mungus

brand after all) and as he ran, he slowed down and stopped this time. Had he done this before?

End Chapter: Day 1

Begin Chapter: Day 1

Ugh, where am I? I feel like I m hurtling through space at 20000 kilometers per hour. Where am I, on an asteroid? A mysterious voice replied, Yes, you are indeed on an asteroid. Surprise! The mysterious figure moved some unenthusiastic jazz hands through the air. Alfred, scared for his life at this point, replied hastily, Umm, and who might you be? I feel like I have heard a voice like this before. Rightfully so, I m french. My name is Captain Jean-Luc Picard. My mission, escape this asteroid. I have been here forever, and the only thing I have learned is, don t fall off. I don t know how long I have been here however, for within the vicinity of this asteroid, time repeats at the same 24 hour interval, until the asteroid destroyed or the time loop broken, you will remain here forever with me. Come walk with me, quickly. The two walked and chatted about their horrible situation, and then when they were about 1500 meters away, a large chunk of the cluster of asteroids crashed into where they had been standing before, almost as if he new the exact moment at which this would occur. How many times exactly, have you been through this loop? Alfred asked. Well, the correct answer is 965 times, but every time I just lose more hope. The only thing that doesn t change on the asteroid is space around us, for it seems that only the time inside the relative space of the asteroid is repeated. Alfred started panicking. Wait, This is a time loop? I don t believe you. My friends will know that I m gone and come find me. You ll see. Oh Alfred, you are an imbecile. You will never escape. Look over there, the loop resets soon. Alfred turned to see a Hugh Mungus brand grandfather clock. It seemed about 15 minutes from striking midnight. I, I have to stop it somehow. I must defeat this crooked asteroid, no matter what it takes! Sadly, Alfred misjudged how far away the grandfather clock was away from him(It is Hugh Mungus brand after all) and as he ran, he slowed down and stopped this time. Had he done this

before? He thought about it, and he realized he was feeling deja vu way too many times for it to be a coincidence.

End Chapter: Day 1

Begin Chapter: Day 1

Ugh, asteroid again? I feel like I m hurtling through space at 20000 kilometers per hour. Why do I have to go through this? A mysterious voice replied, Yes, you are indeed on an asteroid. Surprise! The mysterious figure moved some really unenthusiastic jazz hands through the air. Alfred, scared for his life at this point, replied hastily, Umm, and who might you be? I feel like I have heard a voice like this before. Rightfully so, I m french. My name is Captain Jean-Luc Picard. My mission, escape this asteroid. I have been here forever, and the only thing I have learned is, don t fall off. I don t know how long I have been here however, for within the vicinity of this asteroid, time repeats at the same 24 hour interval, until the asteroid destroyed or the time loop broken, you will remain here forever with me. Come walk with me, quickly. The two walked and chatted about their horrible situation, and then when they were about 1500 meters away, a large chunk of the cluster of asteroids crashed into where they had been standing before, almost as if he new the exact moment at which this would occur. How many times exactly, have you been through this loop? Alfred asked. Well, the correct answer is 966 times, but every time I just lose more hope. The only thing that doesn t change on the asteroid is space around us, for it seems that only the time inside the relative space of the asteroid is repeated. Alfred started panicking. Wait, This is a time loop? I don t believe you. My friends will know that I m gone and come find me. You ll see. Oh Alfred, you are an imbecile. You will never escape. Look over there, the loop resets soon. Alfred turned to see a Hugh Mungus brand grandfather clock. It seemed about 15 minutes from striking midnight. I, I have to stop it somehow. I must defeat this crooked asteroid, no matter what it takes! Sadly, Alfred misjudged how far away the grandfather clock was away from him(It is Hugh Mungus brand after all) and as he ran, he slowed down and stopped this time. Had he done this

before? He thought about it, and he realized he was feeling deja vu way too many times for it to be a coincidence.

End Chapter: Day 1

Begin Chapter: Day 1

Ugh, asteroid again? I feel like I m hurtling through space at 20000 kilometers per hour. Why do I have to go through this? A mysterious voice replied, Yes, you are indeed on an asteroid. Surprise! The mysterious figure moved some really unenthusiastic jazz hands through the air. Alfred, scared for his life at this point, replied hastily, Umm, and who might you be? I feel like I have heard a voice like this before. Rightfully so, I m french. My name is Captain Jean-Luc Picard. My mission, escape this asteroid. I have been here forever, and the only thing I have learned is, don t fall off. I don t know how long I have been here however, for within the vicinity of this asteroid, time repeats at the same 24 hour interval, until the asteroid destroyed or the time loop broken, you will remain here forever with me. Come walk with me, quickly. The two walked and chatted about their horrible situation, and then when they were about 1500 meters away, a large chunk of the cluster of asteroids crashed into where they had been standing before, almost as if he new the exact moment at which this would occur. How many times exactly, have you been through this loop? Alfred asked. Well, the correct answer is 966 times, but every time I just lose more hope. The only thing that doesn t change on the asteroid is space around us, for it seems that only the time inside the relative space of the asteroid is repeated. Alfred started panicking. Wait, This is a time loop? I don t believe you. My friends will know that I m gone and come find me. You ll see. Oh Alfred, you are an imbecile. You will never escape. Look over there, the loop resets soon. Alfred turned to see a Hugh Mungus brand grandfather clock. It seemed about 15 minutes from striking midnight. I, I have to stop it somehow. I must defeat this crooked asteroid, but I don t know how. Sadly, Alfred misjudged how far away the grandfather clock was away from him(It is Hugh Mungus brand after all) and as he ran, he slowed down and stopped. Had he done this before? He

thought about it, and he realized he was feeling deja vu way too many times for it to be a coincidence.

End Chapter: Day 1

Begin Chapter: Day 1

Ugh, asteroid again? I feel like I m hurtling through space at 20000 kilometers per hour. Why do I have to go through this? A mysterious voice replied, Yes, you are indeed on an asteroid. Surprise! The mysterious figure moved some really unenthusiastic jazz hands through the air. Alfred, scared for his life at this point, replied hastily, Umm, and who might you be? I feel like I have heard a voice like this before. Rightfully so, I m french. My name is Captain Jean-Luc Picard. My mission, escape this asteroid. I have been here forever, and the only thing I have learned is, don t fall off. I don t know how long I have been here however, for within the vicinity of this asteroid, time repeats at the same 24 hour interval, until the asteroid destroyed or the time loop broken, you will remain here forever with me. Come walk with me, quickly. The two walked and chatted about their horrible situation, and then when they were about 1500 meters away, a large chunk of the cluster of asteroids crashed into where they had been standing before, almost as if he new the exact moment at which this would occur. How many times exactly, have you been through this loop? Alfred asked. Well, the correct answer is 967 times, but every time I just lose more hope. The only thing that doesn t change on the asteroid is space around us, for it seems that only the time inside the relative space of the asteroid is repeated. Alfred started panicking. Wait, This is a time loop? I don t believe you. My friends will know that I m gone and come find me. You ll see. Oh Alfred, you are an imbecile. You will never escape. Look over there, the loop resets soon. Alfred turned to see a Hugh Mungus brand grandfather clock. It seemed about 15 minutes from striking midnight. I, I have to stop it somehow. I must defeat this crooked asteroid, but I don t know how. Sadly, Alfred misjudged how far away the grandfather clock was away from him(It is Hugh Mungus brand after all) and as he ran, he slowed down and stopped. Had he done this before? He

thought about it, and he realized he was feeling deja vu way too many times for it to be a coincidence. Hnng, I I have to fight it.. I can t go on like this The time loop reset.

End Chapter: Day 1

Begin Chapter: Day 1

Ugh, asteroid again? I feel like I m hurtling through space at 20000 kilometers per hour. Why do I have to go through this? A mysterious voice replied, Yes, you are indeed on an asteroid. Surprise! The mysterious figure moved some really unenthusiastic jazz hands through the air. Alfred, scared for his life at this point, replied hastily, Umm, and who might you be? I feel like I have heard a voice like this before. Rightfully so, I m french. My name is Captain Jean-Luc Picard. My mission, escape this asteroid. I have been here forever, and the only thing I have learned is, don t fall off. I don t know how long I have been here however, for within the vicinity of this asteroid, time repeats at the same 24 hour interval, until the asteroid destroyed or the time loop broken, you will remain here forever with me. Come walk with me, quickly. The two walked and chatted about their horrible situation, and then when they were about 1500 meters away, a large chunk of the cluster of asteroids crashed into where they had been standing before, almost as if he new the exact moment at which this would occur. How many times exactly, have you been through this loop? Alfred asked. Well, the correct answer is 968 times, but every time I just lose more hope. The only thing that doesn t change on the asteroid is space around us, for it seems that only the time inside the relative space of the asteroid is repeated. Alfred started panicking. Wait, This is a time loop? I don t believe you. My friends will know that I m gone and come find me. You ll see. Oh Alfred, you are an imbecile. You will never escape. Look over there, the loop resets soon. Alfred turned to see a Hugh Mungus brand grandfather clock. It seemed about 15 minutes from striking midnight. I, I have to stop it somehow. I must defeat this crooked asteroid, but I don t know how. Sadly, Alfred misjudged how far away the grandfather clock was away from him(It is Hugh Mungus brand after all) and as he ran, he slowed down and stopped. Had he done this before? He

thought about it, and he realized he was feeling deja vu way too many times for it to be a coincidence. Hnng, I I have to fight it.. I can t go on like this The time loop reset.

End Chapter: Day 1

Begin Chapter: Day 1

Ugh, asteroid again? I feel like I m hurtling through space at 20000 kilometers per hour. Why do I have to go through this? A mysterious voice replied, Yes, you are indeed on an asteroid. Surprise! The mysterious figure moved some really unenthusiastic jazz hands through the air. Alfred, scared for his life at this point, replied hastily, Umm, and who might you be? I feel like I have heard a voice like this before. Rightfully so, I m french. My name is Captain Jean-Luc Picard. My mission, escape this asteroid. I have been here forever, and the only thing I have learned is, don t fall off. I don t know how long I have been here however, for within the vicinity of this asteroid, time repeats at the same 24 hour interval, until the asteroid destroyed or the time loop broken, you will remain here forever with me. Come walk with me, quickly. The two walked and chatted about their horrible situation, and then when they were about 1500 meters away, a large chunk of the cluster of asteroids crashed into where they had been standing before, almost as if he new the exact moment at which this would occur. How many times exactly, have you been through this loop? Alfred asked. Well, the correct answer is 969 times, but every time I just lose more hope. The only thing that doesn t change on the asteroid is space around us, for it seems that only the time inside the relative space of the asteroid is repeated. Alfred started panicking. Wait, This is a time loop? My friends will know that I m gone and come find me. You ll see. Oh Alfred, you are an imbecile. You will never escape. Look over there, the loop resets soon. No, I can t look, maybe if I don t look, I will be able to escape the time loop Alfred muttered crazily to himself. Hee hee, if it's a time loop, it doesn t matter what I do to you. Alfred steadily approached Jean-Luc Picard, picking up a conveniently sharp piece of asteroid. Alfred eyes turned a blood red, and his skin hard as rock(Moon monster kicking in strong). Jean-Luc embraced it, never turning away. Alfred

repeatedly stabbed Jean-Luc Picard, until his body was nothing but shreds. This pleased Alfred. He then turned to see a Hugh Mungus brand grandfather clock. He turned back away from the clock, and stabbed himself through the heart. The time loop reset.

End Chapter: Day 1

Begin Chapter: Day 1

Ugh, asteroid again? I feel like I m hurtling through space at 20000 kilometers per hour. Why do I have to go through this? A mysterious voice replied, Yes, you are indeed on an asteroid. Surprise! The mysterious figure moved some really unenthusiastic jazz hands through the air. Alfred, scared for his life at this point, replied hastily, Umm, and who might you be? I feel like I have heard a voice like this before. Rightfully so, I m french. My name is Captain Jean- , I know what your name is, SHUT UP My mission, escape this asteroid. I have been here forever, and the only thing I have learned is, don t fall off. I don t know how long I have been here however, for within the vicinity of this asteroid, time repeats at the same 24 hour interval, until the asteroid destroyed or the time loop broken, you will remain here forever with me. Come walk with me, quickly. The two walked and chatted about their horrible situation, and then when they were about 1500 meters away, a large chunk of the cluster of asteroids crashed into where they had been standing before, almost as if he new the exact moment at which this would occur. How many times exactly, have you been through this loop? I feel . I feel so much different than before. Alfred asked. Well, it doesn t matter anymore, but every time I just lose more hope. The only thing that doesn t change on the asteroid is space around us, for it seems that only the time inside the relative space of the asteroid is repeated. Alfred started panicking. Wait, This is a time loop? My friends will know that I m gone and come find me. You ll see. Oh Alfred, you are an imbecile. You will never escape. Look over there, the loop resets soon. No, I can t look, maybe if I don t look, I will be able to escape the time loop Alfred muttered crazily to himself. Hee hee, if it's a time loop, it doesn t matter what I do to you. Alfred steadily approached Jean-Luc Picard, picking up a conveniently sharp piece of asteroid. Alfred eyes turned a blood red, and his skin hard as

rock(Moon monster kicking in strong). Ahhaaahahaa..hee . It's time to die! Alfred was having spasms throughout his body, running at Jean-Luc faster than any human could possibly run. Jean-Luc embraced it, never turning away. Alfred repeatedly stabbed Jean-Luc Picard, until his body was nothing but shreds. This pleased Alfred. Yes, this will work. I understand now, o great one. I must complete the sacrifice to save myself. He then turned to see a Hugh Mungus brand grandfather clock. He turned back away from the clock, and stabbed himself through the heart. The time loop reset.

End Chapter: Day 1

Begin Chapter: Day 1

Ugh, asteroid again? I feel like I m hurtling through space at 20000 kilometers per hour. Why do I have to go through this? A mysterious voice replied, Yes, you are indeed on an asteroid. Surprise! The mysterious figure moved some really unenthusiastic jazz hands through the air. Alfred, scared for his life at this point, replied hastily, I feel like I have heard a voice like this before. Rightfully so, I m french. My name is Captain Jean- , I know what your name is, SHUT UP My mission, escape this asteroid. I have been here forever, and the only thing I have learned is, don t fall off. I don t know how long I have been here however, for within the vicinity of this asteroid, time repeats at the same 24 hour interval, until the asteroid destroyed or the time loop broken, you will remain here forever with me. Come walk with me, quickly. The two walked large chunk of the cluster of asteroids crashed into where they had been standing before, almost and chatted about their horrible situation, and then when they were about 1500 meters away, a as if he new the exact moment at which this would occur. How many. How .Many times... ? I feel . I feel so much different than before. Alfred asked. Well, it doesn t matter anymore, but every time I just lose more hope. The only thing that doesn t change on the asteroid is space around us, for it seems that only the time inside the relative space of the asteroid is repeated. Alfred started panicking. Wait, This is a time loop? My friends will know that I m gone and come find me. You ll see. Oh Alfred, you are an imbecile. You will never escape. Look over there, the loop resets soon. No, I can t look, maybe if I don t look, I will be able to escape the time loop Alfred muttered crazily to himself. Hee hee, if it's a time loop, it doesn t matter what I do to you. Alfred steadily approached Jean-Luc Picard, picking up a conveniently sharp piece of asteroid. Alfred eyes turned a blood red, and his skin hard as rock(Moon monster kicking in strong). Ahhaaahahaa..hee . It's

time to die! Alfred was having spasms throughout his body, running at Jean-Luc faster than any human could possibly run. Jean-Luc embraced it, never turning away. Alfred repeatedly stabbed Jean-Luc Picard, until his body was nothing but shreds. This pleased Alfred. Yes, this will work. I understand now, o great one. I must complete the sacrifice to save myself. He then turned to see a Hugh Mungus brand grandfather clock. He turned back away from the clock, and stabbed himself through the heart. Slower this time though, realizing he had done this before. The time loop reset.

End Chapter: Day 1

Begin Chapter: Day 1

No .. NO.. NOO Alfred slammed his fists onto the rocks, nearly shattering the bones inside. A mysterious voice replied, Yes, you are back again. Surprise! The mysterious figure moved some really unenthusiastic jazz hands through the air. Alfred, slowly going insane at this point, replied hastily, I feel like I have heard a voice like this before. Rightfully so, I m french. My name is Captain Jean- , I know what your name is, SHUT UP. Just. LEAVE. ME. ALONE My mission, escape this asteroid. I have been here forever, and the only thing I have learned is, don t fall off. I don t know how long I have been here however, for within the vicinity of this asteroid, time repeats at the same 24 hour interval, until the asteroid destroyed or the time loop broken, you will remain here forever with me. Come walk with me, quickly. The two walked, and then when they were about 1500 meters away, a large chunk of the cluster of asteroids crashed into where they had been standing before, almost as if he new the exact moment at which this would occur. How many. How .Many times... ? I feel . I feel Something snapped so much different, but better. Alfred asked. Well, it doesn t matter anymore, but every time I just lose more hope. The only thing that doesn t change on the asteroid is space around us, for it seems that only the time inside the relative space of the asteroid is repeated. Alfred started panicking. Jersh ..Lianne .Why.. Why hast you forsaken me.. I dont I dont understand How is this possible.. Oh Alfred, you are an imbecile. You will never escape. Look, over there, the loop resets soon. No, I can t look, maybe if I don t look, I will be able to escape the time loop Alfred muttered crazily to himself. YOU. You are the cause. Its yooooou. Hee hee, if it's a time loop, it doesn t matter what I do to you. Alfred steadily approached Jean-Luc Picard, picking up a conveniently sharp piece of asteroid. Alfred eyes turned a blood red, and his skin hard as rock(Moon monster kicking in

strong). Ahhaaahahaa..hee . It's killing tiiiime! For so long I have been here, and I have to escape. Alfred was having spasms throughout his body, running at Jean-Luc faster than any human could possibly run. Jean-Luc embraced it, never turning away. Alfred repeatedly stabbed Jean-Luc Picard, until his body was nothing but shreds. This pleased Alfred. Yes, this will work. I understand now, o great one. I must complete the sacrifice to save myself. He then turned to see a Hugh Mungus brand grandfather clock. He turned back away from the clock, and stabbed himself through the heart. Slowly this time though, realizing he had done this before. He watched the blood ooze out of his chest and he laughed. haha .AHAHAAAAAAA The time loop reset.

End Chapter: Day 1

Begin Chapter: Day 1

No .. NO.. NOO Alfred slammed his fists onto the rocks, nearly shattering the bones inside. A mysterious voice replied, Yes, you are back again. Surprise! The mysterious figure moved some really unenthusiastic jazz hands through the air. Alfred, slowly going insane at this point, replied hastily, I feel like I have heard a voice like this before. Rightfully so, I m french. My name is Captain Jean- , I know what your name is, SHUT UP. Just. LEAVE. ME. ALONE My mission, escape this asteroid. I have been here forever, and the only thing I have learned is, don t fall off. I don t know how long I have been here however, for within the vicinity of this asteroid, time repeats at the same 24 hour interval, until the asteroid destroyed or the time loop broken, you will remain here forever with me. Come walk with me, quickly. No. I will not follow you. It must be you trapping me here. But, I must follow regardless. The chunk of the asteroid will hit me if I do not move. Then the great one will not get his wish. The two walked, and then when they were about 1500 meters away, a large chunk of the cluster of asteroids crashed into where they had been standing before, almost as if he new the exact moment at which this would occur. How many. How .Many times... ? I feel . I feel Something snapped so much different, but better. Alfred asked. Well, it doesn t matter anymore, but every time I just lose more hope. The only thing that doesn t change on the asteroid is space around us, for it seems that only the time inside the relative space of the asteroid is repeated. Alfred started panicking. Jersh ..Lianne .Why.. Why hath you forsaken me.. I dont I dont understand How is this possible.. Oh Alfred, you are an imbecile. You will never escape. Look, over there, the loop resets soon. No, I can t look, maybe if I don t look, I will be able to escape the time loop Alfred muttered crazily to himself. YOU. You are the cause. Its yooooou. Hee hee, if it's a time loop, it doesn t matter

what I do to you. Alfred steadily approached Jean-Luc Picard, picking up a conveniently sharp piece of asteroid. Alfred eyes turned a blood red, and his skin hard as rock(Moon monster kicking in strong). Ahhaaahahaa..hee . It's killing tiiiime! For so long I have been here, and I have to escape. Alfred was having spasms throughout his body, running at Jean-  
Luc faster than any human could possibly run. Jean-Luc embraced it, never turning away. Alfred repeatedly stabbed Jean-Luc Picard, until his body was nothing but shreds. Hee hee. Isn t this FUuuuuun! This pleased Alfred. Yes, this will work. I understand now, o great one. I must complete the sacrifice to save myself. He then turned to see a Hugh Mungus brand grandfather clock. He turned back away from the clock, and stabbed himself through the heart. Slowly this time though, realizing he had done this before. He watched the blood ooze out of his chest and he laughed. haha .AHAHAAAAAAA The time loop reset.

End Chapter: Day 1

Begin Chapter: Day 1

No .. NO.. NOO Alfred slammed his fists onto the rocks, nearly shattering the bones inside. A mysterious voice replied, Yes, you are back again. Surprise! The mysterious figure moved some really unenthusiastic jazz hands through the air. Alfred, slowly going insane at this point, replied hastily, I feel like I have heard a voice like this before. Rightfully so, I m french. My name is Captain Jean- , I know what your name is, SHUT UP. Just. LEAVE. ME. ALONE My mission, escape this asteroid. I have been here forever, and the only thing I have learned is, don t fall off. I don t know how long I have been here however, for within the vicinity of this asteroid, time repeats at the same 24 hour interval, until the asteroid destroyed or the time loop broken, you will remain here forever with me. Come walk with me, quickly. No. I will not follow you. It must be you trapping me here. But, I must follow regardless. The chunk of the asteroid will hit me if I do not move. Then the great one will not get his wish. The two walked, and then when they were about 1500 meters away, a large chunk of the cluster of asteroids crashed into where they had been standing before, almost as if he new the exact moment at which this would occur. How many. How .Many times... ? I feel . I feel Something snapped so much different, but better. Alfred asked. Well, it doesn t matter anymore, but every time I just lose more hope. The only thing that doesn t change on the asteroid is space around us, for it seems that only the time inside the relative space of the asteroid is repeated. Alfred started panicking. Jersh ..Lianne .Why.. Why hath you forsaken me.. I dont I dont understand How is this possible.. Oh Alfred, you are an imbecile. You will never escape. Look, over there, the loop resets soon. No, I can t look, maybe if I don t look, I will be able to escape the time loop Alfred muttered crazily to himself. YOU. You are the cause. Its yooooou. Hee hee, if it's a time loop, it doesn t matter

what I do to you. Alfred steadily approached Jean-Luc Picard, picking up a conveniently sharp piece of asteroid. Alfred eyes turned a blood red, and his skin hard as rock(Moon monster kicking in strong). Ahhaaahahaa..hee . It's killing tiiiime! For so long I have been here, and I have to escape. Alfred was having spasms throughout his body, running at Jean-  
Luc faster than any human could possibly run. Jean-Luc embraced it, never turning away. Alfred repeatedly stabbed Jean-Luc Picard, until his body was nothing but shreds. Hee hee. Isn t this FUuuuuun! This pleased Alfred. Yes, this will work. I understand now, o great one. I must complete the sacrifice to save myself. He then turned to see a Hugh Mungus brand grandfather clock. He turned back away from the clock, drew a pentagram in the ground, pledged himself to satan, and stabbed himself through the heart. Slowly this time though, realizing he had done this before. He watched the blood ooze out of his chest and he laughed. haha .AHAHAAAAAAA. If I never escape, This will be enough to entertain meee The time loop reset.

End Chapter: Day 1

Begin Chapter: Day 1

No .. NO.. NOO Alfred slammed his fists onto the rocks, nearly shattering the bones inside. A mysterious voice replied, Yes, you are back again. Surprise! The mysterious figure moved some really unenthusiastic jazz hands through the air. Alfred, slowly going insane at this point, replied hastily, I feel like I have heard a voice like this before. Rightfully so, I m french. My name is Captain Jean- , I know what your name is, SHUT UP. Just. LEAVE. ME. ALONE My mission, escape this asteroid. I have been here forever, and the only thing I have learned is, don t fall off. I don t know how long I have been here however, for within the vicinity of this asteroid, time repeats at the same 24 hour interval, until the asteroid destroyed or the time loop broken, you will remain here forever with me. Come walk with me, quickly. No. I will not follow you. It must be you trapping me here. But, I must follow regardless. The chunk of the asteroid will hit me if I do not move. Then the great one will not get his wish. The two walked, and then when they were about 1500 meters away, a large chunk of the cluster of asteroids crashed into where they had been standing before, almost as if he new the exact moment at which this would occur. How many. How .Many times... ? I feel . I feel Something snapped so much different, but better. Alfred asked. Well, it doesn t matter anymore, but every time I just lose more hope. The only thing that doesn t change on the asteroid is space around us, for it seems that only the time inside the relative space of the asteroid is repeated. Alfred started panicking. Jersh ..Lianne .Why.. Why hath you forsaken me.. I dont I dont understand How is this possible.. Oh Alfred, you are an imbecile. You will never escape. Look, over there, the loop resets soon. No, I can t look, maybe if I don t look, I will be able to escape the time loop Alfred muttered crazily to himself. YOU. You are the cause. Its yooooou. Hee hee, if it's a time loop, it doesn t matter

what I do to you. Alfred steadily approached Jean-Luc Picard, picking up a conveniently sharp piece of asteroid. Alfred eyes turned a blood red, and his skin hard as rock(Moon monster kicking in strong). Ahhaaahahaa..hee . It's killing tiiiime! For so long I have been here, and I have to escape. Alfred was having spasms throughout his body, running at Jean-  
Luc faster than any human could possibly run. Jean-Luc embraced it, never turning away. Alfred repeatedly stabbed Jean-Luc Picard, until his body was nothing but shreds. Hee hee. Isn t this FUuuuuun! This pleased Alfred. Yes, this will work. I understand now, o great one. I must complete the sacrifice to save myself. He then turned to see a Hugh Mungus brand grandfather clock. He turned back away from the clock, drew a pentagram in the ground, pledged himself to satan, and stabbed himself through the heart. Slowly this time though, realizing he had done this before. He watched the blood ooze out of his chest and he laughed. haha .AHAHAAAAAAA. If I never escape, This will be enough to entertain meee The time loop reset.

End Chapter: Day 1

Begin Chapter: Day 1

No .. NO.. NOO Alfred slammed his fists onto the rocks, nearly shattering the bones inside. A mysterious voice replied, Yes, you are back again. Surprise! The mysterious figure moved some really unenthusiastic jazz hands through the air. Alfred, slowly going insane at this point, replied hastily, I feel like I have heard a voice like this before. Rightfully so, I m french. My name is Captain Jean- , I know what your name is, SHUT UP. Just. LEAVE. ME. ALONE My mission, escape this asteroid. I have been here forever, and the only thing I have learned is, don t fall off. I don t know how long I have been here however, for within the vicinity of this asteroid, time repeats at the same 24 hour interval, until the asteroid destroyed or the time loop broken, you will remain here forever with me. Come walk with me, quickly. No. I will not follow you. It must be you trapping me here. But, I must follow regardless. The chunk of the asteroid will hit me if I do not move. Then the great one will not get his wish. The two walked, and then when they were about 1500 meters away, a large chunk of the cluster of asteroids crashed into where they had been standing before, almost as if he new the exact moment at which this would occur. How many. How .Many times... ? I feel . I feel Something snapped so much different, but better. Alfred asked. Well, it doesn t matter anymore, but every time I just lose more hope. The only thing that doesn t change on the asteroid is space around us, for it seems that only the time inside the relative space of the asteroid is repeated. Alfred started panicking. Jersh ..Lianne .Why.. Why hath you forsaken me.. I dont I dont understand How is this possible.. Oh Alfred, you are an imbecile. You will never escape. Look, over there, the loop resets soon. No, I can t look, maybe if I don t look, I will be able to escape the time loop Alfred muttered crazily to himself. YOU. You are the cause. Its yooooou. Hee hee, if it's a time loop, it doesn t matter

what I do to you. Alfred steadily approached Jean-Luc Picard, picking up a conveniently sharp piece of asteroid. Alfred eyes turned a blood red, and his skin hard as rock(Moon monster kicking in strong). Ahhaaahahaa..hee . It's killing tiiiime! For so long I have been here, and I have to escape. Alfred was having spasms throughout his body, running at Jean-  
Luc faster than any human could possibly run. Jean-Luc embraced it, never turning away. Alfred repeatedly stabbed Jean-Luc Picard, until his body was nothing but shreds.

Alfred Goes Hee hee. Isn t this FUuuuuun! This pleased Alfred. Yes, this will work. I understand now, o great one. I must complete the sacrifice to save myself. He then turned to see a Hugh Mungus brand grandfather clock. He turned back away from the clock, drew a pentagram in the ground, pledged himself to satan, and stabbed himself through the heart. Slowly this time though, realizing he had done this before. He watched the blood ooze out of his chest and he laughed. haha .AHAHAAAAAAA. If I never escape, This will be enough to entertain meee The time loop reset. Again.

End Chapter: Day 1

Begin Chapter: No escape

Why . I don't...I have to escape. I must find a way At this point, Alfred s senses have all gone, his hearing turned to mush, only capable of hearing the very sounds of hell itself. Yee (those are the sounds of hell, according to our panel of scientists) Alfred crazily wandered toward the clock, trying to keep a clear head. He found something on the ground that worried him. A small device labeled Why would you touch this It had a red button on it, and when Alfred repeatedly pushed this, it seemed to do nothing, but it created black holes throughout the universe. I.. dont understand why. O great one why would u trap me here. Jean .. Luc . must hold the answer. Yes . Yes . I will make him answer me .. Mwah-  
ha-hah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-a-ha-h-ah-a-ha-h-ah-a-ha-ha-ha-h-ah-ah-a-ha-h-ah-a-ha

All he heard was a resounding yee .The time loop reset. Again.

This time Alfred woke up with steely determination to destroy the clock tower because the others were tired of writing this part. He climbed up to the top, and used Picard s head to bash the clock face in. Immediately time froze, and Jersh saw in the distance the pillars of physics, forever holding up logic and rationality. He grabbed those pillars, and as time unfroze, broke out of the time loop forever.

End Chapter: How to break out of a time loop in less than 50 pages

End Act I: Stuff Happens

Intermission: Old Ideas for Alfred and Jersh that were discarded (for good reasons)

Figure 1: Jersh the Knight

Jersh the knight

Chapter One:

The hero of this story is a normal knight, Sir Jersh. Well, kind of normal. All he does is walk straight ahead and attack things with his sword. He is also a zombie (braaaaaains). And he is trapped in a video game. He lives without a brain, but that suits him just fine. But, Jersh was forced onto a quest that suited his zombieness. He had to find some brains.

One day, Jersh was walking in the woods (He didn t know it was a forest. He couldn t understand anything) when an object stopped his sword. Jersh hacked at it again. And Again. And Again.

jersh v Figure 2: Jersh v. Brain Stem

Congratulations!

The Brainstem Has Been Killed

+500 XP

Level up!

New Skill: Un-Zombiefication

Jersh is no longer a zombie

New Item: Ardent Pons

Passive: Power Off: You can sleep

Passive: Make Like a Tree and Leave: Jersh breathe now (No need to act like a tree)

New Item: Proto-black hole Orange Reticular Formation

Passive: Cogito Ergo Sum: Jersh thinks, therefore, Jersh exists

New Item: Mercurial Medulla

Passive: Overseer: All stuff need to keep Jersh alive is automatically done. Go hack some more stuff

New Skill: Robotic Cerebellum

+2 Control Muscle Movement

+1 Balance

Jersh didn t want to be un-zombiefied. However, that didn t stop him from his task over moving forward and hitting things with a sword. After exactly 2,167,568,773,092 steps, Jersh came across a new shape, but didn t recognize it. As was his custom, he hit it with a sword.

3 days Later

With one final mighty stroke, Jersh killed a monster, or whatever.

Jersh v Figure 3: Jersh v. Thalamus

Congratulations!

The Thalamus Has Been Killed!

+200 XP

New Item: Mundane Thalamus

Passive: 4th Sense: You can see, hear, taste, and feel

+10 Sensing

+3 Balance

Chapter 2

Jersh, with his newfound walking ability, walked along the seashore for a while. He enjoyed the peaceful sunsets for days at a time. However, little did he know he was walking into a trap.

One stormy evening, Jersh walked into a cave to sit down and eat some food. Suddenly, he became very afraid as the limbic system came into view. Jersh started swinging his mighty sword, but the limbic system started dodging his attacks. Jersh became very angry, and swung his sword faster. In response, the limbic system fired purple mood bullets on Jersh, making him depressed and sad! After an intense emotional battle, Jersh began to win after he cut off the amygdala. For 42 days and 43 nights, Jersh fought the limbic system before achieving victory.

jersh v limbic Figure 4: Jersh v. Limbic System

Congratulations!

The Limbic System Has Been Killed

+1000 XP

LVL UP!

New Skill: Emotionable

Jersh can have emotions

New Skill: Whirlwind Hippocampus

Passive: Cramming: Jersh can remember things now

+10 Memory

New Item: Unsteady Amygdala

Passive: More than Padme Amidala: Jersh has emotions like fear and anxiety

+15 Emotion

Active: Run Away: Jersh has survival instincts

+5 Emotion

New Item: Nifty Hypothalamus

Passive: Overseer LVL 2: Jersh is automatically kept alive

New Item: Pessimistic Pituitary Gland

Passive: Overlord: Jersh has control over the endocrine system

New Skill: Classy Corpus Callosum

Passive: 2 Brains Bad, 1 Brain Good: Jersh has his brain halves joined together

Chapter 3

After having its stem and limbic system destroyed by Jersh, the brain hopped into a rocket and flew into the sun. Jersh, obsessed with brains, built his own rocket and flew into the sun in pursuit of the brain. Both of them survived heat of the sun because they remembered to wear sunscreen. Jersh then came face to brain with the brain.

He swung at the front of the brain, and struck an easy target: the cerebral cortex. With three more mighty swings of his sword, the cerebral cortex was destroyed. Jersh let out a victory screech so loud that both of the rockets and his sword blew up from the pressure of the sound waves. While he was letting out his epic screech, the brain got away. Without a rocket, though, Jersh had nowhere to go and nothing to do but hunt down that brain.

Jersh v. Cerebral Figure 5: Jersh v. Cerebral Cortex

Congratulations!

The Cerebral Cortex has been killed

+2500 XP

Level up!

New Skill: Philosopher Man

Jersh is capable of higher thinking

New Skill: Foolish Frontal Lobe

Passive: The Last Passive with a name: Jersh now has a personality and can make rational decisions

Passive: Jersh can make plans in advance, but they are terrible plans

+10 impulse control

New Skill: Festive Occipital Lobe

Active: Focused: For thirty seconds, Jersh can properly interpret what he sees. Cooldown of 4 hours.

+99 Sniping Ability

New Item: Troubled Parietal Lobe

Passive: Jersh can now solve indefinite integrals

+20 Spatial Awareness

New Skill: Magical Temporal Lobe

Passive: Jersh can remember what he saw ten minutes ago

Passive: Jersh now knows English

+5 Emotion

New Skill: Premium Sensory Cortex

Passive: Jersh can now feel pain

+30 Taste

+20 Smell

New Skill: Energetic Motor Cortex

Active: Jersh can now move his limbs at will, as opposed to having all his movements controlled by his unconscious desire for brains

+50 Running

Chapter 4

Jersh, no longer motivated by primal instincts, plans revenge on the brain for ruining his simple life as a zombie. With his newfound higher thinking skills, Jersh was able to figure out how to forge a bow and some arrows from the elements in the sun. He developed an elaborate plan to cripple the brain. He would sabotage its communication abilities with tactical strikes on the Broca s Area and Wernicke s Area, disallowing the brain from forming and understanding speech.

He spent four long days learning how to shoot a bow and arrow, but it was possible with his ability for voluntary movement that he gained from the motor cortex. He found the brain, but couldn t figure out what angle the bow and arrow needed to be at to hit the Broca s Area and Wernicke s Area precisely. Suddenly, a sun troll appeared and told him that he would give him the exact angle if he could solve an indefinite integral. The troll demanded to know the indefinite integral of 1/x. Jersh answered ln(x) + C. The troll laughed at Jersh for being such a fool, said the answer was ln|x| + C, and left Jersh to fend for himself. Jersh, however, figured out the angles on his own with his spatial awareness upgrades. The Broca s Area and Wernicke s Area were flooded with arrows, and promptly died.

Congratulations!

The Association Areas have been killed

+750 XP

New Item: Superb Broca s Area

Helps with speech formation. When combined with Wernicke s Area, the Fluent skill is unlocked.

New Item: Robust Wernicke s Area

Helps with speech comprehension. When combined with Broca s Area, the Fluent skill is unlocked.

New Skill: Fluent

Passive: able to speak and understand English at a high level

+25 Speaking

+25 Comprehension

Figure 6: Jersh v. Association Areas

Chapter 5

A huge explosion rocked the sun, and Jersh was thrown back toward earth, which was convenient because his sunscreen was wearing off. Yet his adversary, unaffected by the explosion and wearing a much higher spf sunscreen, remained in the sun. Jersh, back on Earth, believed that he had vanquished his enemy. Little did he know, the intense conditions in the sun had caused a genetic mutation in the brain that allowed it to grow an endocrine system just before the association areas were destroyed. The endocrine system was the only living thing on the sun.

Jersh, about to go tend to his affairs on Earth, decided to make sure his enemy was gone. To his surprise, when he looked his telescope, he saw an endocrine system near the surface of the sun. Jersh found a sniper rifle and focused it on the sun. He then proceeded to activate his Occipital Lobe ability and use his 99 sniping to take out the endocrine system. Just as he thought he had completely destroyed his nemesis, he saw two lone feet hobble off into the center of the sun. Jersh had failed the mission, but would get them next time.

Jersh v Figure 7: Jersh v. Assortment of Glands

New Item: Endocrine System

Bodily functions can now be regulated

New Skill: Promising Pituitary Gland

Active: Able to grow to ten feet tall for five minutes. Cooldown is three days.

Passive: Food can now be metabolized

New Skill: Innate Thyroid Gland

Passive: Food can now be metabolized even better

New Skill: Enthusiastic Adrenal Gland

Passive: 50% increase to reaction time

+15 Awareness

New Skill: Pointless Pineal Gland

Passive: Jersh can now sleep, even though he has proclaimed I don t get tired in the past

New Skill: Prolific Pancreas

Passive: Jersh no longer has diabetes

+5 Digestion

New Skill: Abstract Sex Glands

Passive: Jersh gains the ability to reproduce

+10 Testosterone

Praise for Jersh the Knight:

The illustrations weren t as bad as i thought they were going to be - Jonathan Harvey, Co-Author

Utterly Distasteful - Kirkus Starred Review

This makes no sense - book publishers weekly

Why is Jersh a Stick Figure in the sun? - James Hoover, age 10

Exquisite Artwork - Nelson Art Gallery

Horrible Sequel to Jersh the Undersea Robot of Doom, it failed to use the exact same plot, which is what all good sequels do - Rick Riordan

I ve been reading books for 21 years, but no one knew what was coming at the end of that book - Rick Harrison

There need to be more explosions - Olivia Garfield, Age 9

Once Upon a Time the authors need to be shot - Council to Preserve the Exquisite Tardigrade

I quite liked the zombie Jersh, but then you ruined the whole book by turning him into a normal person. Zombies represent the untold needs of people, as exemplified in... - Society against the destruction of Zombies in American Literature

0/10 not a single communist was violently murdered - Aj Gambill

This book is destined to become a classic - El Rey Felipe II

Act Two: Alfred and Jersh II: Where did all the stars go?

Begin Chapter: In case you forgot what s happening

By this time, the Space Cats had left, and only one seventeenth of the universe s original stars remained.

Our Heroes currently possess four legendary meme parts; Harambe s Dicks Out stone, the . scale model of Rick Harrison s Pawn Shop, Donald Trump s Golden Locks, and now Ken Bone s Mustache. Our heroes, however were not in the same place or time. So they have all the problems.

Planet 42 FRTYTO 42 and planet Bone Zone are still intact, and their inhabitants are still milkshake-loving abominations of nature and unspecified respectively. I forget whether or not anywhere else remains in existence; it s not like I ve READ this piece of crap.

Jersh and Lianne were back in their spaceship, newly rechristened CFP This is not a Nuke. Depressed over the apparent loss of Alfred, they began to journey out into the galaxy. (The next chapter tells what happened)

(this, I believe, is the plot).

End Chapter: In case you forgot what s happening

Begin Chapter 1 V. 0.58

Lianne was distraught over the disappearance and apparent death of Senor Alfred. Jersh comforted her by saying, The only things we have to fear is a space nuke itself . Lianne remained troubled, but after 4 days, she decided they best move on. Alfred really never did anything, so we can just leave him , she said. Jersh was sleeping, so he didn t object. Lianne took their new spaceship, fresh from the battle that destroyed Lianne s army, to get it registered with the government. It was registered as CFP This is not a Nuke (The CFP stands for Cat Food in Potentiate, but our heroes didn t know that now), and also made yellow because that s easier for the government to see. Jersh was still sleeping. While in the governmental bureau for registering things, she eavesdropped some classy info that the space cats were building a giant space nuke. ...This space nuke is like a nuke, but in space ...It has the power of .001 suns . ...If the space cats have it, there is no way we can stop them ...Would you like paper or plastic?...

Jersh woke up, rolled over, and fell back asleep.

Lianne was deeply worried over the presence of a space nuke, so she called in strategical, tactical, and bistro menu advisor Senior Allin.

MENOS PUNTOS! Senor Allin dijo.

Thanks for the help, now you can go in the airlock

MENOS PUNTOS! Senor Allin dijo.

Have a nice day

For all the time Lianne was heading across the galaxy, she never forgot what Alfred said about living on Mars, except for today. She remembered something about meatloaf, but couldn t be sure. This feeling soon passed, and with Jersh still asleep, she left the planet, and the galaxy, and the universe, and saw the hand of God.

Universal perspective machines are so annoying

As are weird tab indentation spaces.

And constantly changing font sizes and colors.

Lianne reemerged with a new sense of purpose, only to be found by one angry Senor Allin.

MENOS PUNTOS! Senor Allin dijo.

Lianne threw both of them back in the airlock.

Computer, where is the space nuke, Lianne asked.

This ship has a computer on it, right?

Who dares disturb the sleep of Alfredo VII, successor to the Throne of Spain?

It is I, Lianne, King of the Britons

Liar

Suddenly all the ships systems started shutting down, and all the doors were opened except the one that was in the room they were in and one other that wasn t the airlock.

MENOS PUNTOS! Senor Allin dijo.

Get back in the airlock Lianne dijo.

Turn things back on Lianne demanded.

You, shall not, passsssssssssssssssssssssssssssss!

All the systems turned off, and the computer went to sleep.

3 days passed, and the ship kept going until they saw through the window a giant radioactivity symbol. Lianne cut the engines, and sent out Jersh through the now opened doors, who were slurping a milkshake, to investigate. Unwittingly, our intrepid heroes just happened across the space nuke to save the time. Lianne grabbed it for herself and hid it in the ship, turned around, and left without remembering Jersh was stranded in the midst of the enemy for all eternity.

Precious .. My Precious .Precious wants us to blow up 42 FRTYTO 42

Lianne set course for 42 FRTYTO 42.

Lianne Abandons

End Chapter 1 V. 0.58

Chapter 1 V. 0.59 : The defense of 42 FRTYTO 42

There have been many great space battles in the history of the world. This is not one of them. This is the story of Jersh saving Lianne from Character Development.

Jersh was stranded in the middle of space, but that didn t faze him. Nothing has fazed him since the destruction of his planet, Mars, all those long months ago. He pulled out his phone and called for a taxi, which picked him up and brought him to Planet 42 FRTYTO 42. He saw through his binoculars that Lianne was coming to the planet with something that looked like a space nuke, but since the ship was CFP This is not a Nuke, his fears were instantly allayed.

The ship kept coming closer, and suddenly all the metal on Planet 42 FRTYTO 42 was turned into the perfect acoustic soundboard.

Please surrender your planet immediately or you shall be fried

No

OK then

Lianne launched the Space Nuke at 42 FRTYTO 42, or so she thought. MENOS PUNTOS! Senor Allin dijo.

Lianne was hyped for the destruction of 42 FRTYTO 42, until she saw that nothing happened.

MENOS PUNTOS! Senor Allin dijo.

Liane Fails to Blow up

Lianne flew into a rage at Senor Allin.

Senor Allin gave her a milkshake.

Lianne fell asleep.

Jersh took the space nuke from where it had not been fired and hid it somewhere safe, somewhere Lianne would never find it, but he remembered the location for all of time.

Jersh then took control of the CFP This is not a Nuke and flew it back to where he saw Alfred disappear.

Lianne slept.

Jersh found Alfred floating in space foaming at the mouth, picked him up, then put him through an unspecified amount of mental rehabilitation to return his character (temporarily) to the status quo.

End Chapter 1 V. 0.59 : The defense of 42 FRTYTO 42

Begin Chapter 2 V 6.7 : Time for a Boss Fight

(We need to keep the action up. The 4-5 people still reading this must be getting bored)

The characters, together again (plus Senor Allin and that Robot Dog) were traveling to the next planet, where they believed the final meme parts probably were. This planet, however, was not actually a planet, but instead a series of small planets, planetoids, moons, asteroids, space stations, and a Starbucks, all enclosed in a large bubble the size of a small sun (which is still really big). The bubble was ruled by the legendary and much-feared Priests of Character Development. They were said to be able to force emotion and depth into even the most shallow and one-dimensional character. They were also in league with the Space Cats because the cats wanted to become better bad guys, and knew that villains are better when the hero actually cares.

Sphere of

Anyway, the power of the Priests was felt by our heros as soon as they approached the bubble (which I have now decided is to be called the Sphere of Seriousness), as they began to contemplate their past actions and feel the pain of their losses.

Alfred broke down in tears as he remembered that his parents and entire home planet were gone. He lamented the fact that everyone around him was almost certainly more intelligent than him, even Jersh. This wellspring of emotion also threatened his only recently (and VERY briefly) reestablished sanity, and he began to fear what he might do to those around him, especially Jersh, who had been with him since the beginning and was undoubtedly his very best friend (which is sad, since Jersh is a horrible friend and has abandoned Alfred on multiple occasions).

Lianne, still asleep from Senor Allin s milkshake, had horrible dream/flashbacks of every time she had died, of the horrible battles she had fought, of being turned into a green slime-blob monster, and of the long, cold, lonely nights spent alone in her bunker on planet MK-Zuckerberg MK I. During this dream-coma of characterization, she defeated the internal demon (actually a literal one, not a personality flaw or anything) that had been holding her to her destructive pact with the space cats and that had made her want to nuke 42FRTYTO42 (at least for now). She used the one love she had in life; computers, as motivation to break this curse (because characters need motivations).

Jersh was finally suspecting that he might be a sociopath (not a psychopath; DO YOUR RESEARCH!). He displayed almost no empathy and killed without reasoning (which the other two did as well, but Alfred is a complete moron and Lianne was evil for some of the time). He kept Alfred around mostly as a wall of meat that for whatever reason isn t dead yet, and to make him look smarter to mask his deep intellectual insecurities. He clung to his hat, his one small comfort in his seemingly endless journey and the one thing that made him more than a pink stick figure.

Oh, and Senor Allin was there too

The trio knew that they had to stop the Priests of Character Development from developing them further, so they grabbed as many weapons as they could carry and prepared to storm the Priests castle, which was on the surface of the Sphere of Seriousness.

Before they disembarked, Jersh gave Lianne a final warning; Don t use the space nuke, a little birdie told me that it will be useful later

(dammit! That little bird stole our script! kill it already! *Shoots bird*

Bird: rip rip rip ).

And the battle commenced

End Chapter 2 V 6.7 : Time for a Boss Fight

Begin Chapter 3 VI 7.8: I got you, didn t I... but this one actually is a fight scene

They landed in the Priestly Parking Lot, scratching several holy paint jobs and destroying one windshield of God. They then ran out, loaded with WAY too many weapons (except for Alfred, who went in with just a baseball bat with nails in it because he thought that that would be cool), and charged at the door. The priests, who were all trained in martial arts and wielded crossbows, halberds, and Holy Hand Grenades, came out to defend their cult of personality (get it? That s what it all never mind). Lianne killed half of them with her Lava Bomb Bazooka, Jersh killed half with his Lazzer Minigun Mark II, and Alfred clubbed one guy to death with his bat (yet still claimed to have had the most kills).

Fight with the Reinforcements were going to come in, but then the artist who draws those amazing pictures because he s got nothing better to do with his life sent us an email saying that if we made him draw all of this, he would come to our houses and kill us, so they didn t.

After the Battle of the Priestly Parking Lot, they entered the Antechamber of the Priestly Castle of Priests. After being ambushed by 3 vampires and a magician, Alfred clubbed them all

to death. However, it is not enough to simply club a vampire to kill it. Alfred thought he had vanquished the enemy in a grisly battle, but Enemy Vampires: +2 Health +4 Defense - .3 Attack.

Jersh and Lianne wandered through the castle, and started to notice a pattern in the decor; there were lots and lots of statues. Some statues had people s heads on them in stone, others a person s head, recently killed. Entering a long hallway, there were a series of statues that showed a person being crushed beneath 2 columns. As they started to walk up strangely circular steps, they noticed the ceiling was getting lower at the same time. This had no effect on them, as they knew the authors would never kill them off .

But they were wrong.

Alfred started wandering the Priestly Castle of Priests, but in the other direction. Little did he know, he was being chased by 1 wizard, 3 vampires, and a reincarnated Patroclus Frediano Siskind the Obsequious. Alfred wandered throughout the caste: Up staircases, down staircases, through doors, between rooms, never once thinking to ask why there were paintings of velociraptors on the wall, or failing to realize the thundering footsteps of his pursuers. Right up until he found The Room of The Holy Hand Grenade.

As one might expect, The Room of The Holy Hand Grenade contained many hand grenades (all holy). These were not early hand grenades. The moment Alfred entered the room, all the pins were disengaged

Jersh and Lianne were walking through the columns, when suddenly the ceiling crashed down behind them with a loud clang . When Jersh looked forward again, Jersh realized the end of the hallway was a matte painting, and that there was no exit.

Another section of ceiling fell behind them.

And another

And so on and so forth until there was 2 sections of ceiling left. Jersh thought I always wanted to die by falling ceilings .

Lianne was less enthusiastic about dying, as her past and personality were forced to again catch up to her via the power of the Priests of Character Development, she got instantly triggered by the flashbacks, and as the final ceiling started to fall, she started running, dragging Jersh behind her

Alfred was 3 seconds from becoming exploded.

Alfred was 2 seconds from becoming exploded.

Alfred was 1 seconds from becoming exploded.

Alfred was 0 seconds from becoming exploded.

Alfred was exploded.

Lianne ran through the matte painting at the exact same time.

Both groups of people vanished in a fade to white.

End Chapter 3 VI 7.8: I got you, didn t I... but this one actually is a fight scene

Begin Chapter 41.99: Things are Explained

Alfred and Jersh and Lianne and the Wizard appeared in room painted entirely in white, with no shadows created by the light sources.

Hellooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo in there said a disembodied voice.

In response, Alfred said, Please die and hefted his, now truncated, club (explosions hurt things).

All this is just a misunderstanding , said the High Priest of the Priestly Castle of the Priests of Character Development (HPPCPCD).

No it isn t , said another seemingly disembodied voice, except when Jersh realized it had come from a painting of a velociraptor behind the HPPCPCD.

Whoa, a talking velociraptor , said the wizard, in a tone of utter surprise

I am not a velociraptor, I am Al, the philosoraptor , said Al.

Let s take his painting and leave , said Jersh, I do hate character development .

In one swift motion, Alfred lifted his club and charged the HPPCPCD, while Jersh lunged for the painting, while the wizard started mumbling something important, while Al started summoning the velociraptors of the castle, while the Space Cats drew within 10 minutes of whatever planet they were on for annihilation (adds dramatic tension).

Boss Battle 2.1 Begins

And time slooooowed doooooooooooooooooooooown (We need the slow-mo boss fight). Lianne slowly gasped in horror as a giant chess board slowly appeared in the room. It was the legendary 4 player chess chess board, and behind side 1 slowly materialized the wizard, the Great and Powerful Ozzzzzzzzzzz. Slowly disappearing and reappearing behind side 2 was the Small and Idiotic Alfredo. For side 3, the HPPCPCD grew 2 epithets, the eccentric and omnipotent and side 4 was taken over by Al, the mischievous and annoying philosoraptor.

Cosmic

These are the rules , said the wizard. Each side moves as in normal chess. That is all.

Tic-Tac-Toe is the same as chess. To win a game, one needs perfect information. I have perfect information. This is the philosoraptor s philosophy. The EOHPPCPCD decided that if he lost pieces, others must too, so let s trade away the day. The wizard gets +1 reincarnation, for each piece of his that dies gets +1 health. Alfred didn t know how to play chess, but this was no problem.

Turn 1: The philosoraptor advanced a pawn 2 spaces

: The EOHPPCPCD advanced his pawn so as to capture the philosoraptors pawn.

: The wizard moved another pawn forward

:Alfred was confused, and passed his turn.

Turn 30 (chess is so boring to write about): The magician had 2 knights and a rook and a queen. The philosoraptor lost when Alfred got bored and clubbed him to death. The EOHPPCPCD had all his pieces left (dramatic tension), and Alfred had his king.

The magician moved his knight to check Alfred.

Could you stop checking me , you ve only done that the last 28 moves.

The magician said nothing .

Alfred moved his king to capture the knight.

He captured the knight.

The EOHPPCPCD didn t pay attention to this pivotal event.

Alfred moved his king to capture the EOHPPCPCD s king, and he captured it.

Alfred moved his king to capture the magicians king, and he captured it.

Alfred won the game (slow-mo chess games are boring to write, so it was ended suddenly) , and then was besieged by a horde of skeletons, priests, dragons, and space cats who apparently thought he cheated.

BOSS BATTLE 2.2 BEGINS

Alfred could deal with skeletons just fine. He could deal with priests just fine, too. Given the opportunity, he might be able to defeat the space cats (the whole point of the story), but I seriously doubt it. Alfred was intensely afraid of dragons.

These were ordinary dragons, that is for whatever planet they were on now. These dragons had an exceptionally short life cycle. Every 5 seconds one of the dragons would split into two dragons, 5 seconds later, 4, 10 seconds later, 16, 42 seconds later, 256 dragons, 88888 seconds later, 2.57*10^5351 dragons. (Also, when you kill a dragon, it reanimates with 4 heads instead of one). Needless to say, the room was filled quickly with flying dragons, eating dragons, dying dragons, multi headed dragons, purple dragons, rainbow dragons, dragons wearing glasses, dragons eating skeletons, dragons eating Priests, dragons destroying miniature towns, dragons waging world wars, dragons messing with time, dragons messing with space, dragons trying to steal the pillars of physics, dragons trying to take Donald Trump s golden locks for themselves, dragons pretending to be trains (except they shoot fire), dragons playing with slinkies, dragons falling through a hole in the floor, Alfred and Jersh falling through the hole in the floor, dragons using 15M HNO3 to dissolve the castle, dragons playing

shuffleboard, and 1143 dragons eating pizza, 2342 dragons building space nukes, 2437 dragons inhabiting skeletons, 788 dragons forming an army with which to challenge the wyrms, 9 dragons flying about, 17764 dragons eating terrified villagers

Back to Alfred and Jersh. They happened to be falling through a hole in the floor. This hole seemed like an ordinary escape trapdoor, typical of the Priests, but it wasn t. 261 dragons had messed around with the space time continuum to send them on their way. As they began to fall, the dragons said, ak nul gaz al sull xawtaz vatyq il req... (I have sent you on a quest to seek ) , but because there was no noise in space, and because our intrepid heroes couldn t understand dragonononononononoononononononononononononononononononononnonononononononian, no hay problemas.

Alfred lost in

Alfred was falling.

He was used to this.

He after all had done this several thousand times in his life

He fell into an inky void

The inky void had points of light

Points of light became stars

As he fell stars turned to streaks of light

Streaks of light turned into plaids of light

Plaids turned to polka dots

Someone shot through a polka dot

Polka dots turned into birds

Birds turned into tessellations

Tessellations turned into MC Esher paintings

MC Esher paintings turned in abstract impressionism paintings

Abstract impressionism turned into abstract expressionist paintings

Abstract expressionist turned into mannerist

Mannerism turned into romanticism

It dawned on Alfred that he might not be in space right now

Romanticism turned into Baroque

Baroque became Gothic

Gothic became Dadaism

The red background turned into a planet

Alfred had a realization

That planet was Mars

And that was his least favorite museum of art

The legendary Martian Museum of Eartion Art

End Chapter 41.99: Things are Explained

Begin Chapter 0.6: Mars exists (for now)

Alfred walked calmly over to the exit, but he noticed something muy estrano. He was walking through walls. Alfred s panic set in, leading to the biggest, baddest, most atrocious, despair inducing incident in Jersh s life, when he fell in the pool of extracted meatloaf radiation, causing his body to grow several bone spikes that humiliated him in front of his peers. He would be known as Jersh the goddamn idiot for the rest of his life. He looked at the Calendar of History, and found that it was 1AM on May 93rd. Turns out that Alfred can t interact with the world at all. All he can do is match his velocity to be relative to the planet he is on. He can see the world, but it is in a faded, muted, unsaturated tone. This is no problem, because Alfred and Jersh were going to stop the Space Cat invasion in ~1 hour.

Step 1: Find the Space Cats

Step 2: Stop the Space Cats

Step 3: ?

Step 4: Profit

Step 1 was accomplished in 2 minutes, until Alfred remembered that the Space Cats destroyed Mars from iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnnnn spaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaace. It was quite the menacing sight. Alfred fled in fear of the Space Cats. Minutes passed. The Space Cats sent a blinding light toward the planet, incinerating everything.

Cats Destroy

Alfred was in shock. Jersh (being the smart one), left Alfred to die and moved after the Space Cats. As Jersh drew closer to the ships, he took out his trusty M&M knife out of its sheath, brandishing it at his enemies. His enemies, of course, didn t see him, so they paid no attention to him. Jersh threw his knife at the cats, and it hit them. A thousand angry weapons simultaneously threateningly brandished M&M grenades at Jersh. Jersh flew away, and ended up in the control ship (plot is boring plz skip). Near the computer was a note written in Cattish, The nuclear launch codes are as follows:

Lvl 1 launch password: password

Lvl 2 launch password: 12345678

Lvl 3 Launch password: WeShallRemakeTheWorldForOurSlimeOverlords(Lianne?)

Lvl 4 Launch password: AllHailTheSlimeLords

Password for command of this ship: GGWPMATES!

Password for control of the fleet: IWantToEatSomePlanets

Password for control of communications: CorrectHorseBatteryStaple

Jersh memorized the list easily (but what are the odds the authors did)

Jersh was suddenly sent into the black hole because he was too busy memorizing important things for all time to escape.

After he emerged from the black hole (physics = bad) Jersh materialized inside a wall of the ship. Welcome to your New Overlords , said the SlimeLord. It s nice to meet you. I hope you understand why we're doing this, but if you don t, we will kill you, reincarnate you, and brainwash and indoctrinate you to lead the fleet against your own friends. Have a nice day

End Chapter 0.6

Begin Chapter: SlimeLords defeat TimeLords

Recap: There are 2 Alfreds, 2 Jershes, and 2 Liannes. Alfred 1, Jersh 1, and Lianne 1, are the original friends that began the story. Lianne 2 and Alfred 2 are in a parallel world but can t interact with the real world. Jersh 2 is the leader of the space cats and is unknowingly attacking his friends. Alfred 2 and Lianne 2 are where Mars was, and the 1s are in the original plot (see previous 122 pages).

Jersh was brainwashed by the SlimeLord.

Jersh as

End Chapter SlimeLords defeat TimeLords

Begin Chapter: The Main Author is Back: Alfred and Lianne

Alfred and Lianne could conveniently see each other due to the fact that they were in the same alternate plane (parallel universe), and Lianne, being a hugh mungus fan of space movies, thought they should try some Interstellar type stuff in order to find the legendary meme parts. They also discovered that they could move to a different plane of existence (represented by a hued tone) where time passed by 100x slower but they remained the same speed. They zoom zoomed around until they located the 6th legendary meme part, which was the _ but _ script, known to make any video in existence popular. They noted the location of this, then they zoom zoomed around until they found another one. The other one happened to be a statue of a man, but the foggy look of all of this dimension's things made the identity of this man unknowable. They did not question it and noted the location.

Alfred and Lianne found the meme parts, but they were unable to do anything about them. So, Alfred pulled out his trusty Stor-tastic Game-opolis Games of Doom. Inside was a game of Rock, Paper, Scissors, Lizard, Spock, Battleship, Monopoly, War, and Basta! It is known as the game that never ends, it goes on and on my friends. Some people started playing it, not knowing what is was, and they will keep on playing it not knowing just because this is the game that never ends

Rules: Play Monopoly normally. Battleships are replaced with monopoly properties. After every turn, Monopoly properties are randomized on the grid. One attack per turn. A hit results in the

removal of one house on a property. If no houses appear, the other person loses their property. Meanwhile, people play Rock, Paper, Scissors, Lizard, Spock to determine the number of cards are played in War. Win = 3 cards (2 addition and one multiplier) Tie = 2 Cards(2 addition) Lose = 1 card (squared). The winner of the hand has the most points from the cards, and takes the cards. Cards are added, multiplied, and squared depending on the outcome from Rock, Paper, Scissors, Lizard, Spock. (-10 + the number of points in your hand)/100 + 1 - Multiplier for your money store in monopoly. The winner of Monopoly then has to defeat the other person in a game of basta.

Alfred and Lianne played the game for years and years. Major events passed them by without so much as a thought. Dragons slowly expanded out into the universe after Alfred 1, Jersh 1, and Lianne 1 died in a fiery ball of collapsing dragons (What do we want? Dead Characters. When do we want it? Before Character Development). 2 more days passed slowly, where Lianne beat Monopoly, but lost to Alfred in Basta!

Alfred and Lianne grew despondent, but each believed that they could still win the Democratic Nomination for President, or the game (but that one isn t important).

One day, Alfred felt a giant sucking feeling emanating in the space around him. Soon, Lianne was being dragged across the flat plane of existence away from Alfred. Alfred sat down and was sad that Lianne wasn t able to finish the game with him. Soon, Alfred too was being dragged unwillingly away from his game set. Flying faster and faster

across the universe, Alfred didn t pay attention to the unique celestial objects passing by him. He failed to comprehend the beauty of the cosmos, and in that moment he ceased to exist.

Alfred re-came into existence, but this time in the real world/universe/galaxy/multiverse. He saw that he was hurtling through space next to Lianne toward a planet. Alfred yelled at Lianne, but she had no idea what was happening (sound doesn t exist. Sound is bad). As they fell toward the planet, they noticed the planet had a giant vacuum cleaner mounted it. It was planet Herbert Hoover, and it existed solely on the Great Depression and very, very, very large vacuum cleaners. Alfred and Lianne plunged inside the Vacuum Cleaner to end All Vacuum Cleaners

End Chapter: The Main Author is Back: Alfred and Lianne

Begin Chapter: Alfred and Lianne: Inside the Vacuum Cleaner

Upon entering the vacuum cleaner, Alfred 2 and Lianne 2 found the original three characters, who had failed to permanently die and were hiding out on planet Herbert Hoover. The original three proceeded to kill the two new imposters (Jersh 2 was still leading the space cat fleet to kill them), and the font was restored to normal.

Looking around, they saw that inside the vacuum there was a massive city made of reinforced dust and old lego bricks. There was also no air (it IS a vacuum after all), but after centuries of death, rebirth, and space travel, our protagonists had developed a resistance to instantly dying in a zero-pressure environment, and thus didn t notice. The residents of the capitol, Hooverville, had all recently fallen victim to an alien disease spread by the space cats (it only affected their species, so releasing it throughout the whole universe had been a complete waste of money). This disease turned them into dust bunnies, and the vacuums happily sucked them up until there was almost no one left in Hooverville.

They wandered the streets despondently looking for someone less despondent than they were. They passed by Cthulhu the Infinitely Prolonged, Zzyzzxxaz the Destroyer of Zanzibar, Hayloptibal the Manager of the Wall of Montooth, and many, many vacuum cleaner shops, happily selling new color plastic blocks popularly called IEGO. When they turned a corner, a vacuum drawn carriage roared passed them, splashing them with the vomit of a thousand cats. Sinking deeper and deeper into the muck and filth and slime and putrescence and death and decay, they realized that there was a hole in the vacuum, and after spending a while trapped in the muck, they fell through the ceiling into an entirely new room.

This bright, shiny, former capitalist utopia turned communist utopia turned generally state of unhappiness usually encountered 3 minutes into a test was called: A New Deal for a New Earth, led by the estimable F. D. R. XLII. As soon as they landed, they were surrounded by people asking them to work, whether it was in the AAA or the FBLA or the DECA or the CC or the SCI or WPB or the MONSTERLY MONSTROUS MONSTER TRUCK COMPANY (we have no dealings whatsoever with space cats (space cats are bad)). Hedging their bets, they decided to work for the MMMTC, because it offered them free cookies. They immediately forgot about the horrors of Hooverville and enthusiastically join MMMTC.

Much of the food in the government sponsored MMMTC government sponsored cafeteria was milkshake based, mainly extra milkshakes from Alfred s Milkshake companies. This seemed innocuous enough, in addition to the rampant army bases, and continual federal growth of the economy, slowly stifling individual productivity until nothing was left except to work in the government. Alfred, Jersh, and Lianne slowly forgot about the space cats, while overhead the fake night sky began to lose its stars.

End Chapter: Alfred and Lianne: Inside the Vacuum Cleaner

Begin Chapter: Interstellar 2.0: Race to Witch Mountain (starring Dwayne the Rock Johnson as Dwayne the Rock Johnson) (Directed by Christopher The Rock Nolan)

Alfred, Jersh, and Lianne had all changed The Rock Johnson their names to Dwayne the Rock Johnson. Dwayne the Rock Johnson, Dwayne the Rock Johnson, Dwayne the Rock Johnson, Oxford the Rock Comma had just woken up and settled down to their daily breakfast of 2 360 Scope Nope Scones with complimentary Tutti Frutti Milkshakes of average health benefits. Over breakfast, they discussed their plans for today. Dwayne The Rock Johnson said, I shall make the most best foods for my favorite dictator, D. TR .J. XLII , while Dwayne The Rock Johnson planned on learning how to say Pickle Rick in a Se or Allin (Johnson) accent. Oxford Comma was a genetic engineer specializing in making large attack spiders to fend off the space cats.

Oxford the Rock Comma loved the Dwayne The Rock Johnson comma, but he loved his Dwayne The Rock Johnson spiders even more. He made artillery Johnson spiders that shot webs of electrified web Johnsons at an alarming rate (ara a MK IVXI). His tank Johnson spiders grew armor and ran down everything in their path. They had been instrumental in teh destruction of the indestructible wall keeping the Ultimate Dwayne The Rock Johnson away from Earth, and had been used as dive bombers on the battle for Planet 42 FRTYTO 42 (ara aara a). His flying Johnson spiders were second only to the space Johnsons in term of maneuverability and agility, but they had a destructive payload 1.000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000001x as Johnsony (big accomplishments) (pajaro ara aara a).

Overall, his Johnson spiders were scary.

H-B1bzAiWuxMIMrKNKZi-TqlLAPLOMC4OUzbRd8WCOs-UT29XNxZOgIA8Z32UhQiw0LiqU47z_57KGzenJlc5qjQAMCwiuZOIzQwQpxt97JUuNp8IpQAYwotvYNBf1QU3G5WpeYC The 4 of them walked toward the MMMTC compound conveniently located 2.71828 km from Witch Mountain. The two areas are joined secretly underground through the use of an old abandoned mine tunnel, which no one except Dwayne the Rock Johnson knew about.

The work proceeded smoothly, until word came that Dwayne the Rock Johnson had encountered an alien lifeform, also called Dwayne the Rock Johnson. Dwayne the Rock Johnson in response had initiated an all-out assault on Bruja Mountain, where Dwayne the Rock Johnson was. On an unrelated note, Oxford the Rock Comma s Johnson attack spiders had broken out of Bruja Mountain. Dwayne the Rock Johnson was about to take on Dwayne the Rock Johnson in a battle fought with Dwayne the Rock Johnson to the death. Dwayne the Rock Johnson, Dwayne the Rock Johnson, and Dwayne the Rock Johnson ran into Dwayne the Rock Johnson, who was trying his best to get to Witch mountain to activate all the nuclear arsenals to destroy Hooverville. But that was before they found the Johnson attack

spiders, and Dwayne the Rock Johnson Mutant Corn Zombie spider.

VSonRf4Py29qFNZA3CQWbezOS7EGYNyyVJAP54sLgcZOlsD_KlUICOjWsaOeDhMGPIIV8PPyajJqiVSxmd1CiwUEUUc5VQe9uCcpdxKMVqw4O5NsmxKkeG7CYtxR1j7QjOTqdeKQ Choote , said Dwayne the Rock Johnson as spiders started swarming out of Bruja Mountain (what a convenient name). Dwayne the Rock Johnson was cowering in fear on top of the mountain, while Dwayne the Rock Johnson had just reached the entrance when suddenly there were spiders everywhere. Gnawing off your leg (spiders, spiders) eating your brain (spiders spiders) mutating you genes (spiders spiders) making you a spider (spiders spiders). Spiders were mutating rocket launchers in place of their legs, and machine guns instead of their eyes (good luck artists).

Dwayne the Rock Johnson was stunned into silence. How could this happen to him? He was the protagonist of this story. Nothing could stop him. Yet. Yet. There was something strange about these spiders. Choote , said Dwayne the Rock Johnson again. Suddenly, out of the mountain burst Dwayne the Rock Johnson Mutant Corn Zombie spider.

-PZlTi0vecUiASToP_1by8FoZiiX3Qr9evhTfJj0lAMVDQO-Hyi-dm_C5pwgTgdNf_GkEq0sAxidsMgSqVa_Ti-x5NonIOhUddcyqWC4cvbS9dMHEwbH53kiNVryt7gVyWurQYRT Avalanches generally destroy a small area of land nearby the mountain. Mud slides destroy nice country highways that no one cares about except rich people nestled in the mountains. Enormous volcanic eruptions destroy states. Alien invasions destroy planets. Dwayne the Rock Johnson Mutant Corn Zombie spider destroys universes (but only after he eats lunch).

Dwayne the Rock Johnson knew, however, that the secret vial of anti-Dwayne the Rock Johnson Mutant Corn Zombie spider existed inside Witch Mountain.

That was before the alien invasion.

A dying civilization (Wrath of Xctylx) opened a portal right above Bruja Mountain, and a ship flew out, and then another ship, and another ship, and another ship, and a flotilla, and an armada, and a small moon.

Everything in the area was turned into an acoustic sounding board, while the alien message commenced. Choote, xazbl quesat hunasdg aasda aaah gjofd. Polythcasad hezdcxxc choote pulkassadf vvxcsifgmx ataysdgh

Dwayne the Rock Johnson launched a nuclear bomb at their small moon.

Ag aajsgah s;g as;lg awopeih a;gnk ahvfjasdgk hawteihgdfm, gbashkvfsahgd aklgb afgbs dfsdfabg jasdgb alksdgb kjasldbg lkjadg lksdfbglkjasbg adrb gjajg hl

Dwayne the Rock Johnson launched a laser explodonation device thingy at their small moon.

Have a nice day

The world was bathed in light.

The world was bathed in darkness.

The world was silent.

The world sprang back into action.

Little did Dwayne the Rock Johnson know, a virus had been released that would terraform the world into an even more barren desert in as little as 41.9 hours.

With the clock ticking, Dwayne the Rock Johnson, resumed his lone assault on the spider forces of Dwayne the Rock Johnson Mutant Corn Zombie spider.

End Chapter: Interstellar 2.0: Race to Witch Mountain (starring Dwayne the Rock Johnson as Dwayne the Rock Johnson) (Directed by Christopher The Rock Nolan)

Begin Chapter: Interstellar 2.0: Race to Witch Mountain (starring Dwayne the Rock Johnson as Dwayne the Rock Johnson) (Directed by Christopher The Rock Nolan) Act 2.0: Dwayne the Rock Johnson v Dwayne the Rock Johnson v Dwayne the Rock Johnson v Dwayne the Rock Johnson v Dwayne the Rock Johnson v Dwayne the Rock Johnson v Dwayne the Rock Johnson v Dwayne the Rock Johnson Mutant Corn Zombie spider v Johnson Spiders v Wrath of Xctylx aka The Battle of the 11 Armies aka It s The End of New Earth as we Know It, and I am Dwayne the Rock Johnson

Dwayne the Rock Johnson Mutant Corn Zombie spider sat down to eat lunch. His lunch would end in exactly 31 minutes. He went up to Nadie Mountain to eat his lunch in total solitude.

The small moon began charging up it s Estrella de Muerte, using the power of a small sun, required draining stars of their life force. It had 28 minutes left to charge. The Wrath of Xctylx planned for total domination.

Dwayne the Rock Johnson, Dwayne the Rock Johnson, and Dwayne the Rock Johnson planned to enter Witch Mountain to destroy the power source of the Johnson Spiders, Dwayne the Rock Johnson. Meanwhile, Dwayne the Rock Johnson, Dwayne the Rock Johnson, Dwayne the Rock Johnson, Dwayne the Rock Johnson,Dwayne the Rock Johnson ,Dwayne the Rock Johnson, and Dwayne the Rock Johnson were locked in an epic battle for control of Bruja Mountain (Artists can draw the battle. Writing battles is harder). That battle was a losing tide for Dwayne the Rock Johnson, as Johnson spiders were swarming out of the mountain like the way the ball of dragons expanded back on the Sphere of Seriousness. Spiders started eating the heads of Dwayne the Rock Johnson, while the remaining Dwayne the Rock Johnsons tried valiantly to hold back the horde of Johnson Spiders.

They could not hold the line, however, and in a desperate last stand the remaining four Dwayne the Rock Johnsons launched Bruja Mountain at the hoard of spiders out of a catapult made of Dwayne the Rock Johnsons. The resulting earthquake/explosion killed all of the remaining spiders and Dwayne the Rock Johnsons, very dramatically and such.

Dwayne the Rock Johnson, Dwayne the Rock Johnson, Dwayne the Rock Johnson (3D of Doom) entered Witch Mountain through the secret tunnel known only to Dwayne the Rock Johnson. Whence safely ensconced in Witch Mountain, they began to seek out the source of power that fueled the mutations of the Johnson Spiders. After looking around Oxford the Rock Comma s laboratory, they found a big red button with the sign do not press the red button The 3D of Doom pressed the red button. At first, nothing happen. At second, there was a deep rumbling. At third, 15M HNO3 began to stream through the ceiling, rapidly dissolving all traces of a laboratory. As the 3D of Doom ran for their lives, a giant boulder began rolling down the tunnel behind them. Racing around a corner, they found a miniature statue of Dwayne the Rock Johnson. Grabbing the statue, they made their escape out into the open, where they were immediately ringed by the Wrath of Xctylx, with their ray guns and anti ray guns and sidereal ray guns. Suddenly, a recycled craft spirited out of the sky and scooped Dwayne the Rock Johnson, Dwayne the Rock Johnson, Dwayne the Rock Johnson, with the statue of Dwayne the Rock Johnson, and brought them onboard. This craft turned out, after later inspection, to be the CFP This is not a Nuke, which the characters (and authors) had believed to be lost in the infinite expanse of the plot.

The Wrath of Xctylx readied their Estrella de Muerte and fired, obliterating New Earth (which is the planet they were on this whole time and which was actually in the middle of planet Hooverville) and much of the New Deal policies (insert joke here).

Dwayne the Rock Johnson Mutant Corn Zombie spider died due to lack of participation in the story, and also the incineration of the planet.

The characters flew away on the CFP This is not a Nuke, and were transformed back into themselves by the power of the _ but _ Script Legendary Meme Part (the final one, so you don t have to look back), which for whatever plot-convenient reason was sitting on the deck of the CFP This is not a Nuke.

End Chapter: Interstellar 2.0: Race to Witch Mountain (starring Dwayne the Rock Johnson as Dwayne the Rock Johnson) (Directed by Christopher The Rock Nolan) Act 2.0: Dwayne the Rock Johnson v Dwayne the Rock Johnson v Dwayne the Rock Johnson v Dwayne the Rock Johnson v Dwayne the Rock Johnson v Dwayne the Rock Johnson v Dwayne the Rock Johnson v Dwayne the Rock Johnson Mutant Corn Zombie spider v Johnson Spiders v Wrath of Xctylx aka The Battle of the 11 Armies aka It s The End of New Earth as we Know It, and I am Dwayne the Rock Johnson

Begin Chapter: The Wrath of Xctylx faces the Wrath of the Space Cats

An epic space battle ensued between the Wrath of Xctylx and the Space Cat armada. The cats had greater numbers, better ships and weapons, more skilled and experienced warriors, and better strategists, but the Wrath of Xctylx had none of those things. The space battle raged across space (or at least within a .534 lightyear cubed area) for a full space-hour (about six days and four minutes). Jersh 2.0 led the charge that destroyed the majority of the Wrath of Xctylx s planet-destroying spaceships, thus cementing his position as Grand Admiral of All the Space Cat Spaceships. In the end, the Wrath of Xctylx were cornered in their Estrella de Muerte and surrounded by 23.71 x 10^4 Space Cat spaceships. Due to a conveniently-placed ventilation shaft and several Xctylx using the ship s main computer to play Rocket League instead of run the defenses, the Space Cats blew up the Estrella de Muerte in a big, cinematic explosion, thus eliminating the only real threat to their eventual destruction of the universe. Really, the only real threat. The protagonists pose no threat at all. They re screwed.

(IMPORTANT: DO NOT READ:: only 42 stars remain in the whole universe, with the 42FRTYTO42 system being the farthest away from the Space Cat s current position. They shall go to each remaining star and destroy it with the laser they recovered from the Estrella de Muerte until they eventually reach 42FRTYTO42)

End Chapter: The Wrath of Xctylx faces the Wrath of the Space Cats

Begin Chapter: The Legendary Meme

Alfred, Jersh, and Lianne now possessed the 7 legendary meme parts that Harambe had commanded them to find from across the universe. They are as follows:

The Seven Meme

. Harambe s Dicks Out Stone . The Miniature Replica of Rick Harrison s Pawn Shop . Donald Trump s Golden Locks . Ken Bone s Mustache

. Philosoraptor s corpse . The _ but _ Script . The statue of Dwayne the Rock Johnson

And Senor Allin was there too (but not a meme part :( )...

They trekked across the galaxy (or what was left of it) to find the Hermit Old Ben Kenodi (entirely coincidence)(someone should change the name to something better) who knew and possessed the power to combine the memes into one. This mega memelord type stuff could allow our heroes to summon stuff at will, but only on Tuesdays after 38 pm and odd numbered years following a solar lunar banana eclipse. After carefully examining all the parts of the meme, he began the process to combine all the mememememememememes into one. 7 in one, the holy septinitry (o algo). He combined them in the fires of Mt. Doomeme, and combined them into one sceptre to rule them all. Mt. Doomeme also contained the one entrance to the cubist dimension, found buried under a thousands pounds of molten discarded memes, and slowly the memes sweeped down into the cubist dimension, infiltrating and infecting all inside with the desire and passion to destroy all the memes, to end the torture they found themselves under, as they were working as slave producing all the memes; one day, soon after Alfred s parents were trapped inside, the trapped cubistonians began to uprise against the evil internet communist fascist nazist regimes of evil and doom and destruction and desecration; this uprising was carefully planned and executed, and succeed largely in part due to the effect of the cubist dimension. They utilized cubism to its utmost advantage. It allowed for unparalleled spying on the memelords, and allowed them to construct fantastic weapons that only worked through cubism. The memelords, armed with only simple conventional space nukes, found that they didn t work. In one fell swoop, the land of cubism was struck to the ground in its mighty revolution. A portal began to open, but before Jammy and Gooper (Alfred s parents) could exit,

the land turned into a surreal surrealist landscape. The cubistonians thus became surrealistonians, and began to work for their freedom again.

Many years and many art periods later, the now post-modern-surrealist-dada-neo-  
romanticist- bananaDog-post-meme-excelationonians opened the portal again. Jammy and Gooper had conveniently arranged to be beside the portal when it opened. True to form the portal opened. Jammy and Gooper left through the portal in a dramatic jump away from the exploding former cubist dimension into the depth of Mt. Doomeme. This was conveniently at the exact same time as our protagonists were combining the legendary meme parts into the heretofore unnamed ultra-meme (aka The Sceptre to Rule Them All (aka Deathraze, Ravager of Echoes (aka The Oculus, Reaver of Lost Hope (aka Witherbrand, Whisper of Conquered Worlds (aka Piece Maker, Betrayer of Broken Dreams (aka Striker, Incarnation of Blessed Fortune (aka Stinger, Crusader of Eternal Struggles (aka Shadowsteel, Butcher of the Void (aka Tyrhung, Spine of Lost Voices (aka Seethe, Pact of the Serpent (aka Lightbringer, Cunning of the Moon (aka Aetherius, Sculptor of Twisted Visions (aka Night's Fall, Bringer of Inception (aka Heartseeker, Last Hope of Mystery (aka Lazarus, Token of Lost Worlds (aka Ragnarok, Defender of Unholy Blight (aka Godslayer, Memory of Misery (aka Blazefury, Wit of Silence (aka Doombringer, Blood Blade of Eternal Bloodlust (aka Ragespike, Reaper of Delusions (aka Nightcrackle, Jaws of the Incoming Storm)))))))))))))))))))) (We got trapped in a name generator (plz hlp)).

Its official name is: Deathraze, Ravager of Echoes (although any of the other names are acceptable).

End Chapter: The Legendary Meme

Begin Chapter: Characterization of Characters

Jammy Parcelsius Javier Alfonse Pimienta is forced to develop a personality through the ghosts of the High Priests of Character Development, who were trying to find our actual protagonists but got mixed up because ghosts are bad at directions. Jammy Pimienta had a Specific Phobia, Social Anxiety Disorder, Panic Disorder, Agoraphobia, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Bipolar I and II Disorder, Cyclothymic Disorder, Major Depressive Disorder, Persistent Depressive Disorder (Dysthemia), Dissociative Identity Disorder, Dissociative Amnesia, Depersonalization/Derealization Disorder, OCD, Body Dysmorphic Disorder, and Hoarding Disorder.

Gooper Ignatius Paco Scipio Hannibal Pimienta was also forced to develop their personality. Here we go: He had Paranoid, Schizoid, Schizotypal, Antisocial, Borderline, Histrionic, Narcissistic, Avoidant, Dependent, and O-C Personality disorder; and Delusional Disorder, Brief Psychotic Disorder, Schizophreniform Disorder, Schizophrenia, Somatic Symptom Disorder, Illness Anxiety Disorder, Conversion Disorder, Factitious Disorder, and PTSD (the worst one).

(These count as personalities, right?)

(Thanks to Jonathan s DSM-5)

End Chapter Characterization of Characters

Begin Chapter: The Plot Takes a Detour to Discuss More Politics

Now that the characters are done being characterized, the nonexistent plot can continue.

Gooper and Jammy certainly led interesting lives in the formerly cubist dimension.

Jammy sent out messages to all his robot fly minions to contact the legendary trasher of worlds, Allen the Garbage Can (No relation to Senor Allin), last seen 300 years ago in the destruction of Planet Bing. Gots to get more people in the story. Much importance. Jammy and Gooper decided the underside of a volcano of memes was too PTSDing for Gooper s PTSD, so they just went up and left for the Luxury Hotel System of Hilton-Marriott-Trump.

These were 3 planets filled with expensive hotels, and in an eternal state of warfare, at least since 42 AMU, when the 3 planets united against the invasion of Motel Asteroids, which were soon followed by an invasion of Russian Ambassadors, all named Sergei Kislyakasdasdhgsd (the asdasdhgsd is silent) . After repelling the assault with the help of the Space Cats destroying the Motel Asteroids, the three planets of the Luxury Hotel System of Hilton-Marriott-Trump had resumed their destructive infighting. Sergei Kislyakasdasdhgsd entered into an alliance with the Space Cats to preserve a the Luxury Hotel System of Hilton-  
Marriott-Trump as the official hotel system of the Space Cats, and was also the ambassador to the planet, supposedly protecting it. In reality, he was angling to become the supreme dictator of the free universe through the careful manipulation of the Trump Hotel Planet.

Through many years of torturous abduction of detergent and spare sheets, he was finally in position to use his light-years long chain of sheets. He attached one end to the Hilton planet using agents of planet Marriott, and attached the other end to ze planet The Newly Revived Collapsing Russian Empire. He used detergent to ward off space jellyfish, a terrifying space species only second to the space sharks of angmar.

The Newly Revived Collapsing Russian Empire turned on its MK 2 Hyperspace engine to drag the Hilton Planet over to Newly Revived Russian Empire.

The engine burned a hole into the core of the planet, and blasted a smiley face into the atmosphere. The detergent on the rope began to attract various intergalactic diseases. As the rope broke, the shockwave cut the smiley-faced atmosphere in half, and ricocheted back into the Hilton-Marriott-Trump system, where all non-essential inhabitants were killed by the Space Plague, Zauniqan. Back inside the slowly collapsing Fall of the Russian Empire Planet named something or other, the core of its planet exploded back out into space, revealing a very large, very angry, pacman-shaped garbage can with the pacman theme song playing in the background.

May Sergei Kislyakasdasdhgsd be praised for his efforts.

May his artifice live forever (AP test memes here).

End Chapter: The Plot Takes a Detour to Discuss More Politics

Begin Chapter: A New More Important Evil Character is Created For a Short Period of Time

Universal Update:

England and France, eternal enemies, were finally destroyed at this time.

Sweden still exists, and Kansas, and Sweven, all on separate asteroids orbiting larger asteroids, but no other Earth-based governmental entities exist.

Senor Allin was perfecting his dramatic entrance into the 3rd Act

Nithinel abandoned planet Harambe as the cats destroyed its star. He had failed to restore peace anyway. He now traveled to the last civilized star system: 42 FRTYTO 42

The Space Cats took a lunch break.

42 FRTYTO 42 celebrated their most important holiday; Hitchhiker Day.

Allen the Garbage Can leapt out of his eternal coffin that he was enjoying very much to the chagrin of the universe. The gods decided that life could sort out its own disasters, and left the universe to enjoy a very nice 123408 year long piano concert by the newly hologrammed Beet-Oven. Allen the Garbage can left to find his old homies Jammy and Goober, who he thought had left him alone during the battle for 360 Scope-Nope some 300 years ago. Resentful for his imprisonment, he wanted revenge on Jammy and Goober.

Jammy and Goober happily reunited with Alfred, Jersh, and Lianne, and spent many pages talking about their adventures from Act I of Alfred and Jersh (I DO NOT WANT TO WRITE A SUMMARY OF WHAT HAS HAPPEN). Once Jammy and Goober had learned of the legendary meme staff Deathraze, Ravager of Echoes, they hatched a plan to steal the legendary Deathraze, Ravager of Echoes. Using their carefully honed skills of poison forged in the cubist dimension, they laced meatloaf with a long acting-paralysis poison to immobilize Alfred, Jersh, and Lianne, while they took the eternal meme scepter Deathraze, Ravager of Echoes. 2 minutes later, in a convenient turn of event, Allen the Garbage Can arrived and

demanded to meet Jammy and Goober or he would eat the planet whole. Jammy and Goober went up his ladder of a thousand discarded dreams to meet with Allen the Garbage Can.

Allen the Garbage

Allen the Garbage Can discovered that Deathraze, Ravager of Echoes, fit perfectly in his compactor. In exchange for their lives, Allen the Garbage Can acquired, Deathraze, Ravager of Echoes, and then promptly ate the half of the planet with Jammy and Goober on it. Allen the Garbage Can activated Deathraze, Ravager of Echoes.

Allen the Garbage can received:

+1 Damage

+1 Health

-50000 Defense

-50000 Resistance

-.23 Lives

+2 Water Guns

+2 Pounds of Catnip

\+ Takes 99.98% reduced damage if health is lowered below 43%

\- 1000 Health Regen

\+ Immune to damage over time

\+ all the space weapons not currently involved in the story

\- All space weapons may be only discussed once, and are then destroyed

\- takes 99.99% more damage from space sharks

\+ The ability to cast aspersions

Deathraze, Ravager of Echoes is evolving .

Deathraze, Ravager of Echoes has evolved into Gravity-Resistant Deathraze, Ravager of Echoes

Alfred and Jersh awoke to a minor planet disturbance, that is, they became acutely aware that half the planet was missing. As they looked out of their window, they saw nothing. Normally, they saw the Legendary Land of Artifice, a museum honoring those most skilled in artifice, mainly those who come from planet YubTubs. This cliff intensely puzzled them, as did the sudden changes in font. Deciding it wasn t their biggest problem, Alfred, Jersh, and Lianne dug back into some leftover meatloaf, and were promptly poisoned again.

A return to a normal font represented a return to normalcy for some of our characters, but they are all dead right now. As Alfred, Jersh, and Lianne peacefully slept while the planet slowly collapsed due to the missing half of the planet.

Allen the Garbage Can decided that he had caused enough damage for a day, so he set out to reclaim his ancient empire of 2 star systems and his ancient court, a court of trash bins and dumps.

Alfred the Garbage Can had quite an interesting character, as memorialized in that old song, Allen the Garbage Can :

Alfred the Garbage Can

Lived in Afghanistan

And wanted to bomb Kazakistan

Alfred the Garbage Can

Went to North Korea

And asked for a nuclear bomb

Alfred the Garbage Can

Got a nuclear bomb

To use to bomb Kazakistan

Allen the Garbage Can

Went to spent nuclear waste pools

And gobbled up all the extra nuclear waste

Allen the Garbage Can

Was investigated by the CIA

And he ate the CIA

Allen the Garbage Can

Was approached by Alfred the Recycling Bin

And together they blew up Kazakistan

Allen the Garbage Can and Alfred the Recycling Bin

Went to Uzbekistan

And started a war against Tajikistan Allen the Garbage Can and Alfred the Recycling Bin

Ate all of Tajikistan

And recycled plot devices

Allen the Garbage Can and Alfred the Recycling Bin

Lived in Uzbekistan

And wanted to bomb Turkmenistan

Allen the Garbage Can and Alfred the Recycling Bin

Started bombing all the Stans

Stan was very sad his empire was eaten/bombed

Allen the Garbage Can and Alfred the Recycling Bin

Slowly ate all the countries off the face of the Earth

And wanted to eat more stuff

Allen the Garbage Can and Alfred the Recycling Bin

Started eating the sun

When Alfred the Recycling Bin was captured by the IMF

Allen the Garbage Can thought he was dead

Allen the Garbage Can was sad

Allen the Garbage Can

Lived in outer space

And wanted to bomb Rusia

Allen the Garbage Can

Nuked Rusia

But was captured by the Newly Revived Collapsing Russian Empire.

Rip Allen the Garbage Can

(We has the highest lvl poetry, on the scale of Emily Dickinson and Robert Frost.)

And so Allen the Garbage Can sought out his former partner Alfred the Recycling Bin in the land of IMFs.

End Chapter: A New More Important Evil Character is Created For a Short Period of Time

Begin Chapter: A New Reign of Terror Occurs

IMFs turned out to be intermolecular forces. Allen the Garbage Can was trapped by intermolecular forces, the most biggest hugest prison of doomiest gloomiest black granite ever ever ever made with a single solitary rose outside (juxtaposition) (We has rhetorical strats). Allen the Garbage Can banged his head against the wall for four hours, but succeeded in denting his head and his brain, making him a much more cheerful and optimistic person (the pessimism was slowly killing the author s hopes and dreams). He was so optimistic that he went to a hell of screaming silence, where black and white lose all meaning and the only direction is inward. Where the infinite possibilities of existence are compressed into a single moment of abject horror, where one can see the ultimate shape of the universe and realize the terrible truth that there IS no shape no beginning, no end, and no meaning or texture beyond that which we apply to it. An eternal, unyielding, soul-twisting miasma of light where the memories of those you loved and those you hated intertwine until the emotions are one and the same. You are overwhelmed with a single desire: to escape. To return to the world you once knew, to flee this world of hateful simplicity and unity, to be amongst the difficult and the unpleasant and the complex once again because even the torture and terror of everyday life is preferable to the unending, heart-shattering peace of this nothingness.

In other words, the same place Pokemon go when they enter a ball.

End Chapter: A New Reign of Terror Occurs

Begin Chapter: The authors took a break from writing the novel and went on summer vacation and they are too lazy to read what just happened so here's an unrelated side story that ends the story from before on a cliffhanger.

Hi. Welcome to the Carnival of Souls

End Chapter: The authors took a break from writing the novel and went on summer vacation and they are too lazy to read what just happened so here's an unrelated side story that ends the story from before on a cliffhanger.

Begin Chapter: Jippi Jappa

(Inside the Carnival of Souls)

Jippi Jappa Jappa Jappa Jappa Switching from Exclamation Notation. Jippi Dammit Fred, you done goofed. Lies, go eat a bucket of slugs. Jappa Jippi Fix it already No yes No yes No yes No yes *sigh

Good morning said Allen the Garbage Can.

Jippi Jappa Jippi Jappa Jappa Jippi Jippi Jappa Jippi Jappa

!

Que?

Boku wa Fred da

Wrong language baka

Who are you calling an idiot?

You

Die!

I refuse to. Please try again in 10 hours.

Wazzup my doodz, this is a game of speed. Please eat a bucket of slugs, Allen

How did you know my name

I ve been crossing the galaxy trying to eat you

Good luck with that

*bites Fred s head off*

I don t think we should eat him anymore said another background noise, Josh, the Ultimate Potato.

Good Idea.

My, what big hats you have, Josh.

The hats hugeness is due to the deadness of my soul.

You has a soul?

Yes, I do.

What is it?

The dead stars once killed by space cats

Inside your hat?

Yes

And what do you do with them, like your hat is miles tall?

I play lob them at my enemies. Also, it grants me telekinesis. Your demise will be sung about for ages to come - only thanks to its proximity to me, of course. If you'd like to play with me, you'd better be sure you know the game.

Sir, come with me

Why?

Because I said so

Why?

It s important to me

Why?

So that you will see the beauty in this world

Why?

*gets knocked unconscious*

2 hours later ..

Welcome to the 42nd annual exploding pickleball championships. I m your host, John Sena

*Sees many tall hats*

Jippi Jappa, it s a hat.

Audience, do you have your nuclear bombs ready for the competition

Eh, nuclear bombs? But they have pickleball rackets

Just wait , Josh said maliciously

The Official Rules to Exploding Pickleball

1\. Players may only hit the ball with their racket. 2. Players must abide by pickleball rules. 3. Players may use their souls as gravity fields to deflect bombs and the game ball. 4. Players may only keep their souls on the own half of the court, and can only use telekinesis on the ball. 5. All spectators will be subject to intense gravity changes, however, no one has been killed yet, and are invited to throw bombs at the contestants.. 6. Have a nice day.

That should explain everything , according to John Sena.

And they are off

In the finals, we have Larry LarryGeorge George and Alfredo Hamburger Tungsten. Larry is known for his ability to dodge bombs, but is in a wheelchair and very immobile. Meanwhile, Alfredo es el mejor persona en la deporte. Good luck, everyone

It was a very close match, through the first three sets, but coming into set 4, you gotta hand it to Mr. Tungsten, whose durability is outlasting George in this epic battle of the wills. And set 4 begins with large bombs being thrown all at Tungsten, he expertly redirects them toward Larry George, and Oh No! What s This! The bombs have been swallowed up into Larry s soul. (Larry s souls was at 1.39 solar masses right? And the bombs each have a weight of .01 solar masses) EVERYBODY RUN FOR YOUR LIFE

AAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaHHHHHHHHHhhH!

Run Away

Run Away

The type 1a supernova is a very useful supernova for measuring intergalactic distances. It is not useful if you want to stay alive.

Did you know a supernova is 9 orders of magnitude as bright as a hydrogen bomb pressed against your eye?

Allen, luckily, was protected against the strong gravitational waves by means of Deathraze, Ravager of Echoes antigravity passive.

People were drifting by near Allen, but he didn t care about others. He just wanted to find a home.

Let s go to a commercial break

All according to keikaku , said Josh. (Note: Keikaku means plan)

Pink Pizza

It s pizza except it s Pink.

Pink Pizza

It s pizza except it s Pink.

Come to Croix s Pizza Shopeeeee to taste the deliciousness of pink pizza.

For a limited time only, order two pink pizzas for two eichbald slaves.

Have a Nice day

Pink Pizza

It s pizza except it s Pink.

Made by What in the World is in My Pocket Industries

And we re back said John Sena (In case you were losing track of who said what)

What s this, a giant trashcan has been found sitting out in space

I m a garbage can, not a trash can

So this trashcan

No, Garbage Can

Whatever, so this weird angry dude has been sitting outside my office now, despite all the fun death and destruction going on outside. He is also shaped as a trashcan.

Hey, everyone

No response

Uhhh, we have to have a winner

So, uhhhh, I was going to name Tungsten the Winner, but it turns out he s dead

So, ummmm, I guess I ll make the trashcan

Garbage Can !

Sorry, Garbage Can, the winner.

Does that seem fair.

Cool. Let s go to the Imperious Imperial Castle of the Great Neo-Russian Empire

At the Imperious Imperial Castle of the Great Neo-Russian Empire:

Ah, you must be the chosen one according to this prophecy laid down generations ago. said President Bradley to Allen the Garbage Can, who was very confused as to how he got there.

What prophecy?

One day a giant trash can will come from another place and win an exploding pickleball tournament because everyone died.

Oh that can t possibly be me

Why not?

I m a garbage can, not a trash can

Whatever. It turns out that the person who fulfills this prophecy is the one who holds the legendary memestaff. Follow me

Wow. Ok then. So you just happen to have a room with memestaffs. Cool. Ok. We just didn t waste the entire book making one.

It s ok. This is where stale memes come to die

I m hungry

And your memestaff will join them

I m still hungry , said Allen (for context)

Strip him down and find the memestaff inside this horrible trash can

I m a garbage can!

Allen the Garbage Can eats the entire room, gaining the power of a million dead memes.

Ummmm, I seems to have a problem. I - I- I think - this was -a -good - bad -idea- so I-  
-I - After millennia, I am free! - Freedom isn t happening - You can't contain me, summoner. What s going on - I am the fire that cleanses the world!

I am the spiked spikeapult of death, the extra legendary Memelord Haxlord Satan, and I have the fires of vengeance.

Cool, ok then. Space Cats, come hither

Aye aye, captain, charging up the Ataraxia lazer

"Ready to set the world on fire? Heheheh..."

Doot. The Ataraxia lazer has been fired

"This body is just one of many!"

Roger. Status report.

Some say the world will end in fire."

Just a bunch of empty slogans. Good thing we stopped the memelords sooner rather than later.

"The inferno begins."

Allen the garbage can was rent asunder in the explosion, dealing 1 damage to the space cats. The extra legendary memelord crumbled away, until only a toothpick was left. A wormhole conveniently opened up in space, and the toothpick went to Croix s Pizza Shopeeeee and landed in the middle of Jersh s pink pizza sandwich, which he had happily paid for with his eichbald slaves. Back in the Imperious Imperial Castle, President Bradley elegiacally said,

Jippi Jappa. It s a hat

Meanwhile, Alfred (the trash can) was consumed by the fires of vengeance near Jippi Jappa. May he rest in peace. Alfred, Jersh, Lianne, and anyone they were travelling with stopped by at Pink Pizza, on Planet Pocket, to enjoy some Pink Pizza and Pink Peaches.

End Chapter: Jippi Jappa

Begin Chapter: What in the World is in My Pocket?

Deathraze, Ravager of Echoes, had mysteriously appeared in Jersh s sandwich inside Croix s Pizza Shopeeeee, (now as a toothpick, in case you were confused for some reason). What do you think we should do, Lianne I just want to finish banging my head on the wall. Ok, Alfred, whatchya gonna do? One sec, gotta finish my Pillage the Village battle.

Fine. We need to find the memesceptre. *Banging Intensifies* You can do that, I m an officially depressed person.

In the center of tables at most restaurants, there is a list of deals. Instead of deals, at Croix s Pizza Shopeeeee, the center table featured the following ad:

Tired of Banging Your Head Against the Wall? Hating your Character Development as a Depressed Character? Come play What in the World is in my Pocket? To enter, you need to be lonely space travelers with no idea what to do, and happen to have a toothpick in their sandwich. To gain entrance to the competition, present the toothpick to Sr. Allin, at 211 El Salvador, Pavo, Nueva Mexico, 55326 by Fribbetday, Apbrils 71st. You could win major prizes such as a quest, a monkey, and a map, and a galaxy obliterator, and a milkshake, and 2 undecillion jelly beans.

Made by What in the World is in My Pocket Industries

Jelly Beans .. Jelly Beans . And so with an intense desire for jelly beans, they grabbed the toothpick, and set out for Sr. Allin on Turbysday, Apbrils 69th. Walking across the street, they came across a propaganda poster saying something to the effect of Hi, we hate you guys, so I d appreciate it if you would just die , except that it was in Tuvaluan, the language of the people of Planet Pocket, and the main characters didn t understand it. Across from the building, they

noticed a sticker of chipmunk on the wall, and Alfred was immediately wracked with pain from seeing a chipmunk. 5 steps closer to the building, they noticed another sticker of a chipmunk, Alfred had much difficulty staying alive. 2 more steps, and yep, there was another sticker. Looking forward Alfred only found stickers of chipmunks. The buildings were covered in chipmunks. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Alfred was going insane. As the carrier of the toothpick of ultimate memeness, he was destined to protect it with his life.

Lianne and Jersh, on the other hand, thought he was faking it, and left him alone in a sea of Chipmunk Stickers.

End Chapter: What in the World is in My Pocket?

Begin Chapter: What in the World is in My Pocket? As told by Alfred

Alfred awoke in the street, closed his eyes, and ran forward into the sea of Chipmunk stickers because he could not understand that if he backed up, chose another street, and walked forward again, he would be able to reach his goal. Into the sea of Chipmunk Stickers he swam, until the pain from the chipmunk stickers overwhelmed him. His eyes rolled back from the pain, the searingly intense pain, the pain to end all pains.

It was said that the one who could cross the sea of chipmunk stickers would be the hero who would eventually save the universe. What in the World is in My Pocket Industries, which secretly owned Planet Pocket, used that prophecy to their advantage. In the middle of the sea, they put a trapdoor to capture the hero, and would use him to wage an evil war against the planet 42 FRTYTO 42.

Alfred awoke, staring up at an unfamiliar ceiling. I don t recognize this ceiling , he said, using his great mental capacity to analyze the situation. (The authors shall now stop using quotation marks, after the chapter two chapters ago became too confusing because of it). Good to see you my boy. Father? Yes, it s me son, give me the toothpick, and then we can go back and do normal bonding things. OK, sounds good to me, here s the toothpick. Thank you.

Intense transformation scene follows.

Alfred and the

MWAH HA HAH HAH HA HAH AH HAH. MWAHA HA HAH AH AH HA HAH AH. I shall now be the greatest ruler of planet 41.9 FRTY1PNTO9 41.9 Ever. Flames shrouded Alfred s father and tentacles (there always has to be tentacles) started decomposing the room. Please stop, you re destroying the royal palace. Ah yes, that would be a problem, sorry. Now, it s time to declare war on 42 FRTYTO 42 using my painstaking created game, What in the World is in my Pocket. You, Alfred, have rendered a great service to the state. However, your friends are participating in the game, so I m afraid you can t leave. Here, you can have this nice jail cell, since I m feeling generous. And, I will give you a 60 Samsung Flatscreen 4K TV for your immersive viewing enjoyment. Have a nice day at What in the World is in my Pocket Inc.

Alfred slept through that entire speech. He decided it wasn t important, and he decided that he could use a couple of weeks of sleep, and so he fell asleep.

2 weeks later.

Explodonation Sensation. You have earned a 5x chance on triggering one of the space nukes around planet 42 FRTYTO 42. Lianne look unperturbed. Kill those heretics , she screamed. Oh No, What s This, the heretics turned out to be actual demons.

Alfred decided that he didn t care about it. He wanted to sleep.

Alfred woke up 8 days later. Outside his cell, he could faintly hear Now that I have the toothpick of memeness, I can manipulate space and time at my will. What do you puny space travelers think you can do against me. Nothing Ok then, why do you disobey me? I got bored of What in the World is in my Pocket No, you shall go back and play another game, or else I shall kill your friend. Friend, we don t have any friends. OK, *uses a tentacle to pick Alfred up and repeatedly slam him into the wall of his cell*. Have a nice day

Alfred looked in this pocket, and found a arsenic capsule. Alfred saw a chipmunk stickered to it, got triggered, and fell asleep.

3 days later, Alfred reawoke. Outside his cell, someone talking in Bolded and italicized font was yelling at something. Alfred awakened his long dormant sport powers, and threw the arsenic capsule into that dude s mouth. MMMMMMMMmmm. delish

Alfred looked in this pocket, and found a polonium capsule. Alfred saw a chipmunk stickered to it, got triggered, and fell asleep.

3 days later, Alfred reawoke. Outside his cell, someone talking in Bolded and italicized font was yelling at something. Alfred awakened his long dormant sport powers, and threw the polonium capsule into that dude s mouth. MMMMMMMMmmm. Tasty

3 more days, beryllium capsule.

3 more days, sodium capsule

3 more days, potassium capsule

3 more days, phosphorous capsule

3 more days, milkshake capsule

3 more days, a spare pocket watch

3 more days, a piece of line

3 more days, a pen

3 more days, a human heart

3 more days, a small asteroid

3 more days, a rabbit s foot

3 more days, a space ship

How is all of this fitting in your pocket

3 more days, an elephant

3 more days, a teaspoon of neuton star material

3 more days, a vial of 15M HNO3

Shtap

3 more days, the source code for internet explorer.

Internet explorer has many uses, the chief one is killing government leaders. Most people assume it is only a stupidly designed web browser, but they couldn t be more wrong. It was the attempt of Planet Microsoft (now destroyed by the Space Cats, who you should remember are still a thing and are currently on an inefficient path to planet 42 FRTYTO 42) to gain control of the galaxy through governments that ran Internet Explorer. Its inability to display web pages posed no problem, and in fact, was part of its secret end goal. Only 6 people knew where ultimate power was vested in the galaxy, and it was not the space cats.

Goodbye cruel world. I cannot stand a world that still uses Internet Explorer . And so, internet explorer accomplished another goal.

By which I mean it killed the director.

In case you got confused again for some stupid reason.

Death of the

Alfred quickly fished the key to the jail out of his pocket, grabbed the toothpick memestaff that was lying on the floor where it was left following the death of the company director, grabbed Lianne and Jersh from the clutches of What in the World is in My Pocket, grabbed the prize package from the counter it sat on, grabbed a spare spaceship with 41.9 FRTY1PNTO9 41.9 stenciled on the side. 41.9 FRTY1PNTO9 41.9 declared war on 42 FRTYTO 42, but it didn t concern the main characters. They flew out into outer space, with some grand adventure waiting for them.

(For those who are curious (Jeff, that means you), What in the World is in My Pocket Industries had secretly bought the planet 41.9 FRTY1PNTO9 41.9 from its previous sultanate only a few months before it became plot-relevant, so they had not yet had time to repaint the names on all

of the ships or retrain the locals to accept the name change. That is the very intentional reason for this non-mistake that didn t happen)

End Chapter: What in the World is in My Pocket? As told by Alfred

Begin Chapter: What in the World is in My Pocket? As told by Lianne and Jersh

Today. Was the Day. That Lianne and Jersh played What in the World is in My Pocket?

Welcome contestants to What in the World is in My Pocket? (Camera does Danganronpa spinning thing around the contestants). The rules of the game are simple. Guess What s in my pocket. And try not to die. All 16 contestants will be staying in the building, The Pit of Desphair. Time for round 1!

Lianne awoke inside a strangely lit, musical room. On her desk, she noticed a small pad, giving a map of the building, and several important notices. Most importantly, it said PANIC! on the cover. Lianne panicked. After calming down, she finished her 32nd bite of turtle sundae and walked out into the hall. She then looked at a random mirror and saw that her slime body had been shoved into a pink rubber replica of her old body, and that the artist had drawn her old armor from way back in Act I on top of it. She then finished her sundae and looked at not that mirror.

Security cameras were everywhere, as well as strange holes in the ceiling, where it would be easy to hide many poisoned spikes. There were, however, no poisoned spikes in them because of budget cuts to the Poisoned Spike Department. Lianne meandered meaninglessly through the halls, until she came across a room with lots of people in it. Lianne entered the room and sat down next to Houhouin Kyouma, the legendary mad scientist. 2 hours passed uneventfully, until Jersh stumbled into the room, heavily bleeding.

Jersh gets

Help! , said Jersh. Lianne, looking at her device, saw the word PANIC! and panicked. Someone got stabbed down the hallway, and I was suddenly knifed. 11 people were in the room with lots of people in it, Jersh was in the hallway, and four people were missing. Hakaze Kusaribe was found easily, lying in a pool of her own blood, with a knife strangely protruding from her head, in the middle of the hallway.

Attention: In one day you will be holding a trial to determine the killer. If you catch the criminal, you win! If you don t, everyone has to play What in the World is in My Pocket?

It has to be Jersh , said Jeremiah Gottwald. Everyone else agreed, and went back to extreme boredom.

*Intense Dramatic Background Music begins playing

Everyone gathered in the room with lots of people.

Let the games begin!

Who thinks Jersh killed the person? Asked Houhouin Kyouma.

Everyone raised their hands.

Well, that settles it

And you are Wrong!

Welcome to What in the World is in My Pocket?, the game show where people get exploded for no reason at all. If you get a question wrong, I detonate a nuke that I secretly placed on planet 42 FRTYTO 42. If you get a question right, you die. Ready?

Houhouin Kyouma, the legendary mad scientist, you are first

OK

It s spring. Dandelions are puffing, fish are jumping, and a giant volcano is erupting. You, a paladin, have a freeze-ray. What do you do?

Go north.

You go North. You encounter Greenland, a land of freezing Ice and Snow and solitude. 2 days pass. The volcano has destroyed spring. What do you do?

I begin using electrolysis to separate the water into Hydrogen and Oxygen to create fuel for my rocket

Oh No! What s This! Cracks are appearing in the Ice. Greenland is falling apart!

I dive into the sea.

*Boom* You have nuked planet 42 FRTYTO 42

On to our next contestant, Tokiomi Tohsaka, the legendary Mage.

You enter a world of rainbows and unicorns. Oh No! What s This! A balrog has appeared

I use my mag

*Gets shot in the head

On to our next contestant, Shun Moritsuka, the legendary detective.

You appear on a mountain with two sticks of butter, a sniper rifle, and a dead body. A storm is coming, and you are isolated on a cliff face

I jump off the cliff

You jump off the cliff, and land in a puddle of cotton candy. Cotton Candy grows tentacles and enters into your brain

I shoot myself

Before you do that, the Cotton Candy cuts your hand off at the wrist

I start eating the cotton candy

Oh No! What s This! A horde of mosquitoes is coming, and the ground has turned to lava.

I die

You die. You materialize on an empty plane, devoid except for a pile of Legos.

I climb the pile of Legos

Oh No! What s This! The pile of Lego s has dissolved into 15 M HNO3 and quicksand.

I begin to

*Boom* You have nuked planet 42 FRTYTO 42

Our next contestant, Jeremiah Gottwald, the legendary Squire.

You awaken in a desert surrounded by cacti, cactuses, and cactopuses. The sand is strangely transparent, and you can see tormented souls beneath you.

Their pain means nothing to me. They deserve to suffer.

The cactopuses converge on you. Do you go right, go south, or go up?

I go up.

The sky has no Oxygen, and only liquid Nitrogen. Do you eat a banana, climb a telephone pole, or get into your mecha suit?

I get into my mecha suit.

You get into your mecha suit, but its constricting you, its collapsing on you, its killing you. What do you do?

I leave the mecha suit, and step out onto Mars.

You arrive on Mars, and are given a choice of books to read. Do you read The RRRRoad, Anna Karenenenenenenina, or The Lords of Disciplinine.?

I read The Hitchhiker s Guide to the Galaxy.

Oh No! What s This! A Vogon begins to read you poetry. Do you shoot him, take over the government, or serve him loyally until the end of your days.

I shall serve him with all my heart.

You are trapped in a dead end, lifeless job.

*Boom* You have nuked planet 42 FRTYTO 42

Our Next contestant, Lianne the legendary Reincarnator.

You are trapped on a planet with many heretics, and a regime change has recently occurred

The new regime is a heretical anarcho-communist. Kill their families

Oh No! What s This! Explodonation Sensation. You have earned a 5x chance on triggering one of the space nukes around planet 42 FRTYTO 42.

Kill those heretics!

Oh No, What s This, the heretics turned out to be actual demons.

Kill the demons!

Oh no, What s This! The demons are actually cute little cats.

Kill the cats!

Then you deserve to die

*Boom* You have nuked planet 42 FRTYTO 42

Oops, I may have accidentally triggered all the nukes. Please wait while I install some more nukes. Tokiomi Tohsaka and Hakaze Kusaribe are dead. Have a nice day!

Outside the building:

How dare you end our sultanate How dare you nuke 42 FRTYTO 42 Bring Back . .. ... ... ... .. ... ... ... .. ... ... ...

Oh dear, I see the protests are growing.

That s Ok, this is just the beginning of the most despair-inducing incident in the history of the world.

Yes, but first, we must kill all the contestants, especially Lianne.

Inside the building, a few days/weeks later:

Oh dear, I think I ve been stabbed , said Jersh. Jersh had indeed been stabbed. Again. This killer really has it out for me.

Attention peoples, a body has been found in the gym. You have one day to investigate the killer. Good luck Jersh was not the killer, yet everyone else thought he was and so they didn t bother to looking for evidence.

*Intense Dramatic Background Music begins playing

Everyone gathered in the room with lots of people.

Let the games begin!

Who thinks Jersh killed the person? Asked Hohenheim the legendary immortal.

Everyone raised their hands.

Well, that settles it

And you are Wrong!

Welcome to What in the World is in My Pocket?, the game show where people get exploded for no reason at all. If you get a question wrong, I detonate a nuke that I secretly placed on planet 42 FRTYTO 42. If you get a question right, you die. Ready?

First, Jersh, the legendary idiot.

What is 2+2?

4

*Boom* You have nuked planet 42 FRTYTO 42. Boom, boom boom, BOOM.

Jeremiah Gottwald, you are next.

Your lord and savior King Charles VI is a great leader. You have served him diligently, and are waiting for him to finish hunting his subjects. Do you wait, join in the hunt, or kill your leader?

I would never kill my leader, so I shall wait

King Charles VI rides up behind you. What do you do?

I stand up and greet him properly.

Oh No! What s This! King Charles VI has chopped off your head. Your head topples to the floor expressionless.

*Gets shot in the head

Jonathen Harvay, the legendary meme poacher, appears holding his meme ray. He stabs everyone in the scene at this moment as i havent taken the time to actually read what is happening around this person at the moment. Anyway, things begin happening. Jonathen tries to stop the things but I won't bore you with the details. After things were happened Jonathen ate all the dead bodies that might include one of the main characters but we can t be sure because they were never fully described so we don t know what they look like. The artist of the pictures is asked to come identify the bodies because at this point he really is the only one that has a visual of what s happening. The authors say, none of these are the people we actually care about. You can destroy these bodies. So that s what the intergalactic police did and then more things of undescribed nature began happening. Somewhere something happened, i don't know. They other authors didn t give me omniscient powers but i m pretty sure Jonathen is still killing people. Oh, Alfred started to play a minigame of What in the World is in my Pocket. Wait, Alfred is doing something else? Ok, so I guess Jersh is playing this game that i created many years ago and at the time I still didn t know what it was about. Anyway So the first question is North Korea elects a new president, Rocket Man. Kim Jung-Un claims this to be him but the people say no, it is actually the guy named Rocket Man. What do you do? Do you A. Nuke North Korea

B. Eat North Korean food

C. Kill Donald Trump and take his soul and sacrifice it to the Gods of Discipline.

D. Do nothing and watch as the world burns around you.

Send you answer to 4720 W 159th Terrace Stilwell, KS, 66085. Seriously do it. Do it. Did you do it? Like this video to lock in your number. If i guess you number correct you have to share this video with all your friends. Ok? Promise? Your number was 42. See, I told you. Share this video with all you friends. I got you. Be honest.

*At this time, AJ was tazed and bludgeoned to the point of unconsciousness, dragged away from the computer, and made to sit in the corner until he felt bad about hijacking the story

Anyway, now everyone was dead except for Lianne and Jersh, who were protected from their stab wounds by the plot armor they had been wearing under their skins. Lianne thus recovered instantly, while Jersh, who had put his plot armor on incorrectly, was alive but continuously screaming in agony.

The Director was also still alive, having used the meme-staff toothpick to kill Jonathen. He was also angry now because his game had been ruined and also it turns out those nukes had hit Planet Pocket s moon rather than 42 FRTYTO 42, and now the populace was even more angry because they had liked that moon.

But then Alfred, who had been sitting totally triggered in his cell a few feet away this whole time, became un-triggered and threw the source code for Internet Explorer at the director, killing him as described and (beautifully) illustrated above. The rest is very recent history.

End Chapter: What in the World is in My Pocket? As told by Lianne and Jersh

Begin Chapter: the most despair-inducing incident in the history of the world

The people of Planet Pocket were very angry, and they were starting to riot in the streets out of anger at the thing that was making them angry. With the Director dead, the old Sultan of 41.9 FRTY1PNTO9 41.9 stepped in, starting an epic civil war to throw out the foreign oppressors of their planet and save the people. Future authors would write great novels about this war to bore the students of future classrooms. But, since we are not great authors and I have a burrito in the microwave, we ll just sum it up quick.

The sultan rallied all of the people except Imir (because screw Imir, no one likes him)

They waged many battles against the armies and accountant-soldiers of What in the World is in My Pocket? Inc.

Eventually, the employees of What in the World is in My Pocket? Inc. realized that with the director dead, they wouldn t be paid, so they just left.

Then, a completely unrelated asteroid made of avocado pits slammed into 41.9 FRTY1PNTO9 41.9, just as the Pocket employees were leaving, killing all of them instantly and detonating the undetonated space nukes, eradicating even the rubble of the planet.

The people of 42 FRTYTO 42 looked at this with their telescopes and were confused, then jubilant at the deaths of their enemies.

Oh, my burrito s done. It has beans in it! BEANS!

End Chapter: the most despair-inducing incident in the history of the world

Begin Chapter: Wrapping up Act II

There are currently very few things left in the universe, which makes this summary easier than normal (side note; you know a story is of quality when outright summarizing what just happened is required on an increasingly frequent basis)

Allen the Garbage Can, the Director (and all of the employees) of What in the World is in My Pocket? Industries, and the Priests of Character Development are dead, so the space cats are the only villains left in the universe (for now).

The Space Cats, with Jersh 2.0 as their supreme leader, are currently halfway to 42 FRTYTO 42, where they will fight a final battle against the entire remaining universe.

Senor Allin is in an unknown location, preparing to appear dramatically in Act III

Nithinieal Prius, the remains of Alfred s Milkshake Company, the last dregs of the Great Imperious Neo-Russian Empire, the Robot Dog-husky(Alfred Omega(7th edition(MK II))), 42 FRTYTO 42 s rebuilt space boat fleet (of which Lianne is still a captain, if you remember), Ben Kinobi, refugees from 41.9 FRTY1PNTO9 41.9, the Starship CFP This Is Not A Nuke, Donald Trump, and the authors of the story have all gathered on 42 FRTYTO 42 to create a final army to destroy the space cats.

Josh, the Ultimate Potato, is busy watching Re:Creators, out floating in space.

Allies

Every Star other than 42 FRTYTO 42 s had been destroyed.

The former Cubist Dimension ran into an interdimensional iceberg and implexploded, erasing all of its inhabitants from existence and removing it from future plot points.

The authors looted the story, and found An Armament of Deadly Sin (Lype Katarripsi) sitting unused in the dregs of the plot. They held onto it, in case it became plot-  
relevant again.

Alfred, Lianne, and Jersh are aboard a 41.9 FRTY1PNTO9 41.9 spaceship (which they ve since renamed the S.S Plot Mover (this is probably commercial fiction by now, sorry AP Lit teacher)), flying to a swarm of asteroids said to contain the Power-Up Montage Masters, who would power them up to fight the Space Cats.

The authors, now in a cafe on 42 FRTYTO 42, ordered various pastries.

End Chapter: Wrapping up Act II

End Act II: Where did all the stars go?

Intermission: More Bad Ideas

Jersh the Undersea Robot of Doom

*Jersh begins to transform into a robot*

YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Robots don t work to well undersea.

Water game 2k19.

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Waterproof robots work much better.

Jersh began to walk to the Biblioteca de Libros Horbiles which was located in Furnace Creek, the Atlantic Ocean, -26522. His mission: to destroy the worst literature produced in all of human history. Such notable works include: Flattened Fauna, The Communist Manifesto, 107 Things With Strings, How to Cook an Octopus on a Spit (not available in all languages, time periods, or countries)

Jersh sauntered into the Biblioteca and began to peruse the titles, after all, it is better to know what you will destroy.

Hmmmmm, this book looks ridiculous.

Piper Dove is a woman with a dream to become the best detective in the city of Chicago. First job? Trail former Chicago Stars quarterback, Cooper Graham. The problem? Graham s spotted her, and he s not happy. Which is why a great detective needs a first rate imagination. The fact is . . . I m your stalker. Not full-out barmy. Just . . . mildly unhinged. Piper soon finds herself working for Graham himself, although not as the bodyguard he refuses to admit he so desperately needs. Instead, he s hired her to keep an eye on the employees at his exclusive new nightclub. But Coop s life might be in danger, and Piper s determined to protect him, whether he wants it or not. (Hint: Not!) If only she weren t also dealing with a bevy of Middle Eastern princesses, a Pakistani servant girl yearning for freedom, a teenager who just wants to fit in, and an elderly neighbor demanding that Piper find her very dead then there s Cooper Graham, a legendary sports hero who always gets what he wants even if what he wants just might be an intrepid detective hell bent on proving she s as tough as he is.

Nah, I m going to try a different, spicier, book.

It s not easy being famous when your life is falling apart Georgie York has been dumped by her movie star husband, her own film career is tanking, and her public image as a spunky romantic heroine is taking a serious beating.

What should a down-on-her-luck actress do? NOT go to Vegas NOT run into her detestable former co-star dreamboat-from-hell Bramwell Shepard and NOT get caught up in a ridiculous incident that leads to a calamitous elopement. Before she knows it, Georgie has a fake marriage, fake husband, and maybe (or not) a fake sex life.

It s a paparazzi free-for-all, and Georgie s non-supporting cast doesn t help. There s Bram s punk-nightmare housekeeper; Georgie s pushy parent; a suck-up agent; an icy studio head; and her ex-husband s new wife, an international do-gooder who just might win the stupid Nobel Peace Prize!

As for Georgie s leading man Bram, with his angel blue eyes and twisted black heart, has never cared about anyone but himself. Still, he s giving the performance of his life as man in love thanks to the half a million dollars she s paying him. It was official. She d married the devil. Or had she?

Sugar Beth Carey, the one-time wild child of Parrish, Mississippi, returns home to face a slew of old enemies lining up to get even. Worst of all is Colin Byrne, the man whose career Sugar Beth destroyed. Now he s a famous novelist living in Sugar Beth s old mansion, and he s using his writer s imagination to figure out how to bring the town s former princess to her knees.

This author has some of the worst book summaries I ve seen. How people could even read this is atrocious. Burn it all down!

Fire doesn t work too well under water.

Explodonate it!

Shock waves did nothing.

Fine. I shall tear it apart myself piece by piece.

45 hours later ..

Finally, all of those terrible books have been removed from the world.

Except this one, which you are currently reading.

Leaving the Biblioteca behind, Jersh set off to encounter a world of adventure and pain, as he set off to become a knighto.

Moving two steps forward and one to the side, Jersh began his new adventure into the world of teh brainz.

Act III: Only 6 People Know Where Ultimate Power is Vested in the Galaxy

Begin Chapter: I have a prophecy. You have a prophecy. Everyone has a prophecy!

Aboard the S. S. Plot Mover, Alfred opened the Box O Prophecy 5000. Inside it was written:

-jssfnQ tL ty jmy intwjyxF kt ,xxjspszuwjgdH yjl f qfhnltqtng stufjb ,(unsyfh) f jhfux ,jpzs isf f .wjyzurth -  
mxwjO ,tL jrthjg ,wjlstwyx tl ty jmy intwjyxf .tiJ -ijwkqF ynX isztwf isf ti lsnmyts isf btmjrtx jwnzvhf f fmhjr ynzx sn jmy intwjyxf kt .fmhjRfmhjRfmhjR ,tL jg ,jjwk qqnkqzk jmy .dhjmutwu

(Readers, good luck solving the prophecy)

Alfred began banging his head on the wall due to all the uselessness contained in the Box O Prophecy 5000.

Jersh felt suddenly compelled, as if by fate, to send the S. S. Plot Mover through the time-  
slowing field around the asteroids.

Within this time-slowing field, time moved more slowly, meaning that they could spend more time in the asteroid field without jeopardizing the plot.

Outside the S. S. Plot Mover, Alfred saw the following sign:

J2xrxB47oJcZvcLolWPMjy05aGrFAR6iDWcrzjH4j4RrtrWk94AvdcpXW9QQof2X9P2mjnj4G7mHYlP_7SHqeRupnGbtSaj2sn9-5PUCBd6Yw3KHujKIHGGJfJl2UtOyrz20VqP8 Alfred believed that the sign did not apply to him, nor did he realize he was entering into the area controlled by Patrulla Fronteriza, the border control. The Patrulla Fronteriza protect their worthless desert asteroid from all who seek to go to a desert asteroid, which in the last 10 years has been Bob, and Nithinieal Prius, until now. The number of border control guards they have is inversely proportional (ty physics) to the number of people who actually wanted to visit the planet. So, most of the time they thought up new and original border control memes, such as this one:

ocToxEdpYQhMNgwpe21PVhqEOKaxibOLhGPJ7IWDxsi79L81FN67idYu6Q85G_KTaDbWWcQRk1uNpcvMGDi1ElMDUOINFDc1sLgVbfIsphPui7WF-snAt9PI0BhPs4I2y94tsdMm Back on the S. S. Plot Mover, Jersh, manning communications with squids, noticed an incoming transmission on all the frequencies. On screen

dC9jF7bwJDv3vcAjtrvZTVQy_lsdHOcVtpg4i7Yja4rKxdJBHH-VYv-b7gZfKzPZ58yr8445FTdlTPI26-l9H4WXOKuV9y932Byi859Bj-YE_zgAFnvHkT_zyUDR8BxtWkkmTRxz

Alfred mentally shut down after seeing the stupidness of the memes that Patrulla Fronteriza had decided to produce. Captain, another transmission . You will be assimilated. Have a nice day :)))))))) Who cares, the S. S. Plot Mover will move us forward into the plot, regardless of external circumstances. Outside, they saw many galactic billboards filled with memes such as:

K-k1g4NeZad-oxmbffTVcCkr7WdD4rZ5YuZHKUtka7kl_VdYaMo7NObyMcTlpQ9nZ8veiOM2E8E9HKv4MHklyjlBM4Wmg0_gcOQ2vDlWdV3apLaPaY_ONffmdK4IMmSj94Iba5Cr

Which were created at 7:32 last night during a robotics meeting using people unfamiliar with photoshop. Engage

Captain, a ship has been sighted heading toward us Ok, Engage

But they have all the weapons Engage

Engaging Engage

The ship slowly drew its Silver Dubkix, The Projector of Fears. The S. S. Plot Mover was lit up with bright lights, and the fateful image of

8l5M8-EH0t9skYf3apVWdyz0ztWqBa6c2RIf1m9ioKH6TntgPpS0MG2tx2ai-hTKSteWCV0OHJ7Fmxv5fp3nSMKZLyy0o-9OtcSI8w9sY_rCPXskqiGGQv_BRXdGAN6tZdZmudAV was burned into Alfred and Jersh s retinas forever and ever. Engage The other ship, fearful of the engage, ran away away, it really ran away. W miles outside Patrulla Fronteriza, they saw a new and dangerous sign warning them not to come any closer to Patrulla Fronteriza.

g_XyokHwRs4etXQln7A59s5GW-l9Fs0tc0mZb-BSByAmEXmFtSs8j2KUuOZQ2lZvPvR8-n7PzujhuICUP1hMnfa8N_NIsYcgTUvKYTIiVMzO9GdJSUzi2dZw8VAOCuufM5W88Q46

*Wrrrrrrraaaaaa *Wrrrrrrraaaaaa *Wrrrrrrraaaaaa Intruders on board. *Wrrrrrrraaaaaa *Wrrrrrrraaaaaa *Wrrrrrrraaaaaa Intruders on board. *Wrrrrrrraaaaaa *Wrrrrrrraaaaaa *Wrrrrrrraaaaaa Intruders on board. *Wrrrrrrraaaaaa *Wrrrrrrraaaaaa *Wrrrrrrraaaaaa

Intruders on board.

Alfred, Jersh, and Lianne, you are under arrest for trespassing into Patrulla Fronteriza territory. Violators will be Persecuted.

Engage

Alfred, still spasming from the stupid memes, was forcibly dragged to Asteroid MechaMechaMecha. Jersh, sleeping through whatever was happening, was sent to Edo to atone for his whatever he did. Lianne was sent to the land of Cyberpunkness, realizing that this was the will of the plot.

End Chapter: I have a prophecy. You have a prophecy. Everyone has a prophecy!

Begin Chapter: The Tale of Sir Lianne

So, each of the knights went their separate ways. Sir Lianne rode north, through the cyber forest of Ewing, accompanied by her favorite minstrels.

Bravely rode Sir Lianne, rode forth from Plot Mover. She is just awaiting death, O brave Sir Lianne. She was very much afraid to be killed in nasty ways, Brave, brave, brave, brave Sir Lianne!

She was not in the least bit scared to be mashed into a pulp, Or to have her head chopped off and her innards gutted, To have her arm sliced off and her body burned away And her limbs all hacked and mangled, brave Sir Lianne!

Her head smashed in and her pancreas slashed And her blood drained out and her stomach unplugged And her nostrils on fire and her bottom burned off.

ENOUGH!

Halt! Who comes here?

It is I, Lianne, Knight of Alfred and Jersh.

*uses her sword to slice off their heads

Lianne Decapitates some

(Author s Note: Monologues before action scenes are stupid and should be removed)

Lianne walked onwards, her minstrel (who had been describing her oh so heroically before) succumbing to a suspicious case of influenza and dying painfully. She left the Forest of Ewing and arrived at the Castle of the Wizards of the Secrets of the Universe. They agreed to teach her the techniques that would make defeating the Space Cats even remotely possible. But in exchange, she had to overcome three trials for them. Lianne agreed, feeling the powers of protagonist-dom coursing through her, giving her the power to defeat this most ancient of cliches.

Her first task was to go back into the Forest of Ewing and kill the horrendously annoying knights who kept asking the wizards for shrubberies. She did. It wasn t very difficult. Their only means of attack had apparently been to repeat a single noise annoyingly. Lianne, possessing all of the common sense left in the universe (which wasn t much, as the Neo-Russian Empire had periodically tried powering its spaceships on common sense, and had used up the entire

universe s supply in about a week and a half), had not been bothered by this annoying tactic and had simply hit them with her sword until they were dead.

Lianne s second task was to clean out the stables of the Wizards prized cattle in an hour. The Wizards were surprisingly lazy, and had never used their magic to ever do this. Lianne racked her brain for a few minutes, then came up with the genius strategy of just setting the whole field on fire with napalm, then using a mini-space nuke to blow up a dam, redirecting a river to put out the fire and remove the burnt remains, destroying the asteroid s ecosystem in the process.

Lianne s final task was to get to a nearby asteroid and retrieve the ultimate weapon, a second copy of the source code for Internet Explorer. The wizards did not give Lianne a spaceship or other means of space travel, however. So she decided to travel back through the Forest of Ewing, ending up in York New City, the town for which this asteroid was named. Here, she stole a shiny new spaceship from an affluent middle-class family. She did not need to face the consequences of this crime, however, as the family instead assumed their immigrant housemaid had done it and had the city government arrest her, setting off years of racial and ethnic tensions ending in a triumphant yet bittersweet ceremony where the asteroid s first civil rights law was signed, in a meager attempt to atone for years of violence and hatred (we can haz topical). Again, Lianne didn t care.

OUR HERO, EVERYBODY!

She flew the spaceship to the nearby asteroid, discernable by the fact that it was an unsettling Internet-Explorer blue. Lianne landed when out from a cave popped Mozilla, the Firefox of DOOM. It had spent decades on this asteroid hiding from the Google Empire (now destroyed by the space cats) while simultaneously hunting the source code for Internet Explorer, which was surprisingly hard to kill. Now, the ravenous search engine (which also happened to be a twenty-foot long fox monster constantly on fire) tried to eat Lianne. Lianne heroically ran away from the giant monster, distracting it with the head of one of those annoying

knights from earlier. She ran into the spaceship and grabbed her sword, 17 lazer-pikes, a crowbar with a flamethrower on it, and her space-nuke launcher.

Lianne vs

Mozilla returned, now with cool-looking blood around its mouth from eating that head. Lianne opened the battle by firing her space-nuke launcher at the firefox. However, it turns out she had used her last space-nuke on that dam two paragraphs ago, so the launcher was actually useless. The fox responded to this failure by shooting 26 fireballs at Lianne. She used her sword to cut all the fireballs apart like an anime character. Unfortunately, fireballs, when cut in half, just make two smaller fireballs heading in the same direction, so Lianne was thrown back by 52 slightly smaller fireballs.

Her metal knight armor melted away, but her plot armor held, keeping her from any damage other than some ash and little black #s all over her body, as if being set on fire would just do that or something. Lianne began throwing lazer-pikes at Mozilla, and she was actually pretty good at it. She only hit it once, but it s the effort that counts, right?

Lianne had only one lazer-pike left, but now she had a plan. She pointed her pike at the author, wait, WHAT?

Just kill that thing already so we can get on with the plot! Lianne yelled, looking very fat and ug Heroic...

Hey!

Fine

Thank you, now kill the thing

Okay, whatever

And then another, smaller asteroid came and Deus-Ex-Machina d Mozilla to death. Lianne s pike also broke. And she fell in a puddle and was very sad about it.

$#%^ you

Note taken, now, back to your stupid plot.

Lianne got up and walked over to the source code for Internet Explorer. She picked up a cheap laptop from the back seat of the spaceship and downloaded it onto it. The other programs on the laptop deleted themselves out of shame when Internet Explorer joined them, but the deed was done anyway. Lianne flew straight back to the castle of the Wizards.

The wizards were extremely surprised that she d succeeded, since every intern they d sent up there for the past 1000 years to retrieve Internet Explorer had either died or left to go work at Google. For her success, the Wizards of the Secrets of the Universe allowed her to pick from one of their three sacred treasures; the ultimate Computer of Magical Computing, a Fistful of Magic Catnip, and their Magical Tote Bag full of Infinite Space Nukes. Lianne thought long and hard for the next 0.7 minutes before taking all three sacred treasures and just walking out of the castle because the wizards, it turned out, were really just a bunch of lazy bums in a castle who couldn t be bothered to stop her.

Lianne flew her spaceship back to the city, ignoring the race riots below, and parked at a military space-zeppelin hangar. From here, she stole a large space-zeppelin full of weapons and flew away from the asteroid, eventually arriving at the immigration checkpoint for this asteroid field. Here, she would wait for Alfred and Jersh to finish their adventures.

Whenever I get around to that.

End Chapter: The Tale of Sir Lianne

Begin Chapter: The Tale of Sir Jersh

Jersh was brought to Edo, the forested asteroid of atonement (formerly a moon of atonement). This asteroid was ruled by the Priests of Character Empowerment, a less-evil schism group of the Priests of Character Development, now excommunicated by the ghosts of the PoCD. They believed that developing characters was unnecessary, that all you needed was to progressively make them more powerful without giving them a real personality.

Jersh was the prime exemplar of this philosophy; he had no personality whatsoever, and could very easily undergo the excruciatingly painful POWER-UP SEQUENCE of DOOOOOOM.

Jersh, lacking any real agency in this story, was made to undergo the process.

Did he want to?

How does he feel about it?

WHO CARES?! Montage Time!

Warning: Anime references incoming, if you don t like Anime, skip the next two pages

You won t miss much anyway

The Preists of Characeter Empowerment weren t bothered with a lazy dude like Jersh, so they sent him to Yorozuya Shin-chan.

[Temee Raaaa! Soredemo Gintama Tsuiten no Kaaaa! Begins playing in background]

Long ago, this nation was known as the land of the samurai. The dream-filled Edo skies, upon which the samurai once gazed, are now filled with the ships of the Space Cats, beings that suddenly invaded and rose to power. And now these arrogant aliens walk the streets of the city. The samurai have lost their swords, status, and even their honor

Shinpachi: Welcome to Yorozuya Shin-chan. What do you want?

Jersh: I want to become stronger.

Shinpachi: Gin-san, you got this one.

Time passes

Gin: Alright, I want you to go to the store, buy the nice red book with JUMP on the cover and return.

Shinpachi: That s not training! That s just you trying to get a free JUMP. You should really actually bother to go and train him

Gin: It was 15 years ago, before the wars against the Space Cats. I was at Temple School with Shouyou-sensei, and we had just gotten back from learning about classic literature. I was about to fight for the 98th time against Shinsuke, and after beating him for the 98th time, I learned that I simply happened to be the best swordsman ever. Shinsuke just left, and never came back again, ashamed even to face me in combat.

Shinpachi: Not Helping!

Gin: Fine. I want you to find the best Sokunbu in Edo.

Shinpachi: That s just finding food for Kagura, that s not helping

Gin: Hmmmmmmm, how about you take this Justaway to Baka-Ouji.

Shinpachi: You can t just have him be your personal bomb delivery service. Go to the Shinsengumi, they can help you train.

Gin: No, really, really. Alright, if you can steal all the mayonnaise from Toshi without being caught

But Jersh had already left these strange people.

At the Shinsengumi

Kondo: Yo, welcome to the Shinsengumi. You can work with Okita Sogou. Oh hey Toshi, how s it going. Sogou launches a rocket at them.

Toshi: What did you do that for?

Sougo: I missed. I was aiming for that intruder.

Jersh: Shinnyu sha ja nai. Jersh da. (I m not an intruder, I m Jersh.)

Sougo: Katsura, is that you?

Jersh: Katsura ja nai. Jersh da.

Toshi: What have you done with Katsura? Kill this imposter!

Shinsengumi: Charge!

Jersh ran north, north, east, into a house, down the stairs, and killed a grue. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! The shinsengumi began to shoot rockets at him, always exploding near him. After Jersh rounded a corner, her saw Toshi waiting for him, chugging a bottle of mayonnaise. [Dramatic music began playing] Jersh saw a sword spiraling through the air, and in his attempt to catch it, the sword cut through the plot armor on his arm. Life lesson: Never catch a flying sword. Bleeding out from his now injured right arm, Jersh began preparing for battle by running away. Kondo, the Mimawarigumi have been spotted running toward Katsura. Fire! Send Okita to deal with the Mimawarigumi. The death of Jersh must be from our hand alone.

This is Ketsuno Ana reporting: Explosions are rocking Edo after the escape of Katsura, alias Jersh, from the Shinsengumi maximum security compound. The terrorist will be caught promptly. Have a nice day.

Jersh, running from the Shinesengumi and the Mimawarigumi discovered the secret to success. He must become a samurai.

Years of intense training passed, as the author didn t want to anger any more anime fans with their poorly written fan fiction.

To become a samurai, Jersh changed his name to Jiro Ieyoshi so he could become a proper samurai. After years of carefully laying traps around the Shinsengumi, he was ready for the day that he would steal Toshi s beloved mayonnaise, and all the mayonnaise in Edo.

Jersh, now mostly a samurai, created (copied off of Google) a plan to steal all of the mayonnaise; just hire some ninjas to do it.

And so he did.

And so they stole it.

And so there was an anticlimax.

So now Jersh (Jiro Ieyoshi) is a samurai.

Yay

Jersh

Now Jersh came to the Priests of Character Empowerment with his oily condiment prize. They were very happy, Jersh being the first time they had ever successfully empowered a character without inadvertently giving them a personality. They were so excited, they agreed to make him a sword to match his new anime samurai powers.

The sword looked like a normal katana, except it was magic somehow. Also, for 6.3 easy payments of $29.57, Jersh would be able to download the 17 DLC packages ($467.34 each), which would allow the sword to grow to half the size of the universe for a short time, before

exploding and becoming useless (EXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX-CALIBER). Jersh said he would keep this DLC in mind, and so he took his magic sword and left. He took a space-taxi to the asteroid belt s immigration checkpoint, where Lianne had been sitting for 3 years now; and Alfred for 2 years, 11 months, and 29 days.

(Lianne had started a successful catnip farm in the dirt behind the checkpoint, and now she had way more catnip. She had also built herself some new, improved armor and learned how to fly her space-zeppelin. And she d learned to knit in her spare time. She was very bored)

End Chapter: The Tale of Sir Jersh

Begin Chapter: The Final Battle Begins

Our heros boarded the space-zeppelin and began their trip across the

Oh, wait, we forgot about Alfred.

One sec

End Chapter: The Final Battle Begins

Begin Chapter: The Tale of Sir Alfred

Alfred was arrested by the Asteroid Immigration Department and brought to their space-base. The two guards guarding him left for ten minutes to go make out behind a vending machine, and Alfred wandered off. He was so dumb and had so little agency, the guards to the giant mecha storage hanger felt sorry for him and didn t stop him as he walked right in.

Alfred climbed up a giant mecha robot about the size of 3.6 school busses, and got in the cockpit. He then pressed buttons until the mecha flew through the roof.

He flew this mecha through space, being drawn to the checkpoint by the power of the Plot-  
Shaped Thing. However, the guards realized the mecha was gone, and flew after him in 3 mechas 20 times bigger than his (about the size of asteroids). Fortunately for Alfred, the Plot-  
Shaped Thing intervened, destroying two of the mechas with the Asteroid of Internet Explorer (recently vacated by its namesake and by Lianne).

The third mecha drew closer.

Alfred left his mecha, and floated over to the cockpit of the larger one.

He opened the door and ate the pilot.

Now Alfred had a bigger mecha.

He tried to fly to the immigration checkpoint, but the Plot-Shaped Thing was tired and so Alfred got lost for a week until he arrived there by non-plot-related luck.

There, now they re all there, and we can get on with it.

End Chapter: The Tale of Sir Alfred

Begin Chapter: The Final Battle Begins (for real this time)

At the same time that Jersh finally showed up at the immigration checkpoint, the Space Cats had arrived at the 42FRTYTO42 system, and the final battle for the fate of the universe had begun.

The Space Cats army consisted of all their best warriors: the leader, Jersh 2.0; their 4 Insane Generals, Ribganm The Draco-enchanted Of Shepenford Mountain Senahafar; Gorbach The Eye-painted Of Smellslot; Dugbhut The Night-walker Of Axechester; and Wailing Wind; and their 17 legendary squadron leaders, Baradel, Caradel, Daradel, Faradel, Garadel, Haradel, Jaradel, Karadel, Maradel, Naradel, Paradel, Raradel, Saradel, Taradel, Varadel, Xaradel, and Zaradel.

By random happenchance, the space cats had troops: The "Storm Thunders" - Space Cats, riding pegasi, armed with maces and spears, The "Wyvern Axes" - Space Cats, riding wyverns, armed with axes and spears, The "Cleaving Siegers" - Space Cats using spells to fly and breathe space, armed with halberds and spears, as well as 2000000 foot soldiers, 190000 combat pilots, 40000 technicians, 30000 mages, 10000 healers.

After a dramatic reorganization after the battle of Gazorpazorp, the Space Cat weapons were renamed as follows: the MEGA GIGA STAR DESTROYERS were renamed to Command: Dissonance, the GALAXY OBLITERATORS (alas, the best name was changed) were renamed Command: Shockwave Ultimate Damage weapons, and 2 FOOD TRUCKS, were renamed Command: Transcendent (because food transcends time and space). In a stunning turn of events, the space cats had weapons: 20000009 Guy and Fieri remote drone missiles, 15000 Spice and Wolf class spaceships, 19090943 Stabby Stabby Pokey Poke space lances, 30900 Scam and Spice shields, 5000 Mecha Gundam Evangelion Knightmare Vogelchevalier Mechas, 200 Command: Dissonance Space Cruisers, 15 Command: Protect Space Juggernauts, 5 Command: Shockwave Ultimate Damage Weapons, and 2 Command: Attack Super Mega

Space Nukes, their Flagship Command: Transcendent, and 200 Ataraxia class Space Lasers, and the laser from the Estrella de Muerte .

This operation was called Operation Brass Mammoth

All the protagonists present gathered in the Serenity Control room.

The authors looted the story, and found An Armament of Deadly Sin (Lype Katarripsi) sitting unused in the dregs of the plot. They held onto it, in case it became plot-  
relevant again.

Jersh is now Jiro Ieyoshi, and has a samurai sword that had an excalibur passive.

Lianne has a space Zepplin, 20 tons of catnip, the source code of internet explorer on a computer, and bag full of space nukes, and knitted scarves.

Alfred has a mecha the size of an asteroid.

Alfred s milkshake company has +2 dps milkshakes available

The Collapsing Neo-Russian Empire had some soon-to-be-destroyed space ships

Robot Dog-husky(Alfred Omega(7th edition(MK II))) existed

Ben Kinobi was Ben Kinobi

Donald Trump could break the fifth wall.

Nithinieal Prius had Lype Katarripsi (the Deadly Sin weapon thingy, which he took from the authors while we were trying to take a nap. Dick)

They had the toothpick version of Deathraze, Ravager of Echoes

Some Finnish Cows wandered over to the meeting

Senor Allin was still missing, but it was assumed he would show up at some point

Planet 42 FRTYTO 42 had some ships, I guess.

Let see Lianne was a captain, so they must have some ships.. Hmmmm, maybe there are some in this hanger here. Nope. Only a bunch of ionized plasma. Hmmm . Where could they be? I know they had some earlier, but I don t want to reread the story and find out where I

put them. Hmmmmm .. This is a tricky problem. HEY! OTHER AUTHOR!, WHERE ARE THE SPACESHIPS? OVER THERE, OVER THERE, THEY RE OVER THERE, THEY RE OVER THERE, OVER THERE. NOT HELPING! Hmmmm I just know planet 42 FRTYTO 42 had a spaceship, at least.

Ohh, I know!

*The protagonists found the 42 FRTYTO 42 spaceships in the place where they were, and brought them to where they were now.

2 hours later

I found your army , said the author, as he dumped a pile of rusted steel at the feet of the main characters.

NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!

This is unacceptable said the characters.

Deal with it, said the author.

Thus, Lianne became the pilot of the sole ship left available to 42 FRTYTO 42.

All the heroes gathered on 42 FRTYTO 42 to listen to the final inspirational speech before they went to go and fight evil. Lianne began:

ElLp2YUPFTOz49L20RtI_OTFlcMhZ6n9R3bioI3CFT7kaneAn30L8-KNc1eClspPkhIMaPJpABFknL3ahDMHX9Ng-K5i4AYshXCL5pswSmhbEQS1aSkdNrYHCJzS1Et1x6zfWMMn

oshiete oshiete yo sono shikumi wo boku no naka ni dare ga iru no?

kowareta kowareta yo kono sekai de kimi ga warau nanimo miezu ni

kowareta boku nante sa iki wo tomete

hodokenai mou hodokenai yo shinjitsu sae freeze

kowaseru kowasenai kurueru kuruenai

anata wo mitsukete yureta

yuganda sekai ni dan dan boku wa sukitootte mienaku natte

mitsukenaide boku no koto wo mitsumenaide

dareka ga egaita sekai no naka de anata wo kizutsuketaku wa nai yo

oboeteite boku no koto wo azayaka na mama

mugen ni hirogaru kodoku ga karamaru mujaki ni waratta kioku ga sasatte

ugokenai ugokenai ugokenai ugokenai ugokenai ugokenai yo

unravelling the world

kawatte shimatta kaerarenakatta

futatsu ga karamaru futari ga horobiru

kowaseru kowasenai kurueru kuruenai

anata wo kegasenai yo yureta

yuganda sekai ni dan dan boku wa sukitootte mienaku natte

mitsukenaide boku no koto wo mitsumenaide

dareka ga shikunda kodoku na wana ni mirai ga hodokete shimau mae ni

omoidashite boku no koto wo azayaka na mama

wasurenaide wasurenaide wasurenaide wasurenaide

kawatte shimatta koto ni paralyze

kaerarenai koto darake no paradise

oboeteite boku no koto wo

oshiete oshiete boku no naka ni dare ga iru no?

Tell me, please tell me, what this plot is all about.

Exactly, who resides within me?

I'm broken, so broken - amidst this world.

Yet you laugh, blind to everything.

Being as broken as I am, I hold my breath,

And it can't be unraveled, it can no longer be unraveled.. Not even the truth. (Freeze)

Breakable; unbreakable - psychotic; unable to go insane I'll find you, and..!

In this shaken, twisted world, I gradually become transparent, unable to be seen.

Please don't bother looking for me; don't stare at me..

I merely don't want to hurt you, inside a world, that came out of someone's imagination.

So please remember me; as vivid as I was.

Infinitely spreading, solitude wraps around me. Memories of times I laughed innocently comes to mind,

And I can't move, can't move, can't move, can't move, can't move, I cannot move!

Unravelling the world

I've changed; I couldn't go back to the way I was.

As the two twines around one another, the both of us will perish away..

Breakable; unbreakable - psychotic; unable to go insane

I can't afford to let you be defiled!

In this shaken, twisted world, I gradually become transparent, unable to be seen.

Please don't bother looking for me; don't stare at me..

In a trap of solitude someone had set, before the future unravels,

Remember me; as vivid as I was.

Please don't forget me, don't forget me, don't forget me, don't forget me!

Paralyzed by the fact that I've changed,

In a paradise filled with nothing but unrecoverable things, Please remember me.

Tell me, please tell me.. Exactly, who resides within me?

Ganbarou.

The authors, now in a cafe on 42 FRTYTO 42, ordered various pastries, and drowned their sadness in a sea of coffee.

The 42FRTYTO42 space-armada, along with its various aforementioned reinforcements, clashed with the space-cats in space. The Collapsing Neo-Russian Empire s fleet led the charge, feeling they had nothing to live for anyway, and destroyed about 20% of the Space-  
Cats ships before the cats unleashed the Ataraxia Ultimate Space Lazer 7000, and destroyed the last(ish) remains of Russia from the universe.

End Chapter: The Final Battle Begins (for real this time)

Begin Chapter: The Final Battle Begins (for real this time (we swear))

The Space Cats, in their infinite stores of knowledge, began their master plan to destroy 42 FRTYTO 42. They took up the standard attacking formation of putting all their ships around the planet, with the goal of getting to the planet s surface and destroying everything. Meanwhile, Jersh 2.0 was leading an elite fleet of space cats to 42 FRTYTO 42 s sun to destroy it, and the last hopes and dreams of the universe. As soon as Jersh 2.0 left, planet 42 FRTYTO 42 deployed its atmosphere windshield wipers, pushing the space cats all into one small section of the atmosphere. Facing this yuge army was S. S. Bucket O Bolts, with Lianne as the capitan. Alfred was riding in the space Zeppelin S. S. Polonium Zepplin, and Jiro Ieyoshi was riding Robot Dog-husky(Alfred Omega(7th edition(MK II))).

Characters Advance in

(Inside the Space Cats Command: Transcedent)

Jersh, please let me take revenge upon the evils that have plagued me for generations, said the leader of the Wyvern Axes, Wailing Wind.

Sure, do whatever, it's not like 42 FRTYTO 42 can stop you.

Thanks, dear leader.

(Outside Command: Transcedent)

I got my wyvern, I got my axe. Boom! Wyvern Axe.

Charge!

The Wyvern Axes charged into battle, and saw only a rusty bucket of bolts sitting in their way to victory. Smiling, Wailing Wind, relaxed, taking his mind off battle and daydreaming about his favorite scintillating scuttling lobster, and how delicious it would be cooked in butter. Delicious!, he thought to himself, I simply cannot wait to enjoy Fred the lobster, for dinner. Simply Exquisite! Especially with the side of polonium! Wait ..Polonium, that doesn t belong here, and neither do these ringing sounds. Begone, fiend! Then, I will slowly crack open his shell, and inside I see some nice succulent lasers, with contrasts nicely with the sharp balsamic on the salad made of forgotten dreams. Captain! Captain!

What, I m busy pretending to eat the food that I will be eating in a few hours after battle .

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhh. Kzzhhclclzxxxalc

I m sure that wasn t important

Now, for the piece de resistance, a lovely flourless chocolate cake for dessert, topped with nuclear radiation, that seems to be coming from .. Hmmmmm, not from the dessert, but it seems to be coming from the zepplin overhead. Wait a second . This would explain all the alarms. I see everything so clea-

Boom!

(Inside Command: Transcendent)

Captain, the Wyvern Axes are down without firing a shot

What happened?

It appears they were too busy thinking of food to shoot down the bucket of bolts, and they appeared to be vaporized by some form of radiation

Hmmmmmm, whatever shall we do. Send out the lazer from the Estrella de Muerte.

Roger, Roger

My name isn t Roger! Off with your head!

Jersh 2.0 was still determined to destroy the sun, despite his idiot Space Cat army obviously being idiots and needing help. He told the aforenamed characters to order all the other forces in this wave to attack the polonium zeppelin. The characters, however, misinterpreted this to mean that each ship should attack the space-zeppelin one at a time. And so they did that. And so all of the space cat forces of wave 1 of 7000 were slowly killed off, either by melting from the radiation or getting cancer from the radiation. Or from Lianne shooting at them, because the cats hadn t been ordered to shoot her, so she was free to blow them up with only the slightest of moral consequences.

You almost have to wonder how these cats destroyed the universe in the first place.

3 more waves of cats mindlessly sailing toward the Pollonium Zeppelin were vaporized by the intense radiation, until Miguel de Cervantes reported back that the fleet wasn t firing weapons because Jersh 2.0 hadn t declared war yet.

I declare war on 42 FRTYTO 42 , said Jersh 2.0, Engage the bubble cannons

Engaged

Firing

The bubble cannon is a dastardly little piece of technology that uses the fabric of space time to still not know why the Seahawks didn t run the ball. I mean, Marshawn Lynch was doing so well and the pass game was not doing as well. You run the ball and then if you want call a timeout or hurry up offense and one of those downs will give you a touchdown. It s as simple as

that. But how about those Astros? Winning the World Series after being down 1-0 in the series. Game 2 will go down in history as one of the best World Series games in history and so will Game 5. DUDE! Game 5 was great! I can t believe how great it was. But I m biased as I was cheering for the Astros. But who cares? Da World Series was a good thing that happened the night before I wrote this. Anyway, back to the story.

...turn ships into bubbles.

Anyone can have potential as long as you put your decimal point at the right place. So there were these bubbles and they moved along the space time continuum towards the enemy?

Nathan?

Nathan, is the zeppelin the enemy?

Answer me?

Alfred is in it?

Ok. So why are they shooting at it?

OHHHHH. The bubbles are being used by the space cats.

Ok.

So there were these bubbles. Then these bubbles got half the distance to the zeppelin. Then they got half that distance. Then they got half that distance. Then they got half that distance. Then they got half that distance. Then they got half that distance. Then they got half that distance. Then they got half that distance. Then they got half that distance. Then they got half that distance

It looks like the bubbles got ZENO ed! said Monty Hall out of the ripple in the space time continuum made by the movement of the bubbles. This ripple then proceeded to explode and then the bubbles hit the zeppelin. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM went the zeppelin. Everyone inside survived easily because one of the main characters was in it which means no one can die. But, yeah, ok, so...They were floating around in space in their spacesuits that they were definitely wearing for no reason in the zeppelin.

Fortunately, this explosion also destroyed 5 Space-cat waves, leaving the suckers in the ruined space-zeppelin time to float off to the S. S. Bucket O Bolts, now reinforced by the eclectic collection of other ships probably mentioned above.

Someone has to stop Jersh 2.0 from destroying the sun! called Nithinieal Prius, flying up to the protagonists on the CFP This Is Not A Nuke. They traded ships, and Jersh (Jiro Ieyoshi) also flew in on the Robot Dog-husky(Alfred Omega(7th edition(MK II))). Now, Alfred, Jiro Ieyoshi, and Lianne were on their old ship (CFP This Is Not A Nuke), and Nithinieal Prius is leading 42 FRTYTO 42 s defense from the S.S. Bucket O Bolts (and is armed with the Lype Katarripsi). The protagonists set out for the flagship.

End Chapter: The Final Battle Begins (for real this time (we swear))

Begin Chapter: The Battle for Jersh 2.0 s Flagship

Jersh 2.0 s flagship looked a lot like a Star Destroyer from Star Wars, because it was, in fact, stolen from the Star Wars Universe. Renamed Command: Transcendent, for copyright reasons, the inside was quickly transformed into a bouncy house for cats. This was Jersh 2.0 s ship. (The other Command: Transcendent ship had all the space lasers, but Jersh 2.0 preferred to live dangerously, baiting out all the deus ex machina, only to uncloak the other Command: Transcendent, and destroy their forces completely.) Thus, Jersh 2.0 was unworried when he saw the S. S. Bucket o Bolts outside his window, as he assumed it would be a simple attack. Send out the Command: Dissonance Space Cruisers , screamed Jersh 2.0

Sending . They have been spent. Have a nice day replied Gubern

Oh Shut Up! Can t you see I m trying to ruin the universe? Die!

Hmmmmmmmm .. They seem to be charging up a beam weapon outside. Divert All Power to Shields!

Shields Up May you win this battle.

In a fit of rage, Jersh 2.0 attacks Gubern and kills him, ending his perpetual annoyance and Gubern.

BEEEP BEEEEEEP BEEP BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!

The ship is rocked by an explosion.

Hits to all major systems, please evacuate the ship.

Jersh 2.0, though, believed this was all according to plan.

Activate plan Froggy Froggy booky book. Ah, it seems that the ship the heroes were in has disappeared, and been replaced by a small asteroid field. Well played, my doodz, Well played. Now, if you will excuse me, I have a sun to blow up. And with that, Jersh 2.0 left via teleportation to the other Command: Transcendent ship.

Inside the newly formed asteroid field

Well, it appears Nithinieal Prius has died, but the rest of us survived due to our plot armor. But, we killed their flagship! Time to sneak up and destory the rest of the Space Cats.

But first, they pause for their official poetry reader, Donald Trump, to read the following poem, in honor of the death of Nithinieal Prius.

O CAPTAIN! My Captain! our fearful trip is done;

The ship has weather d every rack, the prize we sought is won;

The port is near, the bells I hear, the people all exulting,

While follow eyes the steady keel, the vessel grim and daring:

But O heart! Heart! Heart!

O the bleeding drops of red,

Where on the deck my Captain lies,

Fallen cold and dead.O Captain! My Captain! rise up and hear the bells;

Rise up for you the flag is flung for you the bugle trills; 10

For you bouquets and ribbon d wreaths for you the shores a-crowding;

For you they call, the swaying mass, their eager faces turning;

Here Captain! Dear father!

This arm beneath your head;

It is some dream that on the deck,

You ve fallen cold and dead.

My Captain does not answer, his lips are pale and still;

My father does not feel my arm, he has no pulse nor will;

The ship is anchor d safe and sound, its voyage closed and done;

From fearful trip, the victor ship, comes in with object won; 20

Exult, O shores, and ring, O bells!

But I, with mournful tread,

Walk the deck my Captain lies,

Fallen cold and dead.

Do not go gentle into that good night, Old age should burn and rave at close of day; Rage, rage against the dying of the light. Though wise men at their end know dark is right, Because their words had forked no lightning they Do not go gentle into that good night. Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay, Rage, rage against the dying of the light. Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,

And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way, Do not go gentle into that good night. Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay, Rage, rage against the dying of the light. And you, my father, there on the sad height, Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray. Do not go gentle into that good night. Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Nature s first green is gold,

Her hardest hue to hold.

Her early leaf s a flower;

But only so an hour.

Then leaf subsides to leaf.

So Eden sank to grief,

So dawn goes down to day.

Nothing gold can stay.

It was very sad and such

(This should be the last of the poetry)

(I m sorry)

Alfred and Lianne take over the old Command: Transcendent ship.

5 seconds later, it turned into the universe s largest bouncy castle.

The heroes were now in possession of an extremely large bouncy castle. In SPACE!

Bouncy

This bouncy castle had no weapons, but they figured that they might as well charge after Jersh 2.0 anyway, given that they were protagonists and this was the climax.

Lianne, still the only halfway competent character, decided to fly the ship while Jersh (Jiro Ieyoshi) and Alfred dealt with the hundreds of space cats currently bouncing around inside their bouncy-spaceship. Alfred realized that he had left his cool mecha back on 42 FRTYTO 42, and so he clicked the button on his key ring to make it fly to him. The mecha would take about 1 action scene to get there, so Alfred pulled out his trusty(ish) baseball bat with nails in it (now upgraded with bigger nails), and charged into battle alongside Jiro Ieyoshi, who had real armor and a magic sword. Lianne, realizing that the bouncy-ship was cartoonishly easy to control (we have established that the Space-Cats aren t very smart, after all), pulled out her laser pistol, laser falchion, laser billhook, and space-nuke launcher (her new suit turned out to have extra robot arms. Have fun with that artist *Hey! Where s my image*), and joined the fray.

They swatted the cats left and right, with pitiful ease. None were spared, from disarmed soldiers floating about, to janitors cowering in corners, to the corpses killed in the ship s bouncy explosion. None were spared. It was a jolly old genocide.

These guys are supposed to be the heroes, right?

I think we ve established that they re actually assholes by now.

Oh, ya. That ll give us literary points, pointing out the unheroic nature of mankind and all.

Uh, sure, ya that s exactly what we were going for.

Well, glad we worked that out, now back to the story.

Again.

(these tangents happen too often)

Anyway, once the cats were all dead, Alfred s mecha flew in through the door, squishing some interns corpses under its foot. Lianne returned to the controls and flew after the Command: Transcendent flagship.

End Chapter: The Battle for Jersh 2.0 s Flagship

Begin Chapter: Things go quickly downhill for our heroes.

Our heroes, in their plan to destroy the other Command: Transcendent ship, took all of their forces away from 42 FRTYTO 42, forgetting that they lost the space armada of 42 FRTYTO 42. The Space Cats took advantage of this by sending 1% of their remaining troops to the planet, There was no resistance, however, because there was no one to resist.

Inside Command: Transcendent the Second:

Jersh 2.0: We have baited the heroes away from the planet. Charge! Storm Thunders and Cleaving Siegers. Siege planet 42 FRTYTO 42, and act as a vanguard for the rest of the foot soldiers .

2 Minutes later.

Foot soldiers! Move out, and begin the cleansing of 42 FRTYTO 42, and complete our dream for the appearance of the galaxy. Combat Pilots, you take the flanks, and healers, bring up the rear. Use the 15 Command: Protect Space Juggernauts as support and transport vessels, This operation is under joint command of Ribganm The Draco-enchanted Of Shepenford Mountain Senahafar; Gorbach The Eye-painted Of Smellslot; Dugbhut The Night-walker Of Axechester; Use 2 Command: Attack Super Mega Space Nukes to nuke the planet, and erase it from the world. Time for Victory!

Outside Command: Transcendent

The fleet slowly floated toward planet 42 FRTYTO 42, taking up battle formation, from which there was no possible defeat. Lianne, however thought of this, and when the S. S. Bucket O Bolts turned into an asteroid field, she used the explosion to release her catnip into space, forming a protective barrier across the face of the planet.

The Space Cats began to pass through the barrier, and instead of forgetting their objective and become catnip addicts, the Space Cats gained the Awesome Buff of Heavenly Buffing, granting + 20 attack speed, -50% mana cost, and +10000% damage for all laser based weapons.

Lesson: Never give anyone the Awesome Buff of Heavenly Buffing.

The FRTYTO 42 FRTYTO fleet came out of cloaking to begin the defense, which lasted all of 4 seconds before the Awesome Buff of Heavenly Buffing Command Attack: Space Juggernauts ran into the fleet and destroyed everything.

Inside Command: Transcendent

Captain, we have lost 4300 Space Cats and 4 Space Juggernauts, while the fleet of 42 FRTYTO 42 has been eliminated. Nothing stands between us and the planet 42 FRTYTO 42. explained Menogmenog.

Good, very good , said Jersh 2.0, Now come and witness the end to the universe as they know it, and it is time to activate the Ethereality Project. Meanwhile, assemble the Aradels to deal the small force of dimwits who think they can end me. That is impossible, and they shall know true pain.

On Planet 42 FRTYTO 42:

My God, it s full of stars , exclaimed Donald Trump. Menos Puntos , dijo Senor Allin (who had a few minutes ago revealed that he had secretly been Ben Kinobi this whole time), Esos son barcos de espacio, no son estrellas. Well, riperoni 42 FRTYTO 42, it seems that there is nothing that can be done. Lelelelel. I guess we will just die here on the surface, without doing anything in this battle. Alas, I shall never be able to get my health care reform lamented Donald J. Trump-a-lump. What you need to do is berrrrrieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeve , said an eerily spooky disembodied voice. Believe in what? asked Donald J. Dump. Inevitable death at the hands of your enemies , said the voice. No, this can t be true, I was meant to rule the universe, and I have lost to these fools of the Space Cats. This is unacceptable. Maximum

Wall Power, activate. , exclaimed El Luchador, Donald J. Blackosod . And so a wall extended around the entire planet with the words: Keep out the illegal aliens. Have a Nice Day! :)

Inside Command Transcendents:

What is this wall? NUKE IT! NUKE IT NOW! DO EEEEET! proposed Jersh 2.0. Nuking , said Menogmenog.

The nuke rebounds off the wall and destroys 2% of the Space Cat fleet.

Fire the Space Laser! LASERS, LASERS EVERYWHEREREREREREREREEEEEEEE! , Jersh 2.0 recommended.

Lasering , said Menogmenog.

The space laser energy is added into the wall, and the wall grows tentacles.

CHARGE UP THE ESTRELLA DE MUERTE , offered Jersh 2.0

Charging, said Menogmenog.

Well, we can leave 42 FTRYTO 42 for later, but now, we must and crush those pesky heroes once and for all. Send the Command: Shockwave Weapons to surround our heroes, capture them, and send them to the 2.99 dimension to be tortured forever.

Outside Command: Transcendent: (Bouncy Version)

Inconceivable! how could they figure out where we were? , asked Alfred. Because we are in a stolen ship that is bright yellow and coming right towards them , answered Lianne. Oh , said Alfred.

A message appeared on the intercom. Hello my fellow travelers, thank you for stealing a Space Cats ship during the course of the battle. That makes it much easier for us to kill you. So, we have locked your control systems, and you will shortly be greeted by 5 Command: Shockwave vessels, and they will capture you, and probably not kill you, but force you to watch the end of your own pathetic universe. So, just hang tight, don t resist us, and have a nice day. Whatever does that mean? , aske-

rBB_DhXgPVqkCijqlc78LWrcljS0_jzhKqGgvNOdVAkCv0l67t-CX_VmkJeMql7H0URjWI6H8wQD6bAqSdJYSPl7gRlP6jS729FLNZIZbR6LJ1j1R-73BHTOk_Vcg5GcTCqh7hf0

A cage of blued orange light appeared around the ship, and the contents inside were squeezed into the 2.99th dimension, hiding inside the Command: Transcendent Vessel.

Inside Command: Transcendent:

Begin the Ethereality Project.

End Chapter: Things go quickly downhill for our heroes.

Begin Chapter: The Ethereality Project, the 2.99th Dimension, the Motive for Space Cat Expansion, The Secrets Behind Donald Trump s Wall, and Menos Puntos , dijo Senor Allin.

While fun stuff was happening with our heroes, the battle around 42 FRTYTO 42 was grinding to a stalemate. Donald Trump s wall was deflecting all attacks, and the space cats were down to 76% of their original fleet size. Donald Trump and Senor Allin hatched a plan to stage a counterattack before the authors got bored of the good guys winning.

Using the Teleport Pad Of Rapid Transport, they teleported into the middle of the fleet blockading the planet.

To one side, Donald Trump unleashed a tweet storm, delivering so many incomprehensible tweets in so short a time that he fried the computers of 15% of the space cat fleet, including the flagship of one of those generals listed earlier whose name I definitely know. Whatever, without the computers, the doors to the spaceship couldn t be open anymore for some reason, so everyone in those ships was sucked out and died in the vacuum of space.

To the other side, Senor Allin unleashed the attack he had been saving up since he was last seen in, um, Act II, I think. Ya, let s go with that. He absorbed the health puntos of 19% of the space cat ships simply by yelling, MENOS PUNTOSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSssssSSSsssSSSSSSSSSssssSSs! .

The phrase INSUFFICIENT PUNTOS! appeared in red on all their screens, and then the ships blew up. However, Senor Allin s body couldn t take so many health puntos, and he ascended to the 5th dimension, never to be seen again.

Trump and Senor

Donald Trump, meanwhile, got distracted by something and left the defense of 42 FRTYTO 42 to go play golf in some asteroid belt. Without Trump to keep up the wall s power, it started to degrade, and things got dangerous again.

Oh, wait, why did we want to make things dangerous again?

We re on this planet!

This was a terrible idea!

Quick, cut to another scene before this planet gets destroyed, so we have time to think of some other deus ex machina!

Inside the Ethereality Project:

Notice to All New Members: Welcome to the Ethereality Project! It is nice to have you with us tonight, please have a seat and wait for tonight's program to begin. Tonight, our keynote speaker, Mr. Veit Allt, a grasshopper, will have a short 30 minute presentation explaining WHAT IN THE WORLD IS IN MY POCKET?

Have a nice day!

Jiro Ieyoshi immediately sat in the second to back row, on the side with the windows, so that he could spend his time looking out the window and dreaming of eating meatloaf again someday. Alfred sat next to his friend, and together, they contemplate their future of professional meatloaf eaters. Lianne, meanwhile, thought those two doofuses were stoopid, and so she sat and soon fell asleep, bored because nothing was happening, and began to dream of eating meatloaf with her parents. With Lianne fast asleep, Mr. Veit Allt, a grasshopper, began his presentation on the History of Meatloaf: Why it is in my Pocket.

Meatloaf of minced meat was mentioned in the Roman cookery collection Apicius as early as the 5th century. Meatloaf is a traditional German, Scandinavian and Belgian dish, and it is a cousin to the Dutch meatball. American meatloaf has its origins in scrapple, a mixture of ground pork and cornmeal served by German-Americans in Pennsylvania since Colonial times. Meatloaf in the contemporary American sense did not appear in cookbooks until the late 19th century. When humans first traveled to Mars, they brought with them the secret meatloaf making recipe, and began setting up factories to produce meatloaf. Eventually, this planet was blown up by the space cats, and so the art of meatloaf production was lost to the ages. This meatloaf producing planet was the galaxies largest supplier of meatloaf, and so some escaped destruction by the Space Cats, including the meatloaf that I have, and that you now have, (Mirror of Erised type thingy). Alfred immediately ate his meatloaf, and so did Jiro Ieyoshi.

Delisch , said Alfred.

Very Delisch , said Jiro Ieyoshi.

Mr. Veit Allt continued, Now, we here at Nefndin Fyrir Fullkominn Sigur Fyrir Ketti Geimnumt believe Meatloaf to be the one true weapon to destroy the space cats . Wait, you already ate your meatloaf .. Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! My evil plan has failed. (Authors Note: Lianne is still asleep) Now, what is this Ethereality Project that you are trapped in? Well, it just happens to be the collective consciousness of all

conquered species, and it exists in the 2.99 dimension, meaning you can see the real world, and able to see ultimate defeat of your army at the hands of the space cats. The space cats set out not to create the Ethereality Project, but to escape from it. They lived in eternal fear of ending up here, so they decided to build a space army to defeat the rest of the galaxy, and send all the defeated species here. They used this as their prison for captured races, but you can t see them here, because there are infinite copies of the 2.99 dimension. So enjoy yourself, and eat some meatloaf, and relax for the next trillion years, all while watching the spectacular defeat of the 42 FRTYTO 42. No one is left to defend your planet, Your last hopes, Senor Allin and Donald Drumpffffffff have left the scene of the battle, only leaving behind a wall. Watch now, the demise of 42 FRTYTO 42. 52.3% of the original Space Cat Fleet is here, and they have yet to charge up their remaining Ataraxia Lasers. Nothing, not even a pesky wall, can stop them now. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go.

A ? walked up to the podium and began to talk about about the history of the space cats, but no one really cared where they came from, and only cared that they were driven by a desire not to be consumed by the Ethereality Project that was created by the Chimera Ants, and because people stopped watching cat videos.

Alfred, Jersh, and Lianne (who was now awake because she heard that the plot was happening again) snuck out of the room while the ? was still busy talking. They circled up in the bare, unlit hallway of the 2.99th dimension.

Okay, so how do we get out and finish the plot? said Lianne.

Well, we could try rounding our way up and out of this dimension, back to the 3rd dimension said Jersh. However, we run the risk of truncating our way down to the 2nd dimension, from which there is no escape

It s worth the risk, this place is really boring. But to do either one, we need some really powerful MacGuffin said Lianne.

Then they both looked over at Alfred, who had been ignoring their important conversation and been breaking down a wall with his head. Behind the slightly-less-than-3D bricks, they found the Magical Macabre Magenta Malefic Mammoth Martian Masterless Malodorous Marauding Materialistic Magnetized Marxist Machiavellian Magisterial Maoist Mechanistic Mephistophelian Mesozoic Metallurgical Metaphysical Metamorphic Mesoblastic Megalomaniacal Misappropriated Moonless Mystical Miasmal Multifactorial Meta Meatloaf of the Meat Masters. Its power radiated into the room, dripping with lazy writing and M adjectives. They grabbed it and ran.

At the end of the hallway, they found Alfred s Mecha and all of their weapons, which they picked up. They plugged the meatloaf into the mecha s power core, and Lianne said her magical demon curse to allow them to slip between dimensions.

They started to slip down, hitting the 2.91st dimension. Alfred panicked, randomly pressing buttons. By total luck, he hit a specific button for exactly p seconds, which was exactly what he needed to shift the mecha from its default truncation setting to rounding, which brought them back up to the third dimension. They were the only people allowed to go back to the third dimension, because the rest of the inmates were truncation fools.

End Chapter: The Ethereality Project, the 2.99th Dimension, the Motive for Space Cat Expansion, The Secrets Behind Donald Trump s Wall, and Menos Puntos , dijo Senor Allin.

Begin Chapter: The Demise of 42 FRTYTO 42

Outside the 2.99th dimension, our heroes found themselves floating in spaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaace in a non-hermetically sealed mecha, and so they had a two to the power of two hundred and sixty-seven thousand seven hundred and nine to one against chance of surviving for 30 more seconds. 30 seconds isn t that long; anyone can do anything for 30 seconds, like floating out in space, at the mercy of the dark, uncaring universe.

1 second passed.

1 more second passed.

1 more second passed.

1 more second passed.

1 more second passed.

1 more second passed.

6 seconds had already passed, and the heroes had so far been unable to identify that they were stuck in space.

1 more second passed.

1 more second passed.

1 more second passed.

1 more second passed.

1 more second passed.

1 more second passed.

1 more second passed.

1 more second passed.

1 more second passed.

1 more second passed.

1 more second passed.

17 seconds had passed, just as Lianne was beginning to think that something strange had happened to them. For instance, why was there a ball with a bunch of specks around it off into the distance, but nothing nearby.

1 more second passed.

1 more second passed.

1 more second passed.

1 more second passed.

1 more second passed.

1 more second passed.

1 more second passed.

1 more second passed.

1 more second passed.

1 more second passed.

3 seconds remained, and Alfred still didn t identify their problem.

1 more second passed.

1 more second passed.

1 more second passed.

Jiro Ieyoshi s unconscious head hit the big blue RESET ATMO button, resetting the air to the typical Bizalian atmosphere composition of 21% oxygen, 34% sulphuric acid, 15M HNO3, 42 dead flamingoes, 16 truncators, and 2% burning selenium. Alfred began slowly suffocating on flamingoes, and he fell backwards, hitting a wooden rod, causing a ball to fall down onto a mousetrap, popping a balloon, causing the atmosphere to return to normal for 23 seconds, as the truncators recovered from the shock. Lianne hit the EGRESS button, and everyone was ejected into space towards the other Command: Transcendent ship. 1 second from impact and certain death, an airlock opened, allowing Alfred, Jiro Ieyoshi, and half of Lianne to enter the ship. Welcome to my humble abode, my name is Roy Mustang. Please come with me. Alfred

and Jersh left, while Lianne continued to struggle against the airlock door, her legs slowly freezing in space. Alfred and Jersh left without so much a glance back at Lianne, who cried, Help me! Help me! It s not like I didn t join this mission to help you or anything. Idiot! But no one bothered to care about her.

She waited until they were gone, then remembered that she, like the other two, actually wasn t affected by the vacuum of space on account of shenanigans earlier in the plot. Also, she was wearing a suit of armor and some fake rubber skin over her still-slimy body, so the cold wouldn t affect her anyway. One of the authors, sorry for forgetting about all of this, decided to write her out of her predicament, since she was still stuck in the door, which by now was starting to crush her armor around the waist.

As the doors crushed the suit, they squeezed Lianne s slime body out of the rubber suit and the armor suit, sending her popping out into the now-sealed-off airlock. Conveniently, her lazer-falchion, space-nuke launcher, gun, and the laptop with the code for Internet Explorer all landed inside with her, as did a purple piece of cloth that she tied around her slime-body like a half-cape from her days as a captain of a 42 FRTYTO 42 spaceship.

She sliced her way out of the airlock with her lazer-falchion (which is not a lightsaber (Disney please don t sue us)), and rushed down the corridors of the Command: Transcendent spaceship in a different direction than the others (she figured that they d take the wrong path, so she did what they didn t do).

Outside Planet 42 FRTYTO 42:

YmJy2bgI5xDekKawLz4oBhR2SQYf3m5ESNARF8KUt-wPBfpgsxS1jO_v5SzUM4AKRw54DWKzak6sRbYjwegfmDtPbX3J_Q8Y7ZbCtrCKzP3FVYdmVlQCOtrMnFG2057z-SEXXVPJ

Inside Command: Transcendent

Captain, our Ataraxia space lasers have done no damage, they ve only succeeded in putting a scorch on the hat. What can we do to pass through the wall?

Well, said Jersh 2.0, We could get a ladder and climb over the wall, then get down the other side with a rope.

Good idea, sir, except, the wall is in the shape of a sphere, how does a ladder climb over it?

Easy, I shall summon the 4th dimensional ladder to climb OOOOVER the wall, and then some rope to pull us back to the 3rd dimension. Stand Back!

In the background, EE EY ES OO DO MI NE. DO MI NE ES RE QU EM. AL CO RO DO BA , repeating over and over in an annoying loop, slowly driving Jersh 2.0 insane, while he began drawing out pentagrams on the floor of the space ship.

I am the bone of my sword / Steel is my body and fire is my blood / I have created over a thousand ladders / Unknown to death / Nor known to life / Have withstood pain to create many ladders / Yet these hands will never hold anything / So as I pray, Unlimited Ladder Works

*Hull Breach Along Sector 5* *Hull Breach Along Sector 5* *Hull Breach Along Sector 5*

*Ship will begin self sealing in 3 . 2 . 1 ..*

*Damage has been repaired*

Jersh 2.0 looked around the control room. Everything is in disarray, and he sees a 50000 ft long ladder spinning and tumbling outside the windows.

Go, take the ladder and head to planet 42 FRTYTO 42

Roger, Roger

Inside another part of Command: Transcendent

So, title characters, you ve made it all this way. Congratulations. Now, here is the plan: Jiro, you and Alfred need to head to the bridge to deal with Jersh 2.0, the supreme leader of the space cats. Take this map and follow it. By the way, when you run into the Aradels, remember to say Purple Zombie Zebra to turn Caradel to your side. Oh, also, do not fall into the pit of despair. And watch out for the security milkshake guns, conveniently posted in the corners of the hallways, they make you fall asleep. You will also need an eye to work the retinal scanner to the control room, so remember to gouge out Faradel s eye. I will be in contact with you the entire time. As for myself, I am going to head to the Chopper to stop the plans for the Space Cats to take over the universe. May the fuerza be with you.

And also with you , replied Alfred and Jiro.

Roy Mustang leaves.

Onwards and upwards , exclaimed Jiro, My comrades, for far too long we have suffered indignation at the hands of the Space Cats, but today, we will prove that we are number 1. Now when I say go, be ready to throw. (when they get to the battle, Jiro says go, and Alfred throws

the battle, not his weapon). Let us feast upon their deaths as we take back our glory. CHARGE! ! !#$!#!^!%&!

While they began walking up the stairs, Roy Mustang arrived at the Chopper, conveniently located in the very center of the ship. Above the door read, Here comes a candle to light you to bed / Here comes a chopper to chop off your head / Abandon all hope, ye who enter here

Outside Planet 42 FRTYTO 42:

Deploying the ladder deploying the ladder Ladder deployed Ladder deployed Beginning to climb the ladder over the wall of planet 42 FRTYTO 42. Good luck!

Inside the Wall:

Wow, it sure is dark in here *A candle is lit. Time to push the big azure button marked Self-  
Destruct Wall .

The wall slowly began opening into the shape of giant pac-man.

Hey, other space cats, we opened the wall. Come on in

5 space cat ships move forward, only to be crushed like dots by pac-man.

Sorry, I ll push the puce button marked Goodbye wall

The wall slowly faded into nothingness.

The space cats slowly started forward.

There was nothing between the space cats and 42 FRTYTO 42.

There were 3 minutes before the final destruction of 42 FRTYTO 42.

End Chapter: The Demise of 42 FRTYTO 42

Begin Chapter: Jiro has fun with snakes, plus Roy gets himself captured (spoiler), while nothing happens to 42 FRTYTO 42 as events inside are still catching up.

Alright so we take a right here, and head down this hallway for 100 meters

Now turn left

Where

Recalculating

Turn of this stupid Apple Maps GPS. I am Jiro , and I can definitely read a map.

Sure , replied Alfred

So, it appears the we go straight until we get into the Grotto of the Holy Grail, take a right at the Yggdrasil, and end up in the control room.

Alfred and Jiro are in a room surrounded by 7 different arches, each one pitch black and smelling of fried persimmons. Alfred and Jiro walk into the first arch, but 5 steps in, they realize that there are snakes everywhere. Why does it have to be snakes? The answer, coming in from above, was Because I wrote it, you fools. Go and finish your stupid quest. Alfred and Jiro walk into the third arch, but this time, 8 steps in, they realize it was filled with snakes. Alright, this snake is red, yellow, black, gold, so according to my resistor chart, it is a 24 Ohm snake. And this snake over here is black, yellow, red, gold, so it is a 1400 Ohm snake. This black, grey, black, gold snake is an 8 Ohm snake. This here snake is black, white, black, gold, so it has 9 Ohms. Now, assuming that we wire these up in parallel to a 17 volt battery, how much power will be dissipated by Ouch, what bit me? Oh, one of these snakes. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Come on Alfred, we are leaving this room. I am done with snakes. Onward to the fifth room. 125 steps later, Alfred and Jiro found themselves in a room filled with coils and coils of garden hose and many brightly colored ropes. When they entered the room, a heat light went on, slowly raising the temperature. The ropes began to move, and it turns out it was snakes. Yes, snakes. Jiro and Alfred tried to run away, but the doors slammed down on

most sides of them, boxing Alfred and Jiro in with the snakes. Right before the last door slammed down, Alfred grabbed Jiro and together they slid right under the door. Back in the cavern, Jiro and Alfred headed for the second door. Inside the door, there we many interesting swaying stalactites on the ceiling. 2 steps later, Jiro ran away from the snakes on the ceiling, leaving Alfred to sit back and watch the magnificent swaying snakes of Command: Transcendent. 5 minutes later, still reeling from their encounter with snakes, Alfred and Jiro walked toward the seventh door, but inside, they found walls covered in snakes. Inside the sixth door, there was a carpet of snakes. Exhausted, Alfred and Jiro headed toward the fourth door, where inside there were many buttons, but a few were lit up. The buttons read, Snakes , More Snakes All of the Snakes Over 9000 snakes Tyrannosaurus Rekt Snakes . Alfred, in a sudden reflex, began hitting all the buttons with his fist, causing snakes to begin raining down into the main room, slowly beginning to build up on the floor.

On another part of Command: Transcendent:

Here comes a candle to light you to bed That is a good part of a rhyme, said Roy Mustang, Here comes a GIANT FLYING SNAKE! ITS TRYING TO EAT ME ALIVE. AND SOME CRAZY DUDE IS RIDING IT Well, hello there, Colonel Roy Mustang. Hisashiburi da. Thank you finally for showing yourself. My name is Wrath. Please come with me. Space Cats with Pole-axes began moving out from the walls. Well, that about does it. You had a nice try, Colonel Mustang

Inside a room filled with snakes:

SNAKES! SNAKES ARE EVERYWHERE. SOMEONE COME AND SAVE ME FROM THE SNAKES. SNAKES! HELP ME! Help Me! help me! help me. goodbye world. SNAKES EVERYWHERE. THERE ARE TOO MANY SNAKES. Oh, there is a door up here. Jiro. come this way.

Jiro, come.

Jiro?

Here! , popping out with two snakes acting as a familiar. Through the door we go.

Inside the next room over:

WHY ARE THERE SNAKES IN HERE?

Inside the next next room over:

STOP WITH THE SNAKES ALREADY

Inside the next next next room over:

AUTHORS, ONE MORE ROOM OF SNAKES, AND I WILL COME TO KILL YOU

Inside the next next next next room over:

Oh look, only 170000 SNAKES THIS TIME. WHY ARE THERE SO MANY SNAKES?

You did push the button that said all the snakes.

Right.

Somebody go and kill the snakes for me.

Inside the next cavern open:

Oh look, no snakes.

Only 17 heavily armored warriors

This is where you end, in the Grotto of the Holy Grail , said Daradel.

Good to know. Have a nice day :) , said Jiro, drawing his sword.

End Chapter: Jiro has fun with snakes, plus Roy gets himself captured (spoiler), while nothing happens to 42 FRTYTO 42 as events inside are still catching up.

Begin Chapter: My God, It s Full of Swords

Finally, a real fight scene for once! I m so excited.

Ehhem

Jiro drew his katana sword while Alfred pulled out his stupid bat thing. They stared down their opponents; 23 space cats with laser pole axes, 4 snakes, and Daradel, who was armed with a laser-Flamberge greatsword and an old double-barreled shotgun.

Jiro started fighting all of the cats, while Alfred jumped at Daradel (there was temporarily less gravity on the spaceship, so he could jump further). Daradel fired his shotgun into Alfred s belly. It hit his pancreas, one of his kidneys, and two of his 4 stomachs (Alfred s cow on his mom s side), none of which would kill him, or stop him. Alfred continued to fly towards Daradel. Daradel raised his laser-Flamberge greatsword and swung at Alfred, cutting his bat in two, shattering his plot armor (he got the cheapest set because he picked last), and swatting him across the room.

Daradel, quite proud of this cool-looking move, rested his laser-Flamberge greatsword on his shoulder like an anime badass, forgetting that the sword was made of LASSSSSERS! The sword cut right through his shoulder into his chest, then burned him from the inside.

He is now very dead.

SAD!

Anyway, Jiro finished killing all of the cats and snakes easily, while Alfred picked up the laser-Flamberge to replace his bat.

They looked around the room, and found a pedestal that probably held the holy grail. However, they were more interested in the swords that the room was full of, as the chapter title suggested. There were longswords, arming swords, war swords, falchions, greatswords, bearing swords, scimitars, gladiuses, rapiers, katanas, daos, sabers, makahuatls, hunga mungas, khopeshes, flyssas, nimchas, takobas, billaos, shotels, jian, nihonto, golok, patag,

rem-dao, pulwar, kilij, spatha, schiavona, katzbalger, spadroon, and several copyrighted swords from popular franchises. There were so many swords, it was a wonder that no one commented on them before now. Jersh picked up a Hold-It-All Bag 9000 from the ground and put all of the swords in it, in case they came in handy later (they won t, but don t tell him that, he looks so happy).

They finally walked out of the Grotto of the Holy Grail, past Yggdrasil, and into the control room. Inside the control room (which was about the size of 1.651 aircraft hangars), they found the remaining 16 Aradels, along with Roy Mustang, who was captured and being held down by Wrath, who it turns out was Baradel.

End Chapter: My God, It s Full of Swords

Begin Chapter: Super Amazing Final(ish) Fight Scene

Meanwhile on 42 FRTYTO 42:

Without the wall to defend them and with the authors ability to write about things outside of the planet deteriorating, the planet began to come under massive fire from the remaining 51.6% of the Space Cats original army. There was a giant ladder that appeared to go ooooooooooooooooooooooooover the wall, and space cats were beginning to walk up and over the wall, then dropping down the other side on a piece of rope. It all looked hopeless

But then, on the horizon

Uuuuuuh

The the new, um

Guys, I ve got nothing!

Oh no, we re going to die!

BOOOOOOOM!

Oh no! The coffee shop down the road just blew up! We re down to just this one within a 15 minute walking distance!

We re DOOOOOOMED!

Back on Command: Transcendent

The Aradels all pulled out weapons, preparing for the untimely deaths of the protagonists. Angered by the death of Daradel, and the use of the Laser-Flamberge Greatsword by Alfred, they charged, ready to avenge their fallen comrade. The 16 remaining generals formed a great circle around our heroes, trapping them inside a circle (duh). Karadel was the first to approach them, and he took out his Ardent Scimitar, ready to smite the heathens that dare oppose his reign. He began dominating Alfred in a 1v1 me, bro, battle, while Paradel stepped up to deal with Jiro Ieyoshi. With this, the great circle began to weaken, as Maradel and Naradel stepped in to fight, while Karadel rested. Slowly being worn down from attacks

from all sides, Alfred and Jersh slowly backed into a corner of the control room, while a circle still was maintained around them. Standing back to back, Alfred remarked, I m done. Let them kill me now, I am tired of this stupid hero stuff. Jiro replied, If you've got time to fantasize about a beautiful death, why not live beautifully until the end? My passive is up, let s go in and destroy them. Varadel and Zaradel lept forward, while Alfred swung his greatsword up to block their blow, Xaradel came in from below, with his sword covered in poisonous acid, ready to dissolve the heroes legs into a pool of jipity jelly. Jiro moved to block it, but Saradel came in from behind leaping through the air to deliver the final blow with his ultimate move: Cleanse the-  
-

Begin Chapter: Interstellar 3.0, Dwayne Harder

All troops are in position, Dwayne the Rock Johnson

Alright, ready the Shark Calvary

Venezuela, 2073, 52 years after Nicolas Maduro started an autocratic regime, things were no better. There was rampant inflation, and climate change had caused the seas to begin to flood downtown Caracas. The current dictatator, Jorge Orwello, had released Sarin gas on his people many a time, but the US was busy playing pinball with nukes in the earth s stratosphere to pay attention to global hegemony. Hence the reason Dwayne the Rock Johnson appeared in South America, followed by a team of camera man, ready to use his Shark calvary to shrek Caracas, Venezuela.

Charge

Dwayne the Rock Johnson, fearless eternal leader of the US paramilitary, lept out of the water riding a shark, firing goldfish out of a cannon. The military swiftly rushed into action, just as the cameraman began uploading the footage to reality TV. His goldfish that he fired began to swell up, sucking the life out of buildings, causing them to fall dramatically behind him. The Venezuelan soldiers were too surprised to see him that they fell over laughing, until they were

eaten up by a goldfish. 10 minutes later, after environmental groups realized his animal abuse, began setting up nets to catch the sharks, but the sharks just ate the nets.

Once Dwayne the Rock Johnson cleared Caracas, and all of Venezuela, of those pesky Venezuelans, he became their new democratically discount. Dwayne the Rock Johnson asked Reddit how he should run the country. His first edict as the president was to force everyone in the country to eat tacos for a month, at the request of Anna, a random person on the internet. The citizens, tired of tacos after the strict rationing of bread during the 2060s, began to construct a wheel of cheese to give to their dear leader. Reddit advises him to ride it everywhere, and so he does, spending 3 months riding around on a unicycle made of a wheel of cheese.

4 years pass

Dwayne the Rock Johnson has never been more popular; however, he began to notice some weird behaviors, such as everyone leaving the planet in space ships, leaving him alone. 3 days later, 30000 feet below Dwayne the Rock Johnson, a spaciontemporational bomb exploded, sending out a transdimensional shock blast.

Dwayne the Rock Johnson appeared in outer space, still riding a battered unicycle. Tiny pinpricks of changing lights swirled around him, and the lack of air and dizziness made him barf, crushing one of the pretty lights.

(That pretty light was the entire space cat fleet positioned outside 42 FRTYTO 42, which had avoided being crushed by the barfing of Dwayne the Rock Johnson and was now totally safe)

Horrified by this turn of events, Dwayne the Rock Johnson called out his own personal poodle, Fifi, to give him some tacos. Sitting alone out in space, Dwayne the rock Johnson

began to dream of a future where he could have remained dictator, and not have the Earth explode right under him.

Billions of years passed, and Dwayne the Rock Johnson still sits there, out in space, waiting for someone to wake him up, or at least give him tacos.

End chapter: Interstellar 3.0, Dwayne Harder

-Barbarians. Instead of dying, however, Alfred quickly moved to the side, but not quickly enough. Jiro moved behind Saradel, perfectly aligning all the generals, and paid the $8,131.07 for the sword s DLC, activating its EXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX-CALIBER passive, thus cutting all 16 Aradels and most of the Command: Transcendent ship in half. The Aradels all died, Alfred was knocked out, but there were enough interns to fly out into space and put the two halves of the ship back together with duct tape. Jiro s sword then disintegrated.

WpyruDy3Xy4mygr9V4v6H8W26j2ZZJ1Do5GIs-uCWwbkDFZnPUPKtM3ZGl_macJKKRVe2csNDkM1wgllUqqLweEVqGVsMSXkZkb87y0mBS5mGGY6I2re4QWInWD6YG9dzbYuceaT

Meanwhile on 42 FRTYTO 42:

That day when the space cats came falling. It s almost as if a scene from a dream. Nothing more, nothing less than a beautiful view , noted the author as he leaned back to gaze up at the star studded sky.

Meanwhile on Command: Transcendent:

Jiro Ieyoshi walked up to the front of the control room, where Jersh 2.0, Supreme Leader of the Space Cats, was standing. The two clones, split apart by some dimension-thingy devised by the Plot-Shaped Thing, now met face-to-face.

plnAaHkWHbRGPxibnoD9aaodlYN96HhUFcvbUYgvpKRp0X-Mhjs21GwwzMQD9mA3AOi4kPpQWF-FHttPv4aldnddn9Uk3IhIaURfd_azlwUjdGCT2dlTTQLlpSI4kUuA3yld9UA2

*cue dramatic final musical score and such

They began to debate the merits of destroying the universe, a moral battle that took every bit of their tiny stores of rhetorical and intellectual skill. Why do you seek to stop my destruction, Jiro? What have I destroyed that was important to you? I do not know , replied Jiro. Very

convenient. Why do you fight against me? I feel like I m always searching for someone, or something. This feeling has possessed me I think, from that day That day when the stars came falling. Pure evil. You. Well, let us then consider the nature of evil. Evil is only judged by society, but society can often be wrong. As a result, I believe that...

(this went on for a while)

. And so, when you destroyed planets in your carelessness, you did that so that you could have a good laugh with your friends. How excellent! Alas, that is not evil enough. But what is evil , asked Jiro. O shut up!

Finally, as both stood exhausted by their debate, Jersh 2.0 pulled out his secret weapon; THE PROPHECY!

It was prophesied that you would become an anime samurai, that Lianne would get a computer, and that Alfred would be essentially useless. This Has Been Foretold!

However, you never heard the rest of the prophecy. It stated that your actions would be ultimately pointless, and that the fate of the universe would be altered very little by most of the choices that you, Jersh/Jiro, make.

But wait, responded Jiro Ieyoshi, wouldn t that make having a prophesy about us completely pointless?

YEEEESSSSS! yelled Jersh 2.0 in a loud and overdramatic voice.

Then what why? How? Jersh began to break down as he realized how pointless everything had become. Meanwhile, Alfred went and put on some black clothes.

To be, or not to be, that is probably the question soliloquized Jiro. Then the pointlessness caught up to him, and he died.

Oh, I am slain , he said, as he lay dead.

Alfred stood in indifference, then Jersh 2.0 pulled out a laser pistol and shot him in the head, killing him too.

With this, I be a grave man punned Alfred as he also died.

Haha, laughed Jersh 2.0, I have killed both of the protagonists, I WIN!

He then pressed the big red button that read DESTROY THE BIG STAR THINGY

He waited.

Nothing happened.

He waited for another 12.7 minutes.

Nothing continued to happen.

Jersh 2.0 looked around, noticing the ship seeming to groan and the lights flickering on and off. He walked out into the hallway, and saw a gross green blob thing with a purple half-cape, a space-nuke launcher, and a laptop typing furiously on said laptop, which was plugged into a computer on the wall.

What are you doing? Jersh 2.0 asked.

Uploading the source code for internet explorer to your ship replied the green blob, who was also Lianne.

Wait, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Cried Jersh 2.0 as he pulled out his laser pistol to shoot Lianne.

x1FXI5WE56C1oQCeRy23BfTeZEhIWqerqgKbaHrbPmwpzwmmoyRf7S4UNv0FyzWfSpIcfbkuRo3Gj3mfAbQEIMPLMUMYiy0AULvo8eUgvI3yr6aKtV7pwx59dbx_dHPvCYrxfLSV

The lasers did nothing, as Jersh 2.0 realized that this was another, secret, third protagonist that the title of the story had not foretold to him, and forgot that he had such a friend, and that as such he had acquired the curse of poor villain aim in a plot-important scene.

As he shot wildly at the target 15 feet away, he cursed the Plot-Shaped Thing loudly. The Plot-Shaped Thing then appeared next to Lianne, put another layer of plot armor over her, then flipped Jersh 2.0 the bird and vanished again.

*aw, shit, that bird is back again, kill it with a rock!*

*kills bird again*

The downloading bar on the monitor reached 100%, and the computer caught fire. The lights went out, and the ship began to fall towards the quite not-destroyed star.

Jersh 2.0 pulled out a laser-switchblade and charged Lianne, who pulled her space-nuke launcher on him and fired.

Treasure the experience. Dreams fade away after you wake up. , Jersh 2.0 said maniacally.

BOOOOOOOM.

The hallway in front of the control room exploded, killing Lianne and Jersh 2.0.

They did not wake up.

Also, at this time, Roy Mustang died of his wounds in the next room over, in case you cared.

Then the ship, exploded by a space nuke fell into the star and melted into nothing.

This is where ultimate power is vested in the galaxy.

End Chapter: Super Amazing Final(ish) Fight(ish) Scene

Begin Chapter: Denoue-NOT (aka. the ending)

Huh, so, the protagonists all died.

But they were also complete assholes for most of this book.

Well, 42 FRTYTO 42 is safe, and people have apparently found ways to live on asteroids, so life will continue to exist in the universe (for whatever that s worth).

Oh, and the author found another coffee shop a few blocks away. Yay!

So, I guess this counts as a happy ending

Ya.

At the cafe:

Josh! You survived! What were you doing?

No one will stand in my way

So you were sleeping?

Pretty much

Oh, guys, look at what I found in my sandwich. It s the meme-staff; Deathraze, Ravager of Echoes!

I guess we could have used this at some point.

Ya, I guess.

Eh, who cares?

Kappa

The End

(Fin)


End file.
